Growth & Moodiness

Submitted by Alexandra on
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Well, things continue to get better. This type of lovemaking just seems to work between us. It is a connection that has continued to grow.

However, there is one problem. Currently, Greg & I do not live together. Thus, engaging this way is not always possible everyday. It is something that we both just acknowledge and accept at this point. However, I struggle with it a bit. These past 2 or 3 days we have been with each other and engaging in all sorts of bonding activities but without any sex. Sex was just not possible as we were away with other people. Anyways, I just felt myself getting really crabby not being able to engage that way.

On a conscious level I realize how silly this is. Greg was okay with it and he was encouraging me to be patient, and that it would happen. He also made a point to be very affectionate and sweet otherwise. I just could not stop feeling so needy for it.

Is this normal? Does this go away? I have never been a needy person in relationships so this is strange for me.

We finally were together this evening and it was definitely worth the wait. The whole experience was actually very blissful and I continue to open up to him sexually in ways that surprise and delight us both. We both had a really difficult time holding back tonight, but I think we learned a lot about control. When we feel like with might let go we stop for a few minutes and just rest with each other. We were also both able to completely stop before going there.

It is funny. Before, the orgasm always felt like this possible but challenging goal to attain. Now, I feel like I could have one immediately and throughout the whole encounter. I have also not yet shut down on him since we began doing things this way.

Crazy things are happening to my brain, I feel like. I think Greg secretly likes feeling needed that way though. I am more attracted to him than ever before, and he would probably say the same about me.

Sorry for my scattered, lengthy thoughts. It is just nice to have somewhere to express them. Thank you all so much.



Yes, I know this is true.

Yes, I know this is true. Maybe throughout this whole thing I have begun to learn that I have a very bad problem with patience. :)

Greg wonders if perhaps it could be because I am sort of reconnecting to body, the sensations of sex, emotions involved in bonding closely with someone. It is like there is more sensory and emotive input than I've ever experienced before. For the first time I actually feel the integration of physical and emotional feelings during sex. It has been a very profound experience.

I think it will help to read Cupid. I am a TA this semester, and have been kept busy with that. Once the semester is over in a few weeks, I plan to read it.

it took about 4 months

for me to stop being so needy. I was always worried about not having enough sex. I had to go through that phase to get to this one. I wasn't like this before either. But it wore off. This is the best self-realization path, it's simply incredible. And it continues unfolding every day.

It is a process where you connect with everything a lot more than ever before. It's hard to explain why. I randomly came up with a phrase, sexual prosperity. This brings prosperity and plenty to every phase of your life.

Stay patient. Stay non-orgasmic and do a lot of bonding. Then just watch Smile

That is reassuring to hear,

That is reassuring to hear, emerson. Thank you for sharing that. From where I stand now, four months seems like a long time. I know with certainty that there will be times where orgasms happen. I did not seem so impossible before to hold off but now it feels like torture (for me). All is well from him though, apparently.

I like the phrase sexual prosperity. I can definitely see how it would seep into other areas of your life.

On another note, does anyone know anything about the effects of caffeine throughout this process? I have not had time to search yet but I will later. I truthfully drink a lot of black coffee and am wondering if this makes me more sexually anxious/needy. Perhaps I should try to lay off and experiment on my own without it...yikes..!!

One step at a time!

If you drop caffeine completely, it takes about two weeks for key receptors to come back...and most people report splitting headaches in the meantime. Maybe wait until after school.

What you describe about "hooking up your physical and emotional sexuality" is indeed related to this technique. When you have time, you'll also want to read Diana Richardson's books as they focus on this aspect a lot, especially "Tantric Orgasm for Women." Her book for men is good too. Excerpts here:

You can see an interview with her here:

Don't worry about the four months. You'll have lots of good times in there too, and Emerson's experience should ease your mind. It won't all be tension. Breathe. Smile

Well it looks like I am going

Well it looks like I am going to have a lot of reading to do this summer! Which is great. Giving up caffeine is going to be brutal. Greg and I have both expressed a desire to do this, so hopefully we can support each other. I work full-time and am in graduate school so coffee has been a top, daily priority on my list. But I know it is harmful in large amounts so it is time for that to go.

Yes, I am looking forward to the experience. I actually slipped up today...(oops!). I was not sure if I wanted to tell Greg but I did and he was happy that I felt I could be honest with him and we had a laugh about it. I think reading others' experiences is extremely helpful. I have this expectation that I have to be perfect in it. I appreciate the humanity of other people more and more.

Thank you all so, so much. You are very kind, insightful people.

The motto here

is "balance not perfection." It's a good motto for lots of aspects of life, but especially for sexuality. Again, trust the process. You'll both find your way. I've always learned more from orgasms than from successfully avoiding them. Wink

I like that motto Marnia and

I like that motto Marnia and find that general perspective to be really helpful. It is so interesting. Last night we both finished for the first time since we have started on this path and afterwards quickly realized we were not really into it. It just was not as good. The orgasm itself felt okay but it was nothing compared to feelings that had been growing between us the past few weeks of no O. For us, the experience reaffirmed our belief that karezza is for us. :)

Emerson, replacing coffee with tea is a great suggestion. I already drink lots of tea but for some reason have not found the willpower to give up my precious cups of caffeinated joy. Ha. Most of the tea I drink is herbal though, so that is good I suppose.