Male Initiative

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Submitted by Aphrodites Chela on
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2016-01-10 Sender offered accurate insight and gave me 3 suggestions:

"2. Read this book: http://www.maleinitiative.com/six-initiatives/. It's available free online, or you can order a copy. It's a short read, but it's powerful stuff. It really helped me to put my finger on a number of long-held misconceptions I had about sex, relationships, women, and my role in the whole thing."
I'm reading it.
From page 4: "...he creates an environment of safety and protection for women and children."
How safe does my Izzy feel? If she says "no" she is faced with my pain, anger, and petulance. If she takes her clothes off, I want sex. If she doesn't meet me in an open and loving way, again she must deal with my pain. My expectations destroy any sense of safety. We're back to that, aren't we? Sender suggested don't ask for anything for 90 days. Looks harder than giving up porn or orgasm. I want a damn chip when I make it!

Comments

Initiative

I've been asking my Isadora to join me on this quest for a more affectionate marriage. I have been asking her to take a part, to agree to do SOMETHING, karezza, bonding behaviors, counseling, read this, read Richardson, and on and on. I am frustrated by trying and failing. I don't mind working for change but I want to know I'm on the right track.
MI suggests there is polarity to be honored. As a man, it is my natural role to take the initiative, take the risk, fail or succeed.
Buck up buddy, 90 days of no asking ain't such a big deal.

"....we (men) can't change women.

So we might as well bite the bullet and
see how we contribute to the situations,
accept responsibility for or contribution,
understand why and
and then have compassion for ourselves and men in general..."
I emphasized the "compassion". As important as it is for me to not blame Izzy, it is equally important to forgive myself for my failures. I'll work on the other parts too!

Mastering Yang

Yep, find that Yin balance. Yes take initiative but then sit back and let it unfold. Set the stage, rehearse, and then let the music flow. Don't try to control the outcome.
"Feel what it's like not to want to get anything from your partner." I've got to work on the turning-away-in-anger bit. It feels like "not wanting" but it's the "not wanting" of a 2 year old.