More of the Same

Submitted by Alexandra on
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We are going through a rough patch, rather I am. He is right there with me though. Sex has come to a complete halt because some switch just got turned off in me. Usually I find that around the time of my cycle, my sex drive steeply increases. This past time however, it has been completely different. I feel completely dead. All of a sudden I am always tired. I can't really focus on anything (except work) and sex just feels impossible.

It is so strange. On a cognitive level I want to have sex and be close with with. But then we try and sex feels suffocating. It's a problem because I can't even lay and cuddle with him without feeling trapped. There is absolutely no sex drive.

Bless his soul...he knows me by now. He is so patient and understanding. Despite all this my love for him is growing.

Sorry, feeling hopeless.



This is a big adjustment

Choose your favorite bonding behaviors (or take turns choosing), and stick to those for a bit. If you want to have intercourse just treat it as a meditation and don't try to take it anywhere for now.

Sorry things are frustrating at the moment.


Deeper sex leads to deeper emotions and deeper emotions can lead to deeper sex. Karezza style sex touches you in a deeper way and in that deeper place there are emotions that a person does not often touch. Mainly they are sweet emotions but as you touch in that deeper place there are also emotions that arent so pleasant, emotions we may wish to leave untouched. Often we dont even know what these emotions are except uncomfortable. These are valuable emotions because they sit on top of the deeper sweet ones. Having them come up means you have a chance to move them out. This is good. Let them be. Touch, touch and more touch. Like Marnia says, use those bonding behaviors. Touch will move those emotions up and out. Difficult emotions make us want to contract, which pushes them back down. Touch keeps up open so they can move.

I'm in Bali right now and just came back from a place called the Monkey Forest. A tropical forest outside a ciity where the monkeys live freely. Monkey's everywhere, and do you know what they're constantly doing? Yep, touching each other. Preening each other, lounging on each other, holding each other, sleeping on each other. Man, these creatures live and breath bonding behaviors. I sat down next to one, she scooted sideways, reached out, it seemed by nature, and put her hand on my leg. Just rested it there. It was simply wonderful. Such wise little creatures.

So the moral of the story? Just act like a monkey and all will become well. Let the wisdom of the body do its work with you.