Love For No Reason

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Submitted by Aphrodites Chela on
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I don't know how or why this book got onto my reading list (movie "The Secret"?) but it came to me at the right time. By day 66 (today is 70) I was wondering, "What's next?". I missed the excitement of wanting my Izzy and was wondering how to get that back and stay on track. I read "Chicken Soup for the Soul" a long time ago and it was OK but when I saw "Chicken Soup for Cat Lover's Soul" advertised, I figured that's enough chicken soup!
Marci Shimoff makes some excellent points. She refers her teaching back to the body and that works really well for me. She describes a continuum of Love:
No Love. I hate the POS that murdered Kayla Chesser. I'll let somebody else be compassionate. I wish I were a Jew/Christian/Muslim so I could believe in the eternal suffering of the damned. I understand war and vengeance as I never have before.
Love for Bad Reason. I know this one too.... Bruno said it so well, "To give me all your love is all I ever asked 'cause
What you don't understand is I'd catch a grenade for ya ....
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for ya baby
But you won't do the same" No shit, you're a fuckin' crazy vampire!
Love for Good Reason. I love my wife. I love our kids and grandchildren. I love chocolate. These are external things, objects....things change
Love for No Reason. This is an internal part of our being, not dependent on external objects. It is the feeling I have....she says (Mary Baker Eddy too) it is who I truly am. Here's the part I really like, all I have to do is put my attention to my heart. Shift my focus to that real place in my chest, and there it is, Love. It's really cool. It brings calmness and a smile to my face....every time!
Then she talks about how our ability to do that simple act is blocked and goes through the chakras and techniques for clearing them. I've gotten through the second chakra and find myself not too interested.
I'll keep reading, mining for other gems but for now I want to practice finding/minding my heart. It feels like the perfect next step I need to take. I could not be here if I was still in the orgasm addiction cycle. I would not be here if I had not taken the No Asking path. It has opened the door for me to back away from loving for bad reasons.
Love y'all (as Marci says, that has nothing to do with you)

Comments

I have one son! He will be

I have one son! He will be three in June. No more babies as I got incredibly sick after the c-section operation from all the meds. A long story, I will tell more later. All worthwhile in the grand scheme of things, as I learned to heal myself on a pretty core level. I've have been through hell and back! More later.

Heart Opening

The birth of our first opened my heart in ways I could never have imagined. Sorry for your difficult time and congratulations on 3 years! Our grand daughter is proudly, frequently, telling us "I'm going to be 4" in June.
Of course in this forum, I wanna know, "How's the sex?" This is when Izzy was feeling like constant demands were being made on her body, attention and time. Feeding her sex addicted husband was off the list and I handled it quite poorly.

Day 82

Holy Shit 8 days to go! I think I can do this...almost.
Even though I'm Not Asking, the questions roll around in my head and I sure would like to cut back on that bullshit.
And there have been slips: This morning I asked Izzy if she would like my company in her bed. She said yes! It's been a looooong time, over 14 days at least. It's tricky asking a question like that ("would you like" vs "I want")but I am increasingly free of the load, the expectation/hope and consequent disappointment. I am able to be fairly neutral most, not all, of the time. We cuddled for about 10 minutes (a guess because in that place time is waaay distorted). What I wanted most is my heart touching her. Several times as we shifted positions I pressed my erection into a close nuzzle and then backed off. Just a yummy little treat, but no asking, no intent to build into anything else. So that's my sex life these days; a cuddle every few weeks, some ogling in the shower, and a peek from time to time as she dresses (no prolonged stares of profound appreciation). The perfunctory hugs and kisses of greeting don't count for much (I should look at that).
Love for No Reason is really difficult. I want to find that internal generation and expression independent of outside stimulus. I went to Dances of Universal Peace Monday because I knew I could get a good strong Love fix there. This morning I am stoned on my earlier encounter with Isadora. When she got up I told her, "I feel so good for having spent that time with you. It opens my heart, completely. It's good for me to feel and remember that love. I can carry it as an example of how I want to live my life. Shimoff calls that Love for Good Reason. I want to find ways to feel this way independent of you." She said, "Good idea" as she made her coffee.

Sleeping together

If it isn't too intrusive a question, can I ask why you don't share a bed? Or why - so far as I can recall - you've never asked Izzy into yours?

We had a period when we were disturbing each others sleep (mostly due to me moving about) so much my wife moved into the spare room. Visiting her there was okay, short term, as was having the whole bed to myself to stretch out in; but the bleakness got to me, eventually. So I built an extra large bed, as wide as it is long, and matched it with an enormous duvet, so now we happily coexist, mostly on our respective sides, but occasionally intermingled.

On those occasions we end up not curled around each other, I get great pleasure/solace from reaching out in the middle of the night with my hand or toe and just making peripheral contact with some part of my wife's anatomy. She usually shifts or murmurs in response, even when deeply asleep. 'Limbic resonance' may be happening just from close proximity, but actual touch makes a huge difference. Without it, I can start to feel rather forlorn.

Thanks for bringing it up

We are jealous of our sleep and I have trouble getting back to sleep if I am disturbed. Her queen sized bed is too small for her to share. We can't get a king up the stairs (I took 8 inches off the ceiling to get the queen up). We have different rhythms. She's up late and I'm up early.
It would be good to look into shifting the arrangement, get back to sharing that space and time. thank you

Beds

I built mine in situ. I'd have to saw it in half if we ever move. The made to measure futon mattress is so heavy I can barely turn it over.

It's far and away my favourite 'possession'

We sleep separately

For various reasons. I love it when she comes into my room in the morning and invites me into her bed. It works fine. She sleeps better and I can read or do whatever without waking her. When we sleep in the same bed on vacations it is always problems. She sleeps lightly, I snore. She snores but it doesn't bother me.