Day 13 - not busting on PMO today

Submitted by Anam cara on
Printer-friendly version

The unresponsiveness of the penis and the general dull anxiety drove me to checking behavior. I'd read on YBOP there's no need to check. I felt nothing much when it was erect except uncomfortable and numb and bored. This is why I need to stay busy every day- to avoid that feeling of unwillingly acting out. I've lived with it got years and gotten used to feeling numb.

Then there's the web obsession. All day I've been fixated on it, endlessly refreshing sites. Accessing P has occurred to me but no craving. I hate being hooked on social media- it's driving me nuts and wasting my precious time. I'm grateful I'm not accessing dating sites - that's where there's the real pits of misery and time-wasting. Literally months of time have been wasted on those stupid sites, and I'm not going there no matter what.

It's a real struggle right now to order and organise my days. The only principles ordering things are Exercise and Socialising. It sucks, my willpower seems to be absorbed into staying on the reboot. Even meditation is difficult. I find myself caught in times where I'm just stuck in stupid ritualistic behaviours that frustrate and madden me, but I can't seem to break out of them. It's hard work, and worth it, and I wish I were achieving more with my days!

Comments

You sound like me!

I've tried to cut down on web surfing and go on a PC game I bought recently. If I'm going to use the computer, then I need to use it for other things like writing on Word.

Could you volunteer for anything?

Nix the checking

No matter what the results, the checking itself is a problem.

Good luck finding the work you want. Should be easier now that you're getting back in balance.

Exercise is very helpful to most. Other ideas listed on this page, all suggested by guys here: ♦Solo Tools