Anam cara's blog

Update - SLAA

Submitted by Anam cara on

I felt a wish to update how I'm travelling because I appreciate the support I've received at this community.

I've joined a 12 Step Fellowship with a good caring track record called Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, or SLAA. It has been working for me.

In learning how to discuss sexuality and intimacy in that setting I have found relief and growth in the area of relationships.

Day 23 - sex with men during reboot

Submitted by Anam cara on

Still off PMO, well, Ive masturbated a bit without O while talking to another.

But with the bottom line of avoiding sex with men I crossed that line yesterday. I'm not sure if it should even BE part of the reboot, but I'd prefer to be in a position to desist! I didn't O, but my partner did. It was satisfying for a few hours.

It's difficult to understand what to think so I'm not going to take a position about it, except to stick to no PMO for 3-6 months, or as long as takes.

Karezza as the way of self-possession.

Submitted by Anam cara on

I just connected with a really nice cuddlebuddy, an old friend retooled as cuddle mate. This stuff works! The whole experience was amazing. I stayed the night.

The only negative aspect was the desire for fucking intruded four or five times on our intimacy. It was a simple belly craving, and we tried but the bodies are wiser and said no. It was later over morning coffee we became intimate about our true desires and mutually aware that fucking wasn't the nature of our connection. What a relief to realise that!

Day 16 - on flirtation and comfortability with the opposite sex

Submitted by Anam cara on

I'm obsessing about guys since quitting social media. That's false: I'm obsessing about both sexes pretty much equally, but in different ways. The obsession with men is animal in nature, the obsession with women concerns the whole being, sex AND soul. It is a shock how much the sexiness of real women impacts my mental-emotional state, and also painful how much their snubs impact my state. I can clearly see now how combining porn with sex with men kept the deeper emotional aspects of my sexuality hidden.

Day 14 - emotional turmoil.

Submitted by Anam cara on

This totally sucks.

I organised someone to meet today and he cancelled at 20 mins notice and i messaged it's not ok. I'm mad about that.

I've organised a cuddle buddy, simply from a desperate need to quell the cravings for O, to visit later tonight and I'm so miserable and anxious I can't get my home in order and welcoming.

I'm shifting between flatline and frantic horniness. It totally sucks.

I deactivated social media

Submitted by Anam cara on

I've been insanely obsessed with social media. Today I went on and saw a pornographic picture. I clicked thru immediately and looked at all of the dozen, but the first one did the damage: there was a chemical hit in the pit of my stomach of dread, and a sense of being disembodied or depersonalised. It was VERY disturbing to my peace!

I clicked thru, farewelled a few friends, and deactivated the service. When in three months I'm on the other side or nearing it of this reboot, ill consider it again. Until then, I'm free of social media, thank God!

Day 13 - not busting on PMO today

Submitted by Anam cara on

The unresponsiveness of the penis and the general dull anxiety drove me to checking behavior. I'd read on YBOP there's no need to check. I felt nothing much when it was erect except uncomfortable and numb and bored. This is why I need to stay busy every day- to avoid that feeling of unwillingly acting out. I've lived with it got years and gotten used to feeling numb.

From "science that binds" in CPA:

Submitted by Anam cara on

Both oxytocin and dopamine at ideal levels are necessary to keep an emotional bond rewarding.

Your relationship is likely to suffer when dopamine levels bounce around.

Think of oxytocin and dopamine as the yin and yang of bonding and love... Ideal levels may also make mates more tolerant and likelier to accommodate each other. Stronger bonds, increased flexibility, and greater happiness are good reasons to master lovemaking that leaves you contented--but not finished/sated.

Pages 206-8.

Day 12

Submitted by Anam cara on

I was muzzy and vague and distractible at work. Four people reminded me there was work to be done. I just wasn't all there.

No breakfast didn't help.

I woke and masturbated at little but it just made it worse. The craving for O when alone, and yearning for intimacy when in public, both commandeer my attention. I'm noticing every single beautiful woman walking past. The obsession with dudes isn't around today. If it weren't for the feeling like I'm bottling a swarm of angry, horny bees between the neck and pelvis I'd actually be contented.