Separation Anxiety - Temptation!

Submitted by Aimee717 on
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Hello Everyone!

Its been almost 12 hours, I have been reading and commenting on some updates from other members here in REUNITING.
I wanted to make detailed insights on what is going on with my, but my brain was so depressed since yesterday afternoon that I had to give myself time to really sort out my feelings and not compulsively result to wallowing and that would eventually lead to relapse.

As I have discussed in previous blogs, I am to start working to another country this Sept.22 2012. The sooner I get to my departure date, my anxiety is stressing me out. I already sorted out my separation anxiety from family and friends. It's been a long time already that I have prepared myself to be away from family and friends. My anxiety is brought about by my leaving my ex-boyfriend. Funny that you might read the term ex-boyfriend. Yes, he was my ex-boyfriend, my first boyfriend, my first in everything.

And like I have written in my first few blogs, my ex boyfriend is now 69 years old, imagine that I am 27, and my worry about his health, how he is and all about his welfare, or anything that concerns his well-being. I have this nagging thought inside me wanting to communicate with him, just before I leave just to make sure that he is going to be alright. I have long decided that once I leave the country, I leave everything to the past, and not let it hinder my present and future. That is why I really wanted to make sure that he will be taken care of before I go. When I asked my best friend if it is a right move to call him, she said that it would complicate my "moving on" process. I have to admit that until now, he has a special place in my heart. He was my first true love, and I will always love him. My best friend also told me that "There are certain experiences in life that are given to you momentarily and aren't really yourself to keep except for the wonderful memories". So far our memories are the best ones!

I have been battling about it, although I already sent him an SMS message that I would like to see him before I leave, which he did not respond to. So I guess I shouldn't be bothered about it anymore. My best friend also told me that I should have faith in him and his family that he will be taken care of. Maybe I just need a direct reassurance from him that he is going to be alright.

So I have been beating myself up with my separation anxiety. I cried, but thanks to a friend of mine who needed my help, I had to stay stronger. I spent the whole 12 hours coping up. Then it took me a huge conscious effort to turn myself around. Went back to my schedule of copying some journal tips, did some luggage packing done, and I am in a bit of positive mode already.

I showered and did some self massaging and karezza, NO M! And my entire system went positive! I still have some thoughts about him, but then I already did my part of sending him a message. I have not decided yet if I should call him or not. I still have about a week and a half to decide.

Thank you God for the strength!
Thank you Karezza for the support.
More insights soon when I am all set!
I have one that is cooking on my mind, but I have to make those thoughts comprehensible.
Stay happy
stay positive
I always stay in LOVE!

Comments

That's a brave and bold move

That's a brave and bold move you're about to make and no wonder it is so hard. But the memories of your friends and family will always be there with you and with great changes come great opportunities. Stay strong!

The situation is familiar

I also was deeply involved with an older married man, and when our relationship ended, it was under difficult circumstances. I still think about him and wish him the best, but I had to realize that I couldn't contact him any more and that he couldn't contact me because of his own issues. Your friend gave you some good thoughts, and I suggest writing a letter to him that you will NOT SEND. I'd even suggest burning it in some kind of little ceremony and imagining the thoughts going up in smoke and the atmosphere towards him. Let it be your loving farewell thoughts as you move out of the country and into a new life. He'll be okay, and you'll be okay.
People discuss the power of thought, the governing of energy on this site and others. Your thoughts and energies towards him can be a loving farewell and best wishes for the future. But YOU need your positive thoughts and energy the most right now at such an exciting time in your life. I'm so glad your self-karezza helped you!

Still feeling a bit low

Thanks Bucle and Enlightenmentgirl!

I had a busy day today, been doing some completion of my documents and preparing my luggage for my departure next week. Had very little time to really worry about my ex. Those are the times when I am on a train or a bus, and I have the time to think. I have been thinking about that ceremony thing you suggested, I did that to some other past hang-ups, but with regards to my first great love, it is not because I want to let him know about my thoughts, I just want to make sure he is okey. And I have this tendency to really want to hear it from the horse's mouth. But I have not tried to call him yet since, I don't know how I will react to his answer if I asked him will he be okey when I already leave. Not okey in a sense that I won't be there, but rather his well-being. I have long decided that I will not be bothering about him the day I step on that airplane.

Thankfully, I refocused my energies on the positive vibes. I went along my way with a smile on my face, smiling at people, sharing my positive energies, and draining out my worries. I hope I can stay stronger! And stop worrying about him.

I tried to have some self-karezza when I got back from a long day. I will share my insights once my emotions are settled in. I have my worries still that I need to refocus on my journaling.

Laters everyone

Stay happy
Stay strong
Stay positive
we are all RECOVERING

Thanks REUNITING