The unresponsiveness of the penis and the general dull anxiety drove me to checking behavior. I'd read on YBOP there's no need to check. I felt nothing much when it was erect except uncomfortable and numb and bored. This is why I need to stay busy every day- to avoid that feeling of unwillingly acting out. I've lived with it got years and gotten used to feeling numb.
Then there's the web obsession. All day I've been fixated on it, endlessly refreshing sites. Accessing P has occurred to me but no craving. I hate being hooked on social media- it's driving me nuts and wasting my precious time. I'm grateful I'm not accessing dating sites - that's where there's the real pits of misery and time-wasting. Literally months of time have been wasted on those stupid sites, and I'm not going there no matter what.
It's a real struggle right now to order and organise my days. The only principles ordering things are Exercise and Socialising. It sucks, my willpower seems to be absorbed into staying on the reboot. Even meditation is difficult. I find myself caught in times where I'm just stuck in stupid ritualistic behaviours that frustrate and madden me, but I can't seem to break out of them. It's hard work, and worth it, and I wish I were achieving more with my days!