Day 12

Submitted by Anam cara on
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I was muzzy and vague and distractible at work. Four people reminded me there was work to be done. I just wasn't all there.

No breakfast didn't help.

I woke and masturbated at little but it just made it worse. The craving for O when alone, and yearning for intimacy when in public, both commandeer my attention. I'm noticing every single beautiful woman walking past. The obsession with dudes isn't around today. If it weren't for the feeling like I'm bottling a swarm of angry, horny bees between the neck and pelvis I'd actually be contented.



Marnia for the reassurance, I'm really workin hard here. The only weak area is meditation. I need to do 30 but do 5, to get the degree of serenity I need.

And, oh yeah, have I got intensely mixed emotions towards women. Wow. Loooots of frustration, envy, anger, despair, sadness - the whole kit n caboodle ! Luckily I know not to resist but surrender them. I'm pretty blessed really. After all, in just 12 days I've gone from ZERO interest in living, lovely women, to yearning to develop the comfortability to meet and talk to them. That's a big shift!

Yeah, it'll take

a while for the picture to stabilize. I think I've said before that it's like a pendulum swinging wildly at first. Gradually things settle in the center - moodwise.