From "science that binds" in CPA:

Submitted by Anam cara on
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Both oxytocin and dopamine at ideal levels are necessary to keep an emotional bond rewarding.

Your relationship is likely to suffer when dopamine levels bounce around.

Think of oxytocin and dopamine as the yin and yang of bonding and love... Ideal levels may also make mates more tolerant and likelier to accommodate each other. Stronger bonds, increased flexibility, and greater happiness are good reasons to master lovemaking that leaves you contented--but not finished/sated.

Pages 206-8.

My comments: When we say love is a process, I think this sense of not being finished is inferred. But it also seems that vicious relationship cycles can occur, where we think "I'm not finished with YOU yet!" It's as if the dope is high but the oxy is low in such relations. CPA again:

Disharmony is very hard on us.

The amygdala...channels brain activity down to two paths, love or fear... It helps decide whether your relationship is safe or threatening...we would be wise to forgive errors as "just human".

The bottom line is that your rational brain is not in control once a spat triggers your amygdala.

The good news is... We can choose behaviours and thoughts that encourage the neurochemical responses we desire...choose the behaviours that release it naturally.



The list


Bonding behaviors
So what behaviors can lovers use to signal each other that they want to deepen their emotional connection? Here is a list:

smiling, with eye contact
skin-to-skin contact
providing a service or treat without being asked
giving unsolicited approval, via smiles or compliments
gazing into each other’s eyes for several moments
listening intently, and restating what you hear
forgiving or overlooking an error or thoughtless remark, whether past or present
preparing your partner something to eat
synchronized breathing
kissing with lips and tongues
cradling, or gently rocking, your partner’s head and torso (works well on a couch, or with lots of pillows)
holding, or spooning, each other in stillness for at least twenty minutes to a half-hour
wordless sounds of contentment and pleasure
stroking with intent to comfort
massaging with intent to comfort, especially feet, shoulders and head
hugging with intent to comfort
lying with your ear over your partner’s heart and listening to his or her heartbeat for several moments
touching and sucking of nipples/breasts
gently placing your palm over your lover’s genitals with intent to comfort
making time together at bedtime a priority (even if one partner has to get up and work on something afterward)
The desire for, and rewards of, these behaviors are deeply rooted in millions of year of evolution. Enjoy!

Other bonding behaviours:

Engaging in spiritual devotion
Focusing on comforting someone else
Singing in the shower
Smiling and saying hello to a stranger on the street
Making friendly small talk
Petting a dog or cat
Gardening mindfully
Sitting in the sun at dusk feeling contented
Admiring babies, pets, teens, and loving couples.


[quote=Marnia]Not sure what to think about all that.Any cuddle buddies on the horizon? Calling All Skin-Hungry Cuddle Sluts[/quote]

Author must've been way high to write that, huh? Wink

I love this article. Who can't relate with the lizard?

"Waiting for a concert to begin at our local county fair, my husband and I checked out a reptile exhibit that included an animal trainer with a live alligator resting calmly on his lap. As we stroked the gator, I asked the trainer why it was so tame. "I pet it daily. If I didn't, it would quickly be wild again, and wouldn't allow this," he explained."