No PMO - Day 4

Submitted by andyl on
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Well, I'm beginning my fourth day of being PMO free and decided to start posting on here. Before I begin, I probably should give you my background.

I'm a healthy, physically fit, attractive (not being cocky at all) 30 year old man. I've been masturbating to porn since I was 13 years old. It started out with me stealing porn magazines as a kid, and progressed into internet porn. Basically, I've been masturbating to hardcore porn since probably around 14 or 15...I never cared much for the soft stuff.

I dated a lot in high school and never had any erection issues at that point. College was when I started to have problems staying erect during sex, losing erections during foreplay, etc. I hooked up with a lot of random women at that point, and my erection issues got worse and worse the older I got.

Fast forward to this summer. I met someone who I had an unreal connection with. We fell hard and fast for each other, but I couldn't stay erect with her. I found her to be SO attractive, and she kept saying that she felt I wasn't attracted to her. Eventually, she pushed me away due to my sexual issues. I was devastated and frustrated, and started thinking I should get some help from my doctor. Then, I found this site.

The more I read, the more it all made sense. The symptoms these guys here were having were the exact same symptoms I was having. I could stay hard as a rock during a porn marathon, but when it came to a real woman, I would lose erections constantly, even though I was extremely attracted to them and wanted sex badly. Looking back, I realized that I've basically been a PMO addict for the last 15 years, and as of a few days ago, I decided to stop.

So, I'm sipping my morning cup of coffee beginning Day 4. The first three days I haven't felt the urge to watch porn, but I think about masturbating an awful lot. Yesterday, I had about 5 episodes of almost a "craving", similar to when I quit smoking. I used the same inner voice I used when I quit smoking, and talked myself through them. I'm going to continue to do that each time it happens in the future.

I did have the first morning wood that I can remember in a VERY long time this morning. It wasn't rock-hard, but I'd say about 80%. I was surprised and in a sense, happy it happened.

I'll post my progress every few days, and thanks in advance if anyone happens to comment.

Comments

Very courageous

This is a big change. Hopefully your recovery will be smooth, but given the length of time porn has been your main focus you may find that after an initial improvement you drop into a "flatline" that lasts for weeks.  Did you read this? "Help! I quit porn, but my potency, genital size, and libido are decreasing"

Also, there's a great forum with lots of guys working through their porn-related ED: YOURBRAINREBALANCED.COM

Good luck. It might pay to educate your ex with the materials on YBOP so she knows what the real issue was. Who knows? She may be willing to help you recover.

Thank you for your reply,

Thank you for your reply, Marnia.

I've read all the threads on flatlining, and I have accepted the fact that it will happen to me due to the length of my addiction. At this point, I feel like I have a new sense that's awakened inside of me, and have more of a positive outlook on life in general. I'm hoping the flatline doesn't kill that, but if it does, I know it's part of the recovery.

Thanks for the forum link with the accounts from other guys. Reading those helps me look forward to the future, and makes me realize I'm not alone.

My ex and I are very close friends now, very close. I may bring that up to her at some point. I've told her that I had "sexual issues", but never really told her exactly what was going on. Whether she helps me with it or not, I owe it to her at some point to come clean. She's one of my best friends, and you never know what might happen with a best friend down the road.

Thanks again, your insight really helps. I'll post on here every few days with my personal account of what I'm going through, and look for help if I need it.