Happy new year!

Submitted by beherenow on
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2014 came with a lot of energy and I feel good.
Still on and off the porn/masturbation wagon. The pattern the past few months have been about a month off, then a week of bing, then a month off, etc.. So first slip of the year yesterday and today. Good thing is I am not feeling that bad.
A quick update:

-Did my yoga teacher training in Thailand, I am now teaching part time a couple of times a week, really happy about that
-During my stay in Thailand, I resisted the urges to masturbate or hookup with a shemale for almost all the 5 weeks, but unfortunately, on the last night, I was overwhelmed and fucked a shemale escort. Experience was terrible (A sex that lasted about 10 minutes, costed about 400 dollars, not at all like the fantasy I have been building up all the time with shemale porn). I kicked the "girl" out (she was actually very polite and nice person, in retrospect), then I felt so bad, cried a lot, didnt sleep a wink..).
-Still no girl in the picture, the girl I had a crush of begining of last year is now kinda dating one of my good friends. I dont actually feel bad about it, but maybe I am kidding myself, because I watched porn yesterday and today, after finding out they are dating (even though I still don't feel any jealousy or something like that conciously).
-Really had a successful year at work, got very good grading at the year end evaluations, (co)wrote almost 30 patents
-Very grateful about my job, specially considering that I got 41 days of holiday (33 regular holiday, 7 that my boss let me have unofficially) and that is not including public holidays. Sweden rocks!:-)
-Shaved my hair, no more rasta (have been growing my hair for almost 3 years), feel really great (specially during running, yoga)
-Stayed for a couple of weeks at my parents home without any drama and conflict (and also porn, masturbation free during those days, as I used to go into it crazily when I go there, maybe because it was there that it all started)

Overall, no hang ups, that is the way things are right now.

Rough plans for 2014 (not necessarily achieve all, but rather a wish list)
-Stay clean off porn and masturbation, hopefully I will make it this time
-Be less judgemental and less celeberal when meeting women
-Go to as many dates as possible (even with women that I am not that much into).
-If a chance for a relationship arises, take it, even with a woman that I am not 100% into, just to get into that mode again
-Meditation every day (one and off so far, but try to keep it up)
-Stockholm marathon in less than 2:55 (have already started training)
-Learn to play the guitar (have just started)
-Learn Swedish
-Blog here more often, at least once a week. I remember being more motivated to stay on course when I was doing so.
-Reduce total internet time at home (even non porn related)
-Finish my apartment decoration (just the curtains in the bedroom, fixing paints and some wardrobe, carpets and boxes for documents remain)

Well, see you next week!:-)


That's a decent report

Sometimes you just have to relapse to see that your brain was telling you a Big Fat Lie.

Here's to a real partner and companion soon!

Congratulations on your brilliance at work! And smooth sailing with parents is always a major accomplishment. Wink