I have learned about Karezza 24 hours ago, and the past 6 hours I read almost 19 chapters, a few articles, and even comments from other members of this community.
At an early age of 6, I experienced sexual harassment from relatives, I didn't know that time that what they were making me do was a form of molestation. These assaults were separately done by my relatives.
1st relative made me blowjob him.
2nd relative exprimented french kiss with me.
3rd relative (last incident) fingered me and tried to penetrate me.
the last incident triggered me to stay away from them. Still then I didn't know it was "BAD" i just felt that the act was so painful, and scared me.
I grew up keeping that secret. No one in my family knew except me and my perpetrators. I grew up insecure, feeling dirty, and negative. I spent my teenage, and early adult years skeptic around guys/men who wanted to date me. I always have this nagging feeling that they are just after me to "fuck" me, and I didn't like it. I went on dates with guys I prefer to date, however, they were always the wrong ones. I can immediately feel that I am not compatible with a guy, the moment he holds my hand.
I never had a boyfriend, serious or fling. I was afraid.
Three years ago, I was about 24, I met my first serious boyfriend on a gaming website.
Like any other players, it is my habit to wish good luck to my opponents, and he chatted with me. And because I was confident that it was just online, I made friends with lots of players online. He happened to get interested with me romantically. At first we was just friends, talking about the game, strategies, theories and all that. Suddenly he asked for my cellphone number, I felt at ease that I gave him my number without hesitations. Weeks of calls and emails, he told me everything about himself. He was then 66, first marriage divorced, second marriage was of no emotional attachment to his wife and was just living with his family out of responsibility and fear of loneliness. I believed everything he says, no doubts, no hesitations. I didn't know why I felt that way since we met. I felt at ease and comfortable with him. After a few months of wooing me, I told him I will give him a chance, but with the condition that he is not to leave his family, and that we aren't to have sex. I was afraid I might get physically hurt with the act.
The first time we met in person, I was really nervous. The first glimpse of his old wrinkled face made me think, "What the heck am I doing here?" It really dawned to me that I was really having an affair. I then decided that I will end the relationship before everything goes out of hand. We spent an afternoon together on that first meeting, we watched movies in his hotel room hugging. I can still remember how we breathed in sync, how his hand was so joyous on my hand. He didn't even try to arouse me. Everything that afternoon was silent, in sync, and I felt an unexplainable happiness with at that moment. It didn't matter how hold he was, that he was married, that he didn't fit to my ideal sort of guy. But the one thing he did was, he made me comfortable and unabashed. He kissed my hands and I felt every part of me with happiness. We hugged, and I felt his heartbeat against my chest. We breathed at the same time. It was a perfect moment for me. During our first meeting, I told him about my "bad past" thats what we call it. He was angry at my perpetrators, but I told him that I already forgave those people and that I requested him to be patient with me when it comes to sex. He never pressured nor tried to make an effort to seduce me. He just said that he'll wait for me to make the first act.
The next rendezvous we had, I experienced my first kiss. It was through that kiss that made me fall in love with him in an instant. I felt as I sucked a part of his soul in me. It was really amazing! It was like his spirit went inside me. And from then on I felt him and me being one in spirit. For my part that sealed my certainty that he loves me, and that I love him. We were honest to each other how it felt, and we felt so happy, not even feeling the guilt that our relationship was in the first place a mistake. We felt bliss. I felt bliss.
We communicated as often as we can, and we say our love the moment we wake up and before we sleep. Our day starts and ends with "I LOVE YOU" message on our phones. When he gets the chance to call me, he calls me and says he loves me and I say the same with no hesitation, but with the feeling of fullness and warmth in my heart. We made sure that we were honest with each other, that even if it was a bad day, we'd say it to each other, and comfort each other with positive words.
Our weekends together are composed of unconsummated lovemaking, expressing our feelings to each other, feed each other, and starting and ending our day together with 10seconds or more uninterrupted kiss. There were instances that he doesn't even release his orgasms and finds joy in making me orgasm. And I, at our first encounters feel happy when I know he is happy with his lovemaking. He wanted me to give him oral sex, but he doesn't pressure me to do so. Instead, he waits for me to make the move. We were expressive in what we wanted in our lovemaking. Not requiring, but we communicated. After I orgasm, I find bliss while I am hugging him still in that position. And every time he satisfies me, I say "Thank You" and "I love you". We would remain still for a long time and we'd cuddle for a long time. I guide his hand to cup my breast while the other is on my belly. And I place my hands on his. We could fall asleep like that. Naked and together. Breathing as one. We could say to each other how we feel well-rested after our post-lovemaking nap. We felt at ease with each others company. Before we go to sleep,we'd make love a lot of times never feeling tired,never feeling exhausted. All we feel is happiness in each others arms. We always fall asleep him cuddling me, or I hugging him. And our sleep is always deep, dreamless and uninterrupted.(we were both suffering from insomnia before our relationship). When I made the move to give his wants, he would compliment me on how much he loves me. That everything I did was happiness for him. He would thank me even if he wasn't able to orgasm because I can't continue giving him oral. Instead he'd be patient telling me what I could do instead. He told me not to listen to my head when I try to please him, but to listen to my heart and my senses. And when I followed him I didn't know that it was extreme pleasure to him. We both made love listening to our hearts and each other.
Our first consummated lovemaking was initiated by lust. My lust. But he made it not lustful, but more loving. He'd say to me how he loves my lips. When he penetrated me, he'd soothe me with loving words when i feel pain. I was a virgin then. He'd kiss me passionately and hug me, and wait for me to open up. The first thrust was painful, but the pain will immediately vanish. Because he won't focus our lovemaking on thrusts, but rather on our kisses. He'd synchronize his breathing with mine. When he was to explode, he'd withdraw and just hug and kiss me. And tell me words of love. I on the other hand was speechless and just kiss him with every love i had in me. After our blissful lovemaking. He came with me giving him a handjob, and I came with him fingering me. We'd lie facing each other his hands around me and I embracing his neck. My lips just on his without movement. And then we'd tell each other how happy we was with our experience.
In our times together, we make sure to each other that we are physically attached. My foot on his lap, or his hand on my lap. We can watch tv together just holding hands, or hugging. And we'd feel contented about it. There were times we'd lie in bed naked and be happy by just a few caresses. He sees to my comfort, and I see to it he is comfortable too.
There were transitions of lustful sex and love-making. But we never felt guilty, nor we felt that there was something more. We were fully satisfied with our togetherness. With or without sex. I much more value the time when he hugs me and feels me breathing. And he values my effort and never complained.
We eventually broke up because his wife confronted him if he was having an affair. It was wrong in the first place.
But I never regret any of it. I was happy and so was he.
Later on in my life, when I confessed my affair to my close friends, some would say he was taking advantage of me.
Some would say I was so innocent. But for me, whether what I felt from him and for him was true. Despite the age gap, the differences of appearance, and his married status, I knew what we had was real.
My experience is not of pure Karezza, but I felt that there were times on that moments spent, that what we had was not for lust, but for expression of love for each other. I want to learn more about Karezza. I am not in a relationship right now, but I wish that if I enter into another relationship, I'd be able to express my love through Karezza, and that I can teach or experiment it with my partner.