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Submitted by Arnold on
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Hi y'all,

I've been having some interesting results by paying more attention to my dreams and interacting/updating them.

Recently, I became aware of a dynamic that must have started very young in my life. I was competing for the attention of a severely stressed out mother with an adult man (my father) whose capacity to self-nurture and receive nurturing support from other adults was about as limited as my own (I would have been two or three years old). The end result was a competitive connection with the adult male of my youth. I gather I learned tricks to attract mother's attention (and distance myself from the competiion) which resulted in an overly sexualized dynamic in my youth. This would not have been understood consciously (hence the presence in my dreams) but would have helped me receive the small amount of nurturing that is essential for infants. Poor mom was facing demands on all sides!

My dreams are reflecting this these days. They show the difficulty in creating healthy connections with men and the results of an overly sexualized social setting (attractive women have trouble finding female friends, men are distant/absent and yet threatening). Once I've remembered and recorded the dreams, I revisualize a healthy connection with the distant/absent male figure and a less intense connection and more realistic and supportive connection with the female figure. It helps me relax. I'm curious what the effects will be on my relationships with people and my physical health.

One of the dreams seemed to be showing me the difficulty of this depth of "men's work". Men generally don't take much of an interest in their motherly, nurturing side. Competition is generally the routine. For most men, it's difficult to find physical nurturing support anywhere except through an intimate female partner, hence the competitive and oversexualized nature of most of our intimate relationships. For a new-born, nurturing support is essential to life. It certainly wasn't fully satisfied in me. Given how often I hear women complain that their mates are "Just one more kid", I suspect that its rare that this need is fully satisfied in most infant boys.