And we are back...

Submitted by Alexandra on
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Posted here about two years ago for awhile about my initial foray into Karezza with my partner. We tried it initially and loved it...our lives were enhanced but then life got I'm the way and we just fell off that wagon.

And now I'm back. The same issues came up again. Sometimes sex was good, mostly it was okay, and frequently terrifying. One of the other issues we had was that his desire for sex never matched mine. There were many occasions that I wound up in tears thinking it was me, worried that we would never be able to have a whole sexual life together. And beyond Karezza we tried other approaches all of which left me feeling empty...I was never fulfilled the way I was with Karezza.

Thankfully, we are in a good place as a couple. Our relationship is full of love, respect, and laughter. In a month's time we are moving in together. This is a milestone we are both thrilled for.

Last night I asked him if he would want to try this again. He agreed and what happened next was nothing short of amazing. We made love and I wasn't afraid. I was able to be present with him the entire time. And more than anything we were having fun...sharing soft laughter and being completely open. He completely transformed...I felt completely desired and loved during our lovemaking. He was so controlled but also eager to be with me. We both felt a little drunk afterwards and could not stop giggling. I'm not sure that this is the appropriate reaction to lovemaking but it was mentally satisfying to just be able to be with him and not space out as I usually do. It was still very much normal sex...just with a few pauses. Not perfect but this is our first day back...

The only thing that wasn't great was the lack of sensation I had. That's been an issue for sometime now...I'm thinking we really need to slow it down but communicating that part to him is difficult. I don't want to seem demanding or like I'm giving instructions...hopefully I can think of something. Maybe we need to take a break and exclusively work on bonding for now...that feels impossible right now Smile

Anyways just wanted to share. So glad this place is still here....

-Alexandra

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Welcome back

People do notice changes in their sensitivity as they slow things down. Just make sure he knows how much you liked it and I suspect he'll be delighted to oblige you again.

Clarification: Do you mean it was normal sex because you were moving (which is perfectly fine in karezza) or because someone climaxed at the end of it (which is also fine...but not karezza Smile )?

Thank you, Marnia I am going

Thank you, Marnia Smile I am going to bring that up to him tonight.

And to clarify I meant it was normal sex because there was a good amount of movement. That is part of the struggle...he genuinely seems to get most of his satisfaction from lots of movement. That makes it very difficult for me to not "space out". But anyways, neither of us climaxed. We agreed not to for the time being...whether together or apart. Orgasms have always come fairly easily for us during sex. For me as a woman, I have never had an issue reaching orgasm during sex, with any of the men I've dated over the years. Even if the experience wasn't a pleasant one. His willingness to forgo orgasm seems like such a gift to me...that he has agreed to give that up. Asking for anything more just doesn't feel fair.

Alexandra

it takes awhile

When we started I went from grinding away to going really slow, but my wife didn't feel that much. And neither did I at first.

I think that men recover more and more sensitivity as they go onto the Karezza bandwagon. It can take 6 to 9 months to really gain full sensitivity. Same for women who have used vibrators or who have gotten used to rougher sex, by the way.

And as men recover sensitivity they feel more and they slow down and move less.

At least that has been my experience.

But it depends. I do a fair amount of movement. My wife likes it more that way. I find that it moves me up to a 7 or 8 on the arousal scale and the pleasure quotient multiplies. But there are long pauses with no movement. 

Thank you, everyone! Emerson,

Thank you, everyone! Emerson, I definitely am more prepared this time to honor the time that it will take for the big changes to take place. I understand that him and I will likely go through the emotions of being ecstatic one moment and then conflicted the next.

I am happy to report that last night we really talked about it and I very much bared my soul to him. And I think he really understood. He was honest with me and admitted that he was not sure how long he would be able to go without orgasming. I didn't want to sound preachy and tell him everything I've read here that has shown me that many men do very well abstaining. Instead, I want to let him have his own experience and come to his own conclusions about his sexual needs.

And then we proceeded to have the best sex either of us has ever had. That's no exaggeration. It started very slow. Feelings of comfort and healing began to flow through me. I was able to focus on the sensation of him being inside of me. And he seemed to fall right into the role of walking me through it and helping me relax. I wanted him to know that he deserves to be comforted and appreciated during sex so I asked if I could just touch him for awhile. He was very tense at first...his entire body seemed to want to go right to performance mode. I gently asked if he would relax and just try to feel energy going between us. To my joy, he did.

We spent a long time, just connected, sharing kisses, talking lovingly. Instead of focused genital sensation that I typically zero in on during sex (in order to achieve orgasm), my entire body responded to his energy. My pleasure was not limited to one place on my body...my entire being was crawling with a fullness of ecstasy that I've never known. The sexual emptiness that had previously haunted me was now replaced with a strong, intimate energy that must have come from my partner.

And his erectile states were so varied and thrilling. Most of the time he was extremely hard. But the rise and fall of his erection seemed so natural. I found this strangely soothing. He handled me so gently, moving me from one position to the other. I never imagined that we could be so calmly adventurous. This must have relaxed me to the point that I was able to resurrect a previously unknown confidence. Eventually I got on top of him, an action I've only ever performed before trembling with fear. Now it came natural. I then found myself suggesting even wilder ideas. "I'll get on you reverse," I suggested. His mouth dropped open as I gently slid onto his penis in the reverse position.

"Who are you?" He said to me, his voice full of amazement. I can only attribute this sort of awakening or shift to karezza. I never want to go back. All told, we made love for over two hours. For us, this is unheard of. In normal sex, lasting 30 minutes took everything out of us. After this hours long karezza session, we could barely tear ourselves from each other, only succumbing to a necessary sleep. But he never reached orgasm and didn't seem at all bothered.

I awoke this morning feeling very charged and needy. He was still asleep so I began to paw at him. Eventually he relented, and without a word glided me into spoon position, removed my clothing and his own, then entered me. I almost cried tears of happiness at the feeling of his penis just resting in me. It was a truly delicious moment.

Then something odd happened today. He is working a long day today...but has called me twice to randomly stop by my place. First to take me to lunch, then just to say hello and kiss me while he traveled between locations. He's never done this before to I'm wondering if our amorous night has anything to do with that. Smile

Ok, sorry for my rant! Thank you all!

Beautiful! I'm so happy for

Beautiful! I'm so happy for you that you found a way to connect without fear and that he seems up to the task of guiding you, and willing to control his mind and body. I'm working through similar stuff and having much slower progress. :)

Do be careful, though - I find if I come at my man with too much heat and neediness, it can push one or both of us over the edge, and then we have to deal with the post-O stuff. To keep from overheating down there, I do a kegel squeeze with an in breath to pull energy up my spine and then as I breathe out, I picture the energy moving down into my navel. I do this 5 or 10 times and it helps.

Thanks for the very inspiring account! Best wishes, and I hope you keep updating!

Wow, what a wondrous evening!

Wow, what a wondrous evening! I am very happy for you both!

I think it just naturally follows, that non-orgasmic intercourse results in warm, sharing interactions, as you experienced later that day. I presume it is because the physical attraction has not been dissipated due to climax, and has been strengthened by the bonding session.

I hope you continue to share your experiences and development with us.