during the last more than 100 days, my life completely changed. Inside and outside. I found a wonderful girlfriend and we are very much in love for over three months now.
Problem is: I relapsed :(
Two weeks ago on monday, I masturbated without orgasm while looking on some girl pictures on the net. One week ago, again on monday, this scenario repeated itself. Then on friday I watched some soft porn and masturbated again. And today I had one more session.
Every time I'm more and more frustrated. I feel the porn is tightening it's grip once again. I have great fear about loosing everything what I have achieved during the last year (I had more than three atempts to stop PMO) and especially my beautiful relationship! The day after I always have social anxiety and I see that my girlfriend is feeling it. I also fear I'll have ED againg (so far it has been ok).
Almost every time I sit in front of the computer I soon begin to feel a great pull to touch myself and to find some porn stuff (i have a porn blocking sw but i manage to find some soft stuff nevertheless).
I have to use the computer for my work, so I can't just turn it off.