I decided, since last year to make a turnaround of my life.
Not that I don't have friends or family who are dear to me.
I learned I did not love myself more than I should, and have been dependent on other's love and acceptance, when everything should come from me, from within. How can I feel loved, when I don't even love myself right?
At this time, my plan is parallel, meaning I will incorporate 3 aspects of my life on the same on small baby step. I won't plan what's next of that first step, unless, I have fulfilled the first complete step.
So here's my plan.
I don't work right now, but I will be starting on Sept 22. That is my first day of work. Part of my financial stability plan is to be able to make good investments. I have a few business plans and that with the help of my family, they too can help me make things work. Long term career plan for me is to migrate to Switzerland/Germany/Austria. That is why I am giving myself 3years to save up for migration. The short term goal is to work, so it is almost achieved.
I am an insecure at some areas of my person, thus I channel my energies to my strengths and things that I really want to do. And that is cooking/baking and learning languages. I tried studying Finnish language since I have a cousin in Finland. It was a positive feeling for me for my brain to work hard on grammar and new words. But this time, I will learn German language, since long term plan for me includes migrating to Germany. My line of work needs for me to learn Deutsch so I am more motivated to meet this goal. In my cooking or baking, I already know a few ways of cooking pasta and other food. I think I also will not get frustrated with this since I love food, and re-inventing food. I will make a schedule of activities incorporated in my work schedule, thus giving me a room for forming new habits and time discipline. I feel I can gain self-confidence in these things because not only I love what I do, but more importantly, I am good at it...So far...
Of all my growth aspects, I feel that this is the most difficult. In this plan, I intend to get to know myself, love and accept myself.
HOW? To observe myself how I react to things, and being aware to the unconscious reactions I do. I already started this aspect, however there are times that I really go into depression when I don't accept what I discover. I am on the process of acceptance, and being able to be aware of my feeling of shamefulness of my past. I am still having troubles, but now, I will do it very small steps so that I won't get frustrated.
I was thinking of doing a Solo Karezza Experience, that is why I was wondering if it really exists. My work needs me to be away from home, that's why I cannot find any touch/hugs of any sort when I am away. I know I can create friendships too, but I don't make friends that fast. and I tend to be choosy. That is why I want to focus more on myself. Giving love to myself. Exploring myself.
I hope this works. I know this will work.
Thanks to family, friends, and my new online friends here in REUNITING.
* I think in this community, I won't feel afraid/ashamed because you are all welcoming, accepting and supportive.