I went to a megachurch tonight with about ten friends, people I help and love and who've loved me dearly. All men, alas!
But OMG... the worship and praise was like a karezza session! The diffuse sense of satisfaction and wholeness and demagnetisation karezza talks about occurred. My whole upper body swelled up with passionate feeling and I did kegels to move the energy around. There was a moment when two sweet American girls behind us were staring at me where I felt intense sexual desire, and a few moments with guys of vague attention, but overwhelmingly the feeling was of sweet freedom from PMO.
Add to that, in the inspired state of trance or worship, I got clear feelings of being guided and provided for, feelings of at-home-ness and at-one-ness which I want to feel more and more.
Then, to top it off, a church friend took me back to meet his beautiful wife and kids. I feel very blessed, especially after a rough day. I feel like God might really be providing for me; maybe this nightmare problem really IS at an end, and life is opening up for me. I felt a new hope at church tonight.