week 1 day 6

Submitted by beherenow on
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slept around 4am, and woke up at 6, was a bit hard to fall back asleep again, but somehow I managed and slept till 12. Woke up, ate a good breakfast, and took a bath. It was a lovely spring morning, and for a minute or two I was overwhelmed by this gloomy feeling that sometimes overcomes me on such a day (oh, such a beautiful day and I have no one to share with it, oh poor me, blah blah) but I just witnessed it and it went away. I decided that I would not waste such a beautiful day and went to a forest a metro stop away from my office. I spent like 3 and half hours there, meditating for about half an hour, and mostly sleeping and sunbathing the rest of the time. Originally I planned to read and listen to music but I changed my mind, it was much nicer just to listen to the birds. I thought of K (the girl from yesterday's party) for a while, and to be honest what I felt was fear. Fear that nothing will materialize with her, another "might have been" case like many others. But that thought also didnt last that much. It was just amazing to just lay there and feel the sunlight caress my shirtless body. It was one of the rare moments when I felt completely and utterly happy to be by myself. I wanted to stay there till sunset, but I was getting hungry and I also had to go to a singing event in the evening, so had to leave.

After passing by home and having some bite to eat, I went to the place where the enlightenment singing event was happening. just before I left I got a text from JM telling me that she wants me to visit her in the summer house on the Stockholm archipelago before she comes back to stockholm, so I wrote her back asking till when she was going to be there. Actually, I was a bit perplexed by her not replying to my text the other day, so getting her text made me happy. Thursday and Friday are holidays in Sweden, so it would be great if I could spend one of those days or nights with her.

The singing was amazing! It made me also realize how much I miss singing. There was about 20 of us, 4 musicians and singers and the rest of us acting as their choir. Mostly songs with easy mantra like lyrics that we kept on repeating on and on (inspiring songs about loving oneself, opening our heart, not being afraid)...I specially liked one that went on something like "Looking at the mirror, what do I see? Do I see a beautiful being of light, do I see the preciousness of my self? Reflections in the mirror, what comes to my mind? Am I judging myself in not being what I think that others want me to be?..." I didnt believe that we were there more than 2 hours when we were done, just beautiful!

Went home, cooked dinner and also lunch for tomorrow, made a couple of talks with friends. I also texted S, my Ukrainian neighbor, to go out dance batchata with me tomorrow, but she replied saying she had plans for tomorrow but maybe next time...I am not really sure why I asked her out anyway, instead of focusing on K, whom I know is single while S is kinda seeing someone. Maybe I thought that knowing I had other options will relax me a bit? Maybe after receveing the text from JM, I thought something like "Hmmm, so next week, it could be possible to fuck JM, and have dates with S and K as well, who is the man now, eh?"... who am I kidding, that was exactly what I felt when I was writing her the text :-)... Anyways, I dont really know how to proceed with K, part of me says call her tomorrow and ask her out plain and simple, the other says take it easy, just text her or something, play with her a bit, go shopping together and let her pick a shirt for you.. Ah, I dont know, I will sleep over it and see how it feels tomorrow.

Nighty nights!:-)

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