Hi everyone! My story isn’t very special but it is candid.
I’m 22 years old, male and a virgin. Bet you have built a picture already, but don’t close just yet. I am extremely confident in some areas (I am a singer), but I get social anxiety and have a huge fear of rejection -- I can be very friendly and talkative, but when any woman shows a slight interest in me I panic, I cannot do anything my heart wills me to! Maybe if I was 15 that’d be cute -- pretty frustrating at 22.
I am not a porn addict. (That’s nothing short of miraculous considering my past occupation as a horny teenager.) But I believed masturbation was natural stress-relief and I was pretty addicted to that! I look back on my teenage years and can hardly believe how fatigued I felt all the time. I was too scared of rejection to admit how lonely I was to anyone, so I’d just stay at home, occasionally locking the door for privacy.
(in truth, I’m certain that fear of vulnerability is a wider national flaw for us in the UK. You learn very quickly that the worst thing you can be to anyone –especially your friends– is a burden. We’re not nearly as liberated a nation as we think we are.)
Well! Once I gave up orgasm 37 days ago, I immediately felt calmer, happier – just better in every way. Amazingly my musicianship became more fluid and I started getting chest hair (!!) after one week. Nobody told me that may happen! But that was Step #1. Now I must confront my shyness if I am to lead any sort of life.
Nerves and Women
Firstly I don’t meet many eligible women, so feel free to chastise me on that. But here’s what happens when I do:
On nights when I sing, I am a different person. I relax, smile and laugh very easily. Even I can see how I may be attractive then, but I never truly ‘feel’ attractive – it’s purely intellectual. Sometimes my singing gets me attention from women and I feel impossibly out of my depth trying to maintain the flirting.
It’s not like I have a fear of women. I get on brilliantly with partnered female friends, older women or single friends who presumably don’t fancy me. It’s specifically girls who give signs of encouragement that I freeze up with. (May as well confess: I‘m currently avoiding a local music session because a girl I fancy visits them. She’s exceptionally gorgeous but she’s 27 and very worldly – she has no idea how difficult it is for me to act on her cues! Sometimes she is clearly flirting, but never outright enough to make me relax. Yes, I’m soft.)
This goes beyond girls -- I’m uncomfortable with everyone when I’m without purpose. That’s to say: when I’m helping, educating or singing it’s different – I’m confident in my role and only desire to give, and everyone’s a friend – but if I were to go out alone, for instance, I’d be seeking to ‘get’, and that’s when I feel anxious. Except for singing, I never put myself in situations where I may meet others, and the prospect is very daunting.
I have just graduated from uni- I chose to live here and all my friends have now moved away. It recently dawned on me that for the first time in my life I have no female friends at all. (Just saying that is awful – I learnt as a child to thrive on female attention and I definitely wilt without it - I first observed this when I was 6, I was a little lover back then. I’m actually worse with women now than as a child!)
What I could really do with above everything is a cuddle. But there’s no one! I have two older musician friends who are quite maternal towards me. I’d love to cuddle with them if they allowed: one of these ladies is divorced and she might just welcome a non-sexual cuddle from a young lad like myself, but how do I say it out of the blue? We tend to meet once a week and play music together – there’s never much time for heart-to-hearts. Even if she’s open to cuddling, I am only three years older than her daughter and she may think that inappropriate. (On the other hand she is Irish and a shiatsu therapist, so she’s probably a lot less reserved about that kind of thing.)
So, my question to you is how have ‘you’ met lovers or cuddle-friends? I have read the tools to connect; I’d love to try some of these things – but what specifically has worked for you? I’d love to hear your stories.
So couples, answer me – how did you meet? And ladies – where would you go if you wished to meet an altogether switched-on man? I have half a mind to consider online dating – at least then I could assume she was nervous as well - but I wouldn’t know where to begin looking.
I would appreciate hearing what meditations, yoga/taichi you practice too. There are a few in my area, but I don’t know where to start. As for meditation I only know Tibetan Longchen (a compassion meditation), which I’ll gladly share if you speak up!
Possible setback? Advice from Karezza men please
This morning, I ejaculated without orgasm after only 20 seconds of half-asleep touch. I just reached down to check it was still there and suddenly -- Vesuvius on the sheets. Aside from the embarrassment of having the world’s most premature ejaculation, I started to feel anxious, irritable and now I am completely lethargic and downhearted. The contrast between now and the past month is incredible.
Until now I haven’t ejaculated in over a month (my prostate aches as if it had a workout). Is some kind of ejaculation unavoidable, do you think?
Second: how’s ejaculation vs. orgasm? I tend to think seed retention is a wise idea, but I assumed orgasm was the main neurological culprit? Your thoughts would be interesting.
Sexual energy tips?
Also guys, a more obvious question: how do you move that sexual energy out of the genitals? I haven’t had much success with the palm method.
I definitely need help with this – presently I feel like Priapus. Actually no, I feel like I’ve been surgically attached to a madman. The rest of my body is sleepy and androgynous whilst my genitals are on fire. If electrical companies could rig me up, I’m sure I’d power an entire continent - but this is all trapped in my johnson! Help me drive that energy upwards so I can sing like Barry White. What things work for you?
Placing a call for CCs
Finally, if any sisters out there are seeking a courtly companion, I’d love to be of service. As a kid I wished desperately for a sister, but since she never came I struck up lots of platonic friendships with women instead. I’m quite comfortable with the idea! I’ve grown unintentionally familiar with lots of female issues I never knew existed, so it’s also unlikely you’ll be able to shock me. Doesn’t that sound like a bargain?
That’s it! Thanks for reading the whole sprawl. I look forward to meeting you.