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Submitted by Arnold on
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A very common pattern in my life is to get caught up in the politics of other couples and feeling beat up rather intensely as I struggle to get some distance from the woman (and calm the man's fears). I think it's related to the ease with which I can connect with women at their level (Head/ Heart) and the difficulties I have connecting with most men. It also has connections to the very poor foundation I had in being mothered in very early youth. I seem to be unconsciously trying to correct it.

Recently I managed to celebrate the birthday of a woman friend I've known for a long time without incurring the jealousy/fear of her partner. It was a major success for me because they are very important people to me for work reasons (They are also really nice people). I simply asked him how he thought she would like to have her birthday celebrated by me and honoured his suggestion. When he said that he wasn't quite ready for it himself, I offered to help him out. It was a relief.

I got into a bit of trouble at a party for Osho people though recently (There are only 4 of us within 100km here, so it was a very rare and precious (to me) event). I opened up much more than usual because I felt safer than usual. I had a great time. Near the end of the party a very attractive woman (who was the friend of one of the Osho women there) gave me an unusually warm hug. I felt a little worried about it so offered her partner (the only other man at that party) a hug, (which he accepted) and promptly bolted. She triggered a pretty strong attraction in me. In the end, I resolved it by getting in touch with my anger at being caught up in yet another triangle albeit only energetically. In future, I'm going to check a little more carefully on how comfortable her partner is with our connection. I wasn't comfortable with it. It was too strong for a woman with a partner.

I think I might be a bit of an enigma to most women here. I'm not interested in the normal routine. I'm interested in people who share my need for consciousness, Love, and healing. They don't really know what to do with me. I had a related experience at a singing group recently. It was made up of a dozen or so women, myself and a buddy of mine. I bought a card for the workshop facilitator at the end of the series of evenings and offered it to everyone if they wanted to say thank-you on it too. A couple of the women were truly confused by my thoughtfulness. It was like they couldn't imagine a man being that way. One of them even offered to chip in for the card! Men are supposed to be tough and insensitive right? Wrong. In the end I lightened up the conversation by putting my fist in the air and declaring, "Men's Lib!". I was quite amazed at their inability to handle a warm-hearted guy. How tragic!