3/15/2013

Submitted by gsa23 on
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I really don't want to have to write this entry. It seems as if there is no hope with this - like it is impossible. I try. I try. I try again. And my ancient, please-be-damned, limbic system wins. It's like it's telling me I won't survive if I don't act out - and, hell, it feels pretty close to this. I don't do porn anymore (though the other day I gave in for the first time in a pretty long while) and the porn is not the issue here. It's about fixing the brain - the withdrawal symptoms induce feelings that are not of this reality - and so it seems as if I have to hop back into this one to make sure I'm not losing touch with things. It's like I can't win - and I simply don't care enough. But I do. Am I overreacting or just being ruthlessly real? "Is masturbating really that wrong?" That's the question I asked myself when I gave in on 3/12.

I made it to 11 days the last time. My record is 20. I just want to make it one month and then I believe it'll be easy enough to get to 2. Next thing you know it's 4. Then 6. I want to commit to this abstinent thing. But the fleeting feelings of PMO (mostly just the MO) seem insurmountable. It's ruining my life. I consider myself a confident person that too is diminishing. I understand I can berate myself all I want, but, dear Lord, please help.

Maybe medicine?

I'll start again today.

Comments

overreacting it sounds like to me

the words you chose sound like you are beating yourself up more than focussing on the actual goal- or even the success you have had. your track record is actually good so why not feel good and encouraged...?!

you ask 'is masturbation so wrong'? - your word choice.

i say no. For me it's the porn that's the problem, and the fact that i had gotten used to the porn as part of my sexual habits.

REPLACING IS THE KEY (in my opinion) . not STOPPING. not ABSTAINING.
The difference being the positive goal. I've never smoked cigarettes but the word on the street is that it gets woven into the person habits, schedule so they go back to it. Many who have quit smoking talk about the need to REPLACE.

in my experiance there are different kinds of masturbation.
For me this is a more important distinction and goal than whether I needed to unload
- for me less frequent is better.
- it's important that when i masturbate #1 i think of my wife - not porn.
- and if porn thoughts drift in I simply don't give them weight, and shift to any preferable image . not a hard thing to do but i needed to remind myself. i now have a few NEW favorites that turn me on that are mental memory images of my wife.
- i also try to use lighter pressure so that the journey from erection to orgasm is not achieved by something i can only do myself. for ex. using left hand...

I realize that this may relate to your situation or not but i hope it's ok to share my reaction..

Time to try something new

Can you find an accountability partner? Try YOURBRAINREBALANCED.COM

Watch this presentation. It has some good ideas: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XW7nI6_mmE

Stay calm. You're not doing badly at all. Just staying away from porn is the main goal...especially if you're on your own. Maybe you can choose a reasonable masturbation schedule and stick to it (no porn or porn fantasy...because they tend to overheat).

Let us know what works for you.

I agree

I find if I put myself down for some mishap(as f.ex. looking at something inappropriate) I see it as a victory if I can say no, and move away from it.

I think it impacts us in a bad way if we try to be to perfectionistic. Expect that you will fail, and that this is a journey. As Pema Chodron says "in our process of changing our habits its like this: 5 steps forwards, 5 steps backwards, 5 step forwards, 4,5 steps backwards. Yeeey 4,5 steps backwards, progress!"

You or on the right direction, there's nothing wrong with you or your limbic system, in fact it's just doing it's job. Now you have to let it know who is boss, without being intimidating to yourself; it doesn't work.

I know you will continue making process, keep at it. :)

Ps. this video helped me a lot: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hyb3sbdKOlw

That's interesting, I'm getting mixed signals..

From http://themodernsavage.com/2009/02/04/effects-of-male-masturbation-on-at...

In 2003, there was a research study done on the testosterone levels in males during certain periods of abstaining from ejaculation. It found that there was a gradual increase in testosterone levels during the first five days but on days six and seven there was a huge spike, up to a 147% increase in testosterone on day seven. After day seven, testosterone levels returned to normal, thus indicating that seven days is the effective number of days to abstain from ejaculating in order to hit peak levels of testosterone:

http://themodernsavage.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/testosterone_chart...

I was through Day 6.

I was through Day 6. It was during the 7th day. So I was reading your Psychology Today article titled "The Right Masturbation Advice" (which I found very liberating!) and you mentioned that the withdrawal from this stuff is worse than cocaine, opiates, nicotine, and alcohol. I found that this simple knowledge makes oneself seem like a warrior in the midst of withdrawal (doesn't make the physiological symptoms any easier but this rational knowledge is empowering to the mind and willpower thus doing away with some of the symptoms - mind plays off body and body off mind). It's like if I can do this - and one day (hopefully soon) I will - you've gone through the worst withdrawal that there is. Yes?

And, Marnia, in your opinion, what is the easiest way to have a genuine reboot yet not make the withdrawal so hellish? During Day 6 I didnt know whether to sleep for 12 hours or to throw a table. I understand the concept that "the healing should hurt/be uncomfortable" but, dear goodness. I feel like you've answered this question but have you experienced anything that you really felt helped a ton?

Im thinking exercise alone can work wonders here. I just need one thing to commit do. And my diet is pretty balanced.

Thank you so much for your help throughout my journey.

Well, sounds like you were right

about that T spurt. Blush That's what I get for being hasty. We hear so many guys explain all the problems/benefits they see with the Almighty Testosterone...and yet blood tests and research just don't show a correlated pattern, 'cept for that one spike.

Now, back to throwing tables. Remind me, are you noticing ED? If not, then a regular, say weekly for now, masturbation (without porn or porn fantasy) schedule might work well for you. Just watch out for chaser over the next few days: Do You Need A Chaser After Sex? Some guys do okay with a gradual recovery. It's the ED guys who usually have to be uncompromising.

As for ways of coping, exercise is probably the most popular, but there are many cool techniques on this page: ♦Solo Tools Meditation, time in nature, doing something creative or generous, socializing and yoga/tai chi/qi gong all have their fans. There are also endless tips here:

Rebooting Advice & Observations

and here:

Uncle Bob's Porn Addiction Recovery Tips

and the Porn FAQs  are good too. We try to collect everything we've learned on YBOP.

Yeah, for many

guys who have been pretty active, orgasms with masturbation are like Fritos. Tough to have just one. However, based on what I've heard, I think it's likely that if you can stop at one, and just tell your brain that even though you feel like you need more, you don't - you will see your libido gradually come into balance.

If you just can't stop the binge, then you might do better with cold turkey for a while: Vibrators and Other Pleasures: When 'Moderation' Fails