Day 14 - emotional turmoil.

Submitted by Anam cara on
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This totally sucks.

I organised someone to meet today and he cancelled at 20 mins notice and i messaged it's not ok. I'm mad about that.

I've organised a cuddle buddy, simply from a desperate need to quell the cravings for O, to visit later tonight and I'm so miserable and anxious I can't get my home in order and welcoming.

I'm shifting between flatline and frantic horniness. It totally sucks.

I'm overcome with anxiety and negative feelings about job searching, despite doing positive things in the morning to set the day up for success, running and affirming and practicing gratitude.

I'm fucking miserable about my life, relationships, work, self-image, finances. And the truth is I've never been better off in life, not EVER. All this crazy shit is happening in my head because of the reboot! I've simply become more aware of the reality and it disturbs the hell out of me!

It's fucked. I'm going thru the motions externally while oscillating between tears of sadness and rage at the reality of the situation. It's fucked yes but I'm going to get through it today. And tomorrow will be better.


I'm chunking it down

To the next action in the next moment. I'm writing each action as an SMS to myself so the front parts of the brain are activated. It's like a storm in my limbic system is raging and I'm just trying to function with it going on in the background. If I'm gentle and focus on the next action ill get thru today just fine.

I just beat cravings

I just beat cravings by focusing on forming a definite plan for my major goal, attaining full time work, then taking the first three actions on the list toward it. What a difference a purpose makes!

It's amazing how plastic the brain is. We really DO have choices, always. So I've got some real relief today!

I sent

Gregor some appreciation.

Having had enough touch last night completely changes my levels of comfortability with others at work!

Thanks for the link Marnia!

Sex God Project is boss.

I like the post on 120 days without porn. Basically, it is 4 months, which doesn't seem that long. It can do if you've got no girlfriend or no one to be 'tender' with.

Glad it went well for you Anam. Hope your tension will ease over the coming days.