Sorry for disappearing. really busy schedule these days.
before I do a quick update, one question: Marnia, from your experience, what was the longest time you have witnessed for someone to reboot? From reading articles here (and also maybe also mentioned a bit in your book, I am not sure), i thought something like 2-6 weeks
suffices. Just trying to put the time that it is taking me into perspective. But maybe those 2-6 weeks must be absolutely free in the sense that no other triggers that can create the dopamine rush, like tons of time on dating sites (looking at all those beautiful girls out there might not make me feel like masturbating, but it sure gives a false hope that I can have all of them...) or some stupid videos or not porn but almost video clips on youtube etc..?
Some quick update:
- have ejaculated just once since this round started, about three weeks ago. Was a bit horny and started masturbating in the shower, thought I could edge it and not come, but I lost control at some point. Not really great release or anything I felt (usually it feels amazing the first time I masturbate after a long break)
- I have not been back to watching porn but almost. This last week, I have been struggling a lot. For example, right now, I just managed to get away before it was too late. Even though I have successfully stopped going to reddit.com (which was my trigger website), I am now searching on youtube stuff like shemale, ladyboy, etc... convincing myself, it will be some harmless softcore material, and then get carried away, and ended up googling the same thing, but managed to stop all the time before the video I clicked on started..
- I think the above has something to do with my upcoming trip to Thailand. I am going there on the 28th. I arrive at Bangkok on the 29th and the yoga course starts on the 1st in another island. I still have not bought a ticket to that island, undecided whether to go there directly the same day or stay one day in Bangkok. And there is this big urge to spend that night in Bangkok prowling for ladyboys and trying out my fantasy and see if that is for real. My excuse for this thinking being that maybe I will be disgusted and kill the fantasy, but I think there is a big risk that I might get addicted to it even more. Then what? I really need some insight into this.
- I attended some tantra festival about a month and half ago, amazing experience! A bit challenging at first, but I had some very emotional experiences like getting over my hangups about my penis size and dancing naked infront of 300 people, even getting aroused in some nude exercises infront of many men and women and not caring about it, realizing that I am very much arouse by voices and sounds than sights... many many more, maybe I will summarize it one day when I get the time, but too long to describe here..
- I met one 23 year old bi girl there and we have fooled around a bit, she really wants to go the tantra way with me, but I am not that attracted to her. She spent the night with me a couple of days ago, nada, didnt feel horny at all.
- I have met some polish girl a couple of weeks ago, and we have had one date last week, and maybe I will see her tomorrow again. She seems to be very nice and kind, the kind of caring women you can easily imagine as a mom. But part of me is trying hard to reject her already, the excuse being she is not that pretty (though she is petite and fit). But I will try my best not to flee already and spend some time with her and see where that leads.
- Maybe also the flriting with the porn thing that has been happening the past few days have something to do with that, as my date with her was on Saturday and it was after that I started doing that..or maybe I am analyzing too much
- Ups and down at work. This week has been terrible, unmotivated and spending as little time as possible, even though I really have to fix a lot of things before the 28th, as I am leading a team that is working on some urgent topics and have to getting things in places, kick start some research activities and find an acting leader for the team during the five weeks that I am away, etc... so if I don't get my act together early next week, shit is gonna hit the fan...
- Doing a lot of yoga (as a preparation to the course), running, and also started doing group training at the gym. For example, most days this week: run in the morning, gym during lunch break, yoga after work...quite exhausting, I am gonna skip running the whole week next week, and maybe replace that with meeting some friends after work...
- Bought the book that Marina recommended about Tantra (Tantric secretes for men). I have read 1/4th of it, quite interesting, but it seems mostly for someone with a partner. But I will keep reading. I also bought another book , the art of sexual ecstasy by Margo Anand, which seems to be more thorough and targeted to those also without a partner.
- Mostly I feel great. Two, three times last week, I approached girls cold while waiting for the train and told them that they looked really nice. All of them seemed to be positively surprised and we had a good conversation after that. I left them with my card, saying they can add me on facebook and maybe we meetup later. So far nothing. So next time, I will ask for a date right there, rather than putting the responsibility on them. The Adrelanin rush was so addictive, I think I am gonna do it more often
- Ran the Stockholm half marathon today. 2 minutes worse than my personal best, but still awesome feeling. Specially, getting cheered by most of my friends on the way. G was there at several places, even ran with me half a km on the uphill part of the course to motivate me, J was there at the finish line, and later had a light dinner at some cafe with some more friends. I am grateful for having all these lovely people in my life. I am tired of complaining on what I don't have, if it comes, wonderful indeed, otherwise, why would I spoil the good things I have?
well, I switch off now. nighty nights!:-)