Its been almost 12 hours, I have been reading and commenting on some updates from other members here in REUNITING.
I wanted to make detailed insights on what is going on with my, but my brain was so depressed since yesterday afternoon that I had to give myself time to really sort out my feelings and not compulsively result to wallowing and that would eventually lead to relapse.
As I have discussed in previous blogs, I am to start working to another country this Sept.22 2012. The sooner I get to my departure date, my anxiety is stressing me out. I already sorted out my separation anxiety from family and friends. It's been a long time already that I have prepared myself to be away from family and friends. My anxiety is brought about by my leaving my ex-boyfriend. Funny that you might read the term ex-boyfriend. Yes, he was my ex-boyfriend, my first boyfriend, my first in everything.
And like I have written in my first few blogs, my ex boyfriend is now 69 years old, imagine that I am 27, and my worry about his health, how he is and all about his welfare, or anything that concerns his well-being. I have this nagging thought inside me wanting to communicate with him, just before I leave just to make sure that he is going to be alright. I have long decided that once I leave the country, I leave everything to the past, and not let it hinder my present and future. That is why I really wanted to make sure that he will be taken care of before I go. When I asked my best friend if it is a right move to call him, she said that it would complicate my "moving on" process. I have to admit that until now, he has a special place in my heart. He was my first true love, and I will always love him. My best friend also told me that "There are certain experiences in life that are given to you momentarily and aren't really yourself to keep except for the wonderful memories". So far our memories are the best ones!
I have been battling about it, although I already sent him an SMS message that I would like to see him before I leave, which he did not respond to. So I guess I shouldn't be bothered about it anymore. My best friend also told me that I should have faith in him and his family that he will be taken care of. Maybe I just need a direct reassurance from him that he is going to be alright.
So I have been beating myself up with my separation anxiety. I cried, but thanks to a friend of mine who needed my help, I had to stay stronger. I spent the whole 12 hours coping up. Then it took me a huge conscious effort to turn myself around. Went back to my schedule of copying some journal tips, did some luggage packing done, and I am in a bit of positive mode already.
I showered and did some self massaging and karezza, NO M! And my entire system went positive! I still have some thoughts about him, but then I already did my part of sending him a message. I have not decided yet if I should call him or not. I still have about a week and a half to decide.
Thank you God for the strength!
Thank you Karezza for the support.
More insights soon when I am all set!
I have one that is cooking on my mind, but I have to make those thoughts comprehensible.
I always stay in LOVE!