18 days...confession time

Submitted by ATL on
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Well, I MOed twice in the last week. I don't want to make excuses or anything, just to say that I missed up. Both times it was to get that release, that relaxed feeling so I could go back to sleep again. I find myself waking up too early these days, and then if I can't get back to sleep I start stressing. The way to get back to sleep, almost always, is to MO. So I did that twice.

But I have a new idea. I'm just going to try to get to bed earlier. I'm hoping that will allow me to get the sleep I need, and not feel like I have to MO to get back to sleep.

But the good news is, I still haven't looked at any porn. And with the exception of a handful of times, I really haven't had much of a desire to.

Of course, each time I orgasm, and particularly when I MO it seems, I have a few days where I feel pretty flat emotionally, and I don't feel that much for my girlfriend. Well, she is out of town for a week, so I'm going to have a week to fully rebound without any orgasm and see how things go.

I still just kinda have this stressed anxious feeling. I haven't been very relaxed lately. Maybe it's the other things going on in my life, or maybe it's that I'm still orgasming too much (I orgasm during sex still).

Comments

Withdrawal

is stressful. And insomnia is not unusual.

Still, if you're off the porn, you're doing well.  Maybe you'll get a run without masturbation too, and then you can see if you feel less anxious by the end of it. Some guys do.

Thanks for the support. Right

Thanks for the support. Right now I just have this anxious, sorts "pent up" feeling and it feels like if I MO that will be released and I can relax. But I'm holding out, I'm going to try to make it this whole week with no O and see how I feel.

With the clarity of current conditions

I am able to reflect back and "see" some things in what I feel is a more accurate manner. In this instance, aside from escapist/stress compulsions, I too used M/O as a relaxer/sleep aid, whether as a general nightly tranquilizer, to stop tossing/turning, to get back to sleep because of a middle of the night wakeup (more often NOT due to a sex/wet dream than because of one), and even as a weekend morning solution to being awake earlier and wanting to sleep more. At the time in my head, it was simply a sleep aid - now, I can see it as not the solution, but the habit - I was addicted to those M/O episodes related to sleep, and it was my internal sexual (in the form of M/O) clock that was popping me awake - "time to reach down and have some fun". I had cause and effect totally backwards.

what I do is simple

I wake up and read for awhile. That's it. Then if I fall back asleep, fine. If I don't, fine. I love reading anyway.

And I don't mind not getting much sleep. I can always nap during the day if I have to. There is never any stress about falling back asleep and the reading is a "replacement behavior" for the masturbation.

The other thing in general is plenty of snuggling and if you are doing it, karezza, as these remove the drive and the urgency to masturbate. If you read back on my blog, I stopped masturbation completely about 8 months ago cold turkey with no real problems and this is how I did it. Bonding behaviors and not worrying about whether I sleep or not -- using reading as a replacement behavior.

Interesting

Laz- I never thought about it that way, that I'm waking up early because my body is ready for its O "hit." Interesting. I'm really going to try and resist that, and see whe I get. It's been a full week now with no PMO or MO or O of any kind as my girlfriend has been out of town. I'm really looking forward to some slugging and bonding (and sex) with her.

Emerson- that's so true, the more pressure you put on yourself to get back to sleep the less likely up are to do so. I like your strategy of reading. I also find tht if I just get up, and maybe go outside for some fresh air for a few minutes, then go back to bed I'm more relaxed than if I just lay there and try to will myself back to sleep.

Thank you both for the thoughts and suggestions.

ATL