WHY RELAPSE? Just a personal opinion

Submitted by Aimee717 on
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Hi everyone!

I hope and am very proud of everyone doing a great job! Congratulations to everyone!

These past few days, I noticed that there are a lot of relapses going on and I get to wonder why these things are happening?

Here are some of my observations:

As the length of freedom from PMO increases, so does anxiety.
The longer the freedom from PMO, the more one feels bad about oneself, or partner, or everything.
When relapse occurs, beating oneself and constant anger to oneself and others happen.


Although RECOVERY is not an easy thing to do, I think the key to the success of our RECOVERY is to DISCOVER how OUR BRAIN/MIND/THOUGHTS work.

As I have said in my previous blogs, it is how we see/perceive things that will help us through our recovery. If we Relapse, that is because we are NEGATIVE about every situation that is going on. Take for example, when it is been 30 days since the last PMO, we have temptations and sex thoughts running on our minds. Most of the time, we beat ourselves up for having those thoughts. That is a NEGATIVE reaction.

How can we turn around to POSITIVE reaction?
We should accept the fact that during our Recovery, temptations would really come and go on our minds because of our Gollum self that tries to strike us to Relapse during our anxious moments. So how we are we gonna react to it?
When these thoughts come running around your mind, don't immediately react. Take deep breaths and ask yourself the following:
1. What do I really want to happen?
2. Do I really need to go back to PMO?
3. If I goback to PMO, will I really feel good or better about myself?
4. Will I truly be happy when I do these things?

Then Thank GOD (or whatever you believe in) or Thank Yourself for being faced with temptations because:
1. Temptations remind you that you are already a stronger person compared to your addicted person before.
2. You finally know what you really want in life, and that you are on your way to Recovery
3. You are now aware of how you think, during what instance you think about things, and that makes you more conscious on how you react to things.
4. And that you are able to count more of your blessings. And being able to feel good about yourself.

I would like to advice that we start our days counting the blessings we enjoy. That will make our day more positive, and to be able to appreciate everything that we have.

my dearest friends!


TRue about the list

But can addicts let a thought go without acting on it? Can an addict make a choice to substitute a healthier, equally rewarding activity when they feel the urge?
For example, I realized that I was having a couple of beers every day after work. They made me sleepy, fat and more and more worried that I was an alcoholic. I asked myself what I was getting from this ritual; it was a way to signal the work day was over and I was on "my" time. It was a way to relax. I decided to swap the beer for iced coffee or lattes as that same kind of signal/reward and it works really well. So could substituting meditation, physical exercise or something else help someone who struggles with P or M addiction and feels the urge?


And that's an excellent strategy. Emerson often talks about the importance of choosing replacement goals. It's easier to move toward something rather than to "white-knuckle" a withdrawal.

The substitute to a healthy

The substitute to a healthy activity is just an activity. The more importantly, doing the healthy activity with a POSITIVE mental thoughts. The reason why people act on their urge, is because they have a lot of reasons to give in to the addiction.
I noticed that our PMO urges arise when we are anxious/stressed. And if you take notice of your thoughts, your urges would mentally reason out and distract you with thoughts like:
1. Oh I will do this just this time because I am so stressed and I need to relax
2. Oh I feel so bad right now I need to go PMO to make me feel good
3. I will do this one last time, I promise I won't do it again.
and the list of reasons goes on.
A healthy activity and giving oneself a pat on the back every time one is able to let go of the act during urges will do good. Also, choose a healthy that activity that you enjoy too. In my case I like cooking/baking, so once when I have time, I see to it that I am able to cook/bake. Take a healthy activity that can make you focused on the activity itself, because our thoughts are thinking a lot of things that are utterly useless or unimportant.

I would really advice to start your day counting as many blessings as possible. From the nice bed you sleep in, to the food you are eating, to the job you are doing, to the people you are working with. For everything that you get to see, smell, feel, taste, and all that. If you are with someone or with a partner, count your blessings and the good things about him/her. Disregard the not so nice things, thus just find the blessing in each not so nice things.

Good luck with it.

Stay happy
Stay positive
Stay thankful
Stay strong

Congratulations everyone for RECOVERY

Thank you for that

Thank you for that

The reason why I am sharing this is because I feel I can help others heal the same way I reasoned my way through recovery.

I hope I helped a lot

Great posting there Aimee! I

Great posting there Aimee! I really like to read your thoughts. I think that you are very right when you're saying, that it might be a big key for our recovery, if we find out how our mind works.

Lately, I'm asking myself more often than not, why I am constantly seeing each and erverything so negative and why I'm always making up conversations in my mind, which usually end with me justifying myself for something I have never done or will never do. Thats crazy shit. I'm constantly doing it. Constantly making up those conversations and they are always so very negative.

I never really thought about my actual thoughts but those thoughts are becoming actions at some point and I really want to change this negative thinking.

Sadly, I have no idea how to do this :P

I try to stop this thinking, whenever I notice that I'm doing it again and at times, I manage to think about something positive instead. I think it has to do a lot with living in the present moment and not trying to overthink anything.

It's hard work to change ones own mind!

The tool that altered my

The tool that altered my perception is

what I have read in books of Eckhart Tolle and Rhonda Byrne.

A NEW EARTH by Eckhart Tolle
THE SECRET by Rhonda Byrne

with the assistance of my aunt who has been so supportive of me