Plan for Recovery/Rebalancing

Submitted by Aimee717 on
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I decided, since last year to make a turnaround of my life.
Not that I don't have friends or family who are dear to me.
I learned I did not love myself more than I should, and have been dependent on other's love and acceptance, when everything should come from me, from within. How can I feel loved, when I don't even love myself right?

At this time, my plan is parallel, meaning I will incorporate 3 aspects of my life on the same on small baby step. I won't plan what's next of that first step, unless, I have fulfilled the first complete step.

So here's my plan.

Financial Stability
I don't work right now, but I will be starting on Sept 22. That is my first day of work. Part of my financial stability plan is to be able to make good investments. I have a few business plans and that with the help of my family, they too can help me make things work. Long term career plan for me is to migrate to Switzerland/Germany/Austria. That is why I am giving myself 3years to save up for migration. The short term goal is to work, so it is almost achieved.

Self-confidence
I am an insecure at some areas of my person, thus I channel my energies to my strengths and things that I really want to do. And that is cooking/baking and learning languages. I tried studying Finnish language since I have a cousin in Finland. It was a positive feeling for me for my brain to work hard on grammar and new words. But this time, I will learn German language, since long term plan for me includes migrating to Germany. My line of work needs for me to learn Deutsch so I am more motivated to meet this goal. In my cooking or baking, I already know a few ways of cooking pasta and other food. I think I also will not get frustrated with this since I love food, and re-inventing food. I will make a schedule of activities incorporated in my work schedule, thus giving me a room for forming new habits and time discipline. I feel I can gain self-confidence in these things because not only I love what I do, but more importantly, I am good at it...So far...

Emotional Understanding
Of all my growth aspects, I feel that this is the most difficult. In this plan, I intend to get to know myself, love and accept myself.
HOW? To observe myself how I react to things, and being aware to the unconscious reactions I do. I already started this aspect, however there are times that I really go into depression when I don't accept what I discover. I am on the process of acceptance, and being able to be aware of my feeling of shamefulness of my past. I am still having troubles, but now, I will do it very small steps so that I won't get frustrated.

I was thinking of doing a Solo Karezza Experience, that is why I was wondering if it really exists. My work needs me to be away from home, that's why I cannot find any touch/hugs of any sort when I am away. I know I can create friendships too, but I don't make friends that fast. and I tend to be choosy. That is why I want to focus more on myself. Giving love to myself. Exploring myself.

I hope this works. I know this will work.
Thanks to family, friends, and my new online friends here in REUNITING.

* I think in this community, I won't feel afraid/ashamed because you are all welcoming, accepting and supportive.

Comments

hi

looks like you have found some real understanding and freedom there. That is amazing! Not that many people think about what they really want in life and start working towards it. Keep going!!

Thank you for sharing positive energies and support!!!

IM1969
Marnia
Lazarus

It took me 3 dormant years to finally find out how to get what I really want. I always knew what I wanted, but the getting there part was what I did not know then. It took me a relationship breakup, loss of a job, drained savings, and even some friends leaving me to finally make me say. I HAVE TO MAKE MY MOVE. I am a bit nervous about this because I know problems and stresses will really arise any time. And I hope I know how to handle myself then. Not giving in to the short term satisfaction of P/M/O, especially M/O.

I will post my progress any time I can.

Thank you all!!!

You can do this!

Just remember you have people in your corner, and the things you have lost may help your resolve as you start many new chapters in life - the key thing is to not pysche yourself out - don't let nervousness about the risk of stressing or succumbing to the stress-based M/O put you in that very spot.

Me, when I get stressed out, i tend to deliberately breathe slowly - in through the nose, out through the mouth, and find my balance again, when the stresses come or when a more normal out of the blue physical urge strikes. If it gets super bad, I actually will deliberately do kegels - whether it's middle of the night, whether or not I'm locked down, or whether it's at my desk at some random point of the day, locked down or not - for me at least, they tend to ease the longing/withdrawal, redistribute the energy, whatever you want to call it. The muscles get a little attention for a while with the kegeling, and tend to "go back to sleep".

A few days after planning

Hi everyone

So far so good about my planning... I feel positive everyday, although I easily snap at people... I try to calm myself and my mind... But I feel it's too late coz I already snapped... But in control with my anxiety...

So far there are no P/M/O episodes. But there was this time that I felt of doing M, then I started kegeling. It was wonderful coz it put an immediate halt to that feeling of need. I also refocused my attention on the positive stuff.. No feeling of negativity and anxiety.

There was this one instance though that I dreamed about my ex-bf. I feel like my suppressed self is releasing its anxiety through my dreams.... My ex boyfriend was once my source of security, but now, I found myself to be my source of security. It's like my ego is fighting back at my conscious effort to be aware in all the things that I do....

So far so good. No hunger, no attempts to start back... I have anxieties about leaving home and starting work, but no insecurities so far...And if there are times I feel and think negative, I just focus back myself on the positive aspects and my plans and drawing out specific plans...

Thanks everyone! Updates soon!

First Temptation on My Rebalancing

Hello Everyone!!

I haven't fully started on rebooting, or maybe I did but I did not announced it here.
Haven't had any P/M/O episodes since I have been busy with things.

Presently, my activities are on a minimized so I have tendencies to have an episode, not to mention, I am alone at home right now so I am really on a conducive environment to do these stuff.

Like my subject said, today is my first temptation from my rebalancing. actually my temptation was yesterday, but was planning to do it today. Thank God! I am still sane and in control. Yesterday, while I was out with friends and busy with things, my online cybersex buddy messaged me. I don't know but I really got excited that I get to chat with him! That was like an instant feel good just hearing from him. Although we don't go cybersex every time we go online but, most of the time we do. It took me a few minutes to really to stop getting giddy about seeing him online.

I have been feeling anxious about my soon leaving my family and friends because I have to leave for work. And I feel like my anxiety is trying to divert itself on making me a lot moody, and bad temper. I am trying to calm myself, and not snap at people, although there are times that I can't help it. I also get too emotional, but then I am practicing deep breathing. I know I can make it good.

Thank you everyone

Anxiety is rising! Relaxing is almost going to waste!

Thank you

I know my brain is going uncontrollably crazy since I have been rebooting. I have tried to do psychotherapy, and the more I have been trying to gain control of how my brain thinks, the more my ego is trying to defy everything I want. The past 3 days have been emotionally difficult for me because aside from my pre-menstrual bad moods, my mind trying to be egoistic, and that I had a few sort of disagreements with a friend. My anxiety is taking its toll. Thanks to REUNITING, I can vent out and relax, and find calm again.

So far so good.

Thank you all