week 1 day 5

Submitted by beherenow on
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what a day!
I slept like 9 hours and felt very fresh in the morning. Headed directly to Bikram Yoga and afterwards I went to cheer for my friend G who was running a half marathon (I was supposed to be his pacemaker for the last 11K but my knee is still not recovered after my run with him on Wednesday, so I was just giving moral support). I managed to meet it at the 10K, 18K and finish lines. and he did perfectly as we planned, and finished with a personal best of 1:24:17, 3 minutes faster than his last try. I felt very happy and proud, as we have been training together!:-)

With his new gf, and J (my decorator friend), we had some coffee and chat afterwards and I went with J to some paint shop and bought some paint for my kitchen and living room. And we got it at half price!:-)

We went home (I and J), had some tea, and had yet another awkward moment, taking a nap together on my bed for about 45 minutes. There were few instances when I got a bit aroused, but most of the time, it was just hugging for me. While on her side, I didnt think it was, as she told me later that "It is hard to lie next to you and not think about sex, how about you?" I mumbled something like, "yes, once in a while".. and few times she was kinda putting her head up and looking at me, as if waiting for me to kiss her, that made me uncomfortable a bit. I mean, I really like this girl and she is helping me so much, but I just don't fancy her that way, and it seems she is just waiting for something to happen. And maybe I am also giving that impression to her, because on the way home we were talking about relationship, sex etc. and I actually told her about Karezza and my rebooting (not the gory details, but a summarized version). Also told her right now if I meet a girl and fall for her I am not gonna rush to have sex with her, and will try to develop something with her first. And she said she also finds the way sex and relationship develop here in Sweden as very stressful and she would rather develop intimacy first than have sex first and then work on the intimacy afterwards. Anyways, we agreed to go to some party at a bar/club together afterwards and we parted. As we parted, we were hugging and she was joking "maybe this was a good tantra practice for you" which made me laugh..

I went to the party with a neighbor S, and he has invited K with him. K is an Estonian girl that he has dated very briefly (S sleeps around a lot, and amazingly he manages to keep even his one night stands as friends). I saw K at his birthday party early march, and has mentioned to him that she was very pretty and I liked her. So I was mentioning to him last week or so that he should set me up with her. So finally he sort of obliged. And wow, didnt she look gorgeous! Wearing a deep red overcoat, kinda fishnet stocking and high boots, hmmmm. And I was amazed when I found out later on that sewing is her hobby and that she actually made the overcoat herself from scratch! The club was pretty empty when we arrived, so we took a big table, ordered some drinks and started chatting. She was so much fun to talk with. We made a pinky promise that she is going to be my fashion adviser we will go shopping one of these days to help me pink something trendy.

Later on J joined as with another friend, don't remember her name (and she left rather abruptly after a while, her bf called her or something). We danced till almost 1:30 and there was a lot of flirting going on between K and I and at some point I was wondering whether I should try to kiss her or not (specially when just the two of us were outside taking some fresh air). We left together, the four of us (myself, S, K and J), went to a hot dog stand, and spent maybe 20 minutes or so having a very lively conversation about this and that. We took the metro together, J got off first, and the three of us stopped at another station to change to another train. While waiting for that train, which took 15 minutes, we played each other's favorite songs on Spotify and chatted a bit more. I also took her number. S and I got off at the next stop, and as we hugged goodbye I reminded her that we are going shopping together soon.

It feels so great to have such a warm feeling towards a girl again!:-) I noticed few times when I was touching her while dancing and I felt that I was not getting the response I expected (though most of the time I did, like when I caressed her hands and stroke her fingers, she reciprocated), my monkey brain jumped to find something ugly in her. It was such a fast automated reaction that I was aware of it only after I had played a bit with statements like "but her skin is not really that smooth" over and over in my head. Wow, it is so amazing to experience first hand the web of defense mechanism that the ego puts into force whenever it feels threatened.

I told S that I think that K is amazing and I like her a lot and I want to try with her. He agreed that she was very nice indeed but warned me that she is very used to having male friends (she works in IT at a bank and almost all her colleagues are male). So I didnt completely understand whether he was saying that I should try to set the direction as soon as possible or that I should take her response towards me with a pinch of salt. Whatever the case, I will try to contact her soon and maybe ask her out for a proper date plain and simple rather than continue with this "fashion adviser" role play thing. I think sometimes it is just nice to be boring, plain and simple rather than try to be the most entertaining and fun guy all the time, which I usually work too hard on whenever I meet a girl that I like.

Wow, 3:50am already. Great that I can sleep as late as I want to as I have almost no plans at all for tomorrow except maybe yoga in the late afternoon followed by some chanting singing with some of the hippy friends that I made during the Easter yoga festival. And I go to bed thinking of K. Ah, how cute, one might say!:-))


Guys often notice

that as they disconnect from porn that habit of looking for flaws fades. It's part of the OCD that often develops in porn users. That need to find the perfect shot, etc.

Anyway, the good news is that real women start to look more attractive just as they are.