week 5, day 2

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wow, I don't remember the last time I slept so good! Nine and a half hours of pure bliss. I didn't even turn sides, i could have slept with a cup of tea on my hands and woken up without spilling it... OK, now I am exaggerating, but it was wonderful...that should be one of my lifetime targets, to sleep every day like this.

After a delicious breakfast of rye bread, honey and cheese (I have started to indulge myself into different kinds of cheese lately...), I took 30 minutes of visualization/meditation and headed to work.

On the way to the metro it occurred to me actually, I am not noticing so many girls as I did before rebooting. Back then, I was watching each and every girl and fantasizing about her in one way or another. Even the not so pretty ones were used in some domination or humiliations scenes. It was really stressful. I mean, I always got the urge to talk with them, as if I am able to seduce them right there on the train. I think when you have seen as much porn as I have done, no wonder that you start anticipating to just fuck a girl within seconds of meeting her. Now, usually I listen to music or read or the past couple of weeks, follow a ten or five minutes guided mindfulness audio track, depending on the length of the trip. You have no idea how liberating that is. I am not saying that I will never think of talking with a girl in the metro, but now I know I don't have to. Previously, every metro trip was kinda a failure because I felt a bit down whenever I stepped out without managing to start a conversation with one girl in the train, which was like almost all the time (maybe i have talked to girls in the metro 5 times in my 11 months in Stockholm).

At work, I have to rush to catch up on some reading before the meeting at 11. I discussed some issues with my office mate, who is an expert in the field and a very nice guy. That helped me a bit. During the meeting, I must say I was a bit confused. A bit too abstract concepts were on the table, and now I was supposed to lead the time. Hmmmm, it is gonna be interesting. But my manager was the one running the meeting, at least this time, and I hope I will catch up soon.

Late lunch with one German colleague in a salad bar. I like salad, but almost always as a side dish. So I was not sure if I could manage with just a salad for a lunch, but I was mistaken. It was amazing, and I was full and satisfied with just one bowl of salad. I think I should come to this place at least once a week.

After lunch, I had only a couple of hours before another meeting, and managed to get some reading done. But still wasted some time face booking and gmailing...Ah, this is becoming hard to get rid off..I thought it was easy, I was not doing it for three four days and now I am back at it.

The second meeting was a bit long, and out of the blue I got a boner. It was funny because the Lebanese girl was sitting beside me, and I have to slid a bit into the table to make sure that she won't notice. It stayed for some time, but when I started doing some kegel exercises, it died slowly. The meeting finished around 16:30 and I rushed home, changed and ran to the gym. I did a quick hill training of about 7kms, went home, eat a banana, took shower and hurried to salsa course. The salsa today was even better than the one on Sunday, this time it was a couple teaching, and they were repeating every step and checking on every one of us. I felt really comfortable doing all the moves. There were no pretty girls at all, which helped me to focus more on the dancing:-).

Then I left there almost running to meet a couple of friends for dinner. Just outside the salsa place, I ran into the Greek girl, R, whom I mentioned in my first post (I was trying to date her, and we made out one evening, but I was afraid of what might happen if I didn't manage get it up or something and didn't push further). It has been almost two months since I saw her, ah, and I have forgotten how adorable she was! She was also coming from a dance lesson (she does ballet and jazz). We talked a bit, she told me she has been a bit busy trying to find an apartment (now she is back with her bf, she was on a break with him when I met her in September) bla bla... did I mention that I hate bfs?:-).. we decided to meet sometime next week to catch up and I continued running to meet my friends who were waiting for me about 400m away at the metro station.

I met B (from Pakistan) and U (from Russia) in the first Swedish course I took back in May, and we have kept in touch in fb but were not able to find the time to meet up before today. We went to a malaysian restaurant about 500m from my place. I love spicy food, so I asked for some lamb, extra spicy... hmmmm... delicious, specially after the gym and dancing I was starving (I am still amazed that I survived for about 9 hours with just a salad!). U was pregnant with her second baby and told us she and her husband have decided to go back to Moscow because they dont like it here (missing friends and family, she couldn't find a job, life is expensive, etc..). And when we were talking about life in Moscow, I asked B if he has been there (I knew he likes to travel). And he told us that he has never been to Moscow but once was in St. Petersburg and mentioned how difficult it was for me to get a visa even though he has a permanent residence in Sweden. He mentioned he applied with his partner, and they gave his partner the visa in a week or so, but it took him about 2 months. I asked "Is your gf swedish?" He replied "Yes, he is Swedish. btw, I am gay" I was a bit surprised because I always thought I have a good gaydar but never suspected him.
Then we talked a lot about being gay and how hard it is specially in Muslim countries (his family back him still do not know he is gay). I felt a bit sorry for him, he is a very nice guy.

We finished around 10:00 and my plan was to go to bed ASAP. However, I wanted to check email and I wanted to quickly check some dating website (I registered a long time ago, but have not been using it properly for quite some time). Ended up writing to about 20 girls, and that took like 2 hours....ah, I hope some of them will reply... I think I should change my profile picture, usually I am photogenic but the one I have posted as a main picture doesn't look so good.

well, it is already 12:10 now, that means I will be sleeping only 6 hours today as I have to wake up at 6:00...ah, it seems very hard to get regular hours, the way I am living my life these days. But hell, at least, I don't feel bad about any of the stuff I did today, I think it was worth 3 less hours of sleep :-)..... time to crrrrrrraaaaaaash!:-)

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