ATL's blog

My how time flys

Submitted by ATL on

Wow...a year and a half since my last blog entry here! That's nuts. I can't believe it's been that long. First let's start with the good news first:

My old PMO habits have been permanently changed, I feel. That isn't to say that I have had some slip-ups and relapses in the past 18 months. I have. But, by and large, I stay away from both porn and masturbation. I go weeks and weeks without either, months often, and might have a moment of weakness and indulge. But afterward I'm back on that train of no PMO.

7 months on

Submitted by ATL on

Well, it's been a month since my last update so it's time to freshen this blog up.

Good news, I'm now over 6 months without porn. Zero. I don't really think about it that much, though every now and then a desire comes up to look. But I've been able to redirect my mind to something else. My libido has been consistently strong.

Update- conquered MO! (I hope)

Submitted by ATL on

I wanted to give an update, since I've been a couple weeks.

First the good news: I haven't masturbated for three weeks! I've been over 5 months now, totally porn free, which feels great. But I really had a tough time getting out of that masturbation habit. But I think I may have licked it, I don't have many of those temptations any more like I used to have, especially in the morning. I really just don't think about it all that much.

Porn is not sex

Submitted by ATL on

Having been porn free for nearly 5 months now, I've realized how much pornography influenced my sexual life. I had sex in the way I saw people doing it in pornography. The sex I had was meant to emulate what I saw, because that's what looked and felt good.

But real sex I don't think is really like that. At least sex that leaves me deeply fulfilled. It's less about performance and show, and more about intense intimacy and an expressions of love with your partner.

No sex week 2 in the books

Submitted by ATL on

I am now into week three of my month without sex, and I wanted to share an observation.

I'm really, really attached to my partner. We spent four days straight together and I enjoyed all of it. Then when we got back to our normal lives, and I didn't see her as much, I really missed her. Cuddling with her feels so great right now, when I'm around her I always want to be close and touching her. I hate to see her go, and I feel great when I see her again.

No sex/orgasm - Day 2

Submitted by ATL on

Today was the second day of my month of no sex or orgasm challenge. My girlfriend had her surgery yesterday, everything went great. But no sex for a month were the doctors orders, so it's a good time to give this a shot. Since I started masturbating at the late age of 17 some 15 years ago, I've never gone a month without an orgasm.

The elusive Karezza

Submitted by ATL on

My last entry was two weeks ago, after I had just had my first Karezza experience with my girlfriend, and a very positive one at that.

I'm a little sheepish to admit, I haven't been so good since then. No relapse on porn (4 months!) or masturbation, fortunately. But I am not doing very good at keeping sex in the Karezza realm, and out of the orgasm/escalation real. The thing is, I really enjoy orgasming during sex with my girlfriend. I love the feeling. So even though I go into sex with the intent to have Karezza and not orgasm, it usually turns into an escalation to orgasm.

First Karezza experience. Success!

Submitted by ATL on

My first step here was eliminating porn, which I've done successfully for about 110 days now. Then I sought to stop masturbating, which was a lot harder to do, although I've been "clean" for about two weeks now from masturbating. Finally, tonight I told my girlfriend I wouldn't be orgasming. She was a little surprised at first, although I had talked about trying Karezza before. So she did have an idea about what it's all about.

If not one addiction, then another

Submitted by ATL on

Last weekend, my girlfriend said I had seemed distracted recently. She was right, and I felt terrible about it.

I had sunk into a stupor of constantly checking various HOCD message boards. I was spending hours every day on those sites, sometimes checking them as much as several times an hour. At work, while I was driving, in bed at night, etc. etc. etc. Really bad checking behavior. My brain was being rewarded when I would read something that reassured me, and it would fire up and freak out when I read something that worried me and spiked my anxiety.