A few years back I was introduced to Thomas Campbell's "My Big Toe." In it, he discusses how fractals exist at every level of reality. The most basic fractal is evolution, which he colorfully states as "grow or die." I've been thinking of the fractals that exist in bonding. I've come to realize that if I want to experience a deeper bond with my wife, I need to bond with everything. My morning coffee, the jazz music that I listen to on Pandora, the sun coming through the leaves, the work that I do, and even the movements of my body through physical space.
Now, when I say bond, I mean "connect with." Those on this website understand the difference between connecting with another human being and using the other person for short-term physical pleasure. But, if I'm using all of those other things for momentary pleasure, how is it that I'm going to show up to bond with my wife? If how we do one thing is often how we do everything, then what I do every moment counts. To experience the beauty of the moments during a bonding exchange, I have to be willing to change the way I live. I need to appreciate each sip of coffee, each piece of sunlight in the back yard, and each breath of air. I need to embrace the big buzzword of our metaphysical times: gratitude. I need to be more grateful. Period. Gratitude removes the fog of self-absorption that gets in the way of connecting with our bonding partners.
So for me - more gratitude, less self-absorption, and more bonding with life itself.