Don't Beat Yourself Up

Submitted by Aimee717 on
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Hi Everyone!

It's been a while since I have been able to fully write out blogs and insights for everyone. So I hope this one would help out somehow.

I have been reading a lot of relapse posts recently, and I got a bit frustrated that I am doing well on my Rehabilitation, and while I am successful with what I have been doing, others seem to fall apart.

To beat oneself up, is to drown oneself further to an experienced suffering.

We are all Rehabilitating, and the best way for us to fully Recover and get our lives back to the way we want to be is to appreciate every goal we achieve, may it be in small steps. Every day as we move to a brighter life ahead of us, we seem to get anxious about how long it has been since our last PMO episode. When we have sexual and horny thoughts, we immediately get worried what this means, or have we relapsed,and our worries are so plenty that we get frustrated, thus we beat ourselves up for not being strong enough.

My dear friends, everyday of our recovery will be tested with different temptations. It is quite normal we get confused, we tend to try to explain why this and that is happening. We rationalize our reactions, and even get worried. But the key to a great Recovery is that we don't beat ourselves up. We already are aware how our brain works, thinks, and reacts, so the more important thing is that we already know what to do. To relax, and not let these thoughts define what we really, who we really are, and what we wanna achieve in our Recovery.

When we feel that temptations are going on through our minds, before we react, we must count 1-50, so that we aren't carried away by our immediate compulsive reactions which are most of the time negative reactions to situations which might let end us up to beating and berating ourselves to depression. Every time we are able to stay strong from tests, it is more advisable to give ourselves a pat on our backs, and congratulations. With every small step to achievement, gives us more strength to move forward. Our reaction to situations is just like a muscle that needs exercise. If we exercise appreciation and happiness in every thing we do, we are able to stay strong in positive perception of things. To constantly give ourselves rewards for every healthy thing we do for ourselves, we are able to enjoy and to want more rewards, thus we do more healthy stuff for our mind and body.

I hope I am making sense


Everyone is most welcome!

Everyone is most welcome!

In this family, we are to help each other any way we can, and I do hope that with this blog, I changed someone's perception and that aided his/her recovery.

Updates soon!


You make a great point Aimee. One of the first things I learned when I started the whole reboot thing was that beating myself up is a completely unproductive waste of energy, but it took me a long time to get my emotions to agree with that fact. I've observed that the strongly negative feelings are typical for guys who are just starting out in their reboots, especially the younger guys. I think that these guys are just still working out the new environment that their brains are being subjected to, and that is probably a lot of what you are seeing.

Rebooting your brain involves withdrawal from an addictive behavior, which inherently involves some suffering no matter how positively you try and look at it. I mean, I completely agree with your point, but it is also important to recognize that withdrawal can put a lot of people into a depression, and that depression can literally make it impossible to think positively. I certainly was like that when I started this three years ago (and I have the mopey blog posts in my history to prove it).

I think another part of this is that here in the US at least, our culture tends to hold extreme views on sexuality: It's either 1) everything sexual is okay, just do it all and do it as much as you want, or 2) everything sexual is bad, you are dirty and shameful if you so much as accidentally think about sex. There's no room for middle ground, apparently. So what ends up happening is we are encouraged to dive into all this sexual activity, but then we feel horribly bad about ourselves after doing it. Those feelings are hard to shake off, and it took me a long time to form a more moderate position on sexuality with respect to PMO addiction--that if I am truly addicted, then those acts were not really my conscious choice, and therefore I have no reason to feel ashamed after doing them because I choose to overcome them.

As guys get further along in their reboots, the strongly negative feelings tend to get weaker and weaker, even after a relapse. As for women, I have no idea whether they would handle this stuff differently, and I can only speak for men.

It's absolutely true that "a temptation is not a sin", as my priest used to say. I think that's something we all need to drill into our heads if we expect to stay sane during this reboot. You could go crazy trying to avoid every possible instance of sexual arousal, and it's true that I've had better success by learning to just go with it when it happens instead of trying to repress it all.

And finally, you have such a brilliantly simple idea that I can't believe I've never come across it before--counting from 1 to 50. That's so perfect! What a great way to collect your thoughts before acting rashly after (or before) a relapse.