My Progress so far.....

Submitted by blip on
Printer-friendly version

I've posted on here a bunch, but I've never done a blog entry. I just wanted to share with you some of my positive experiences. I think I almost got this thing licked.

A little background: Last year (around June) I suffered from some of the worst ED I have ever experienced in my life. Since then, I have tried to quit pornography for good in attempt to cure it. I've relapsed more times than I can remember, but as things progressed it seems like they were getting better.

I am currently almost 90 days into my latest reboot. I feel better than ever.

A few words of hope, inspiration, and advice for anyone going through this:

1. In the past when I have attempted to reboot. I would always cut too many corners. I would take any sign of progress as an excuse to return to bad habits. For instance, this is the first reboot I have attempted where I have abstained completely from masturbation. Doing this makes a big difference. In the past, I would take a wet dream as a sign that things were functioning normally, and I can go back to sex and masturbation. WRONG. The way I feel now vs before, there is no comparison. I have only had two orgasms since this reboot began. One the cause of a wet dream, and the other from a sexual encounter (there was no condom so I don't know if I would have been able to have had actual sex). I am aware that at some point I will have to get back to masturbating, but for now I want to wait at least 100 days, hell maybe even longer to get back into it.

2. I don't crave porn. I sometimes have flashbacks, but I have no desire to masturbate to or watch porn anymore. In fact, because of the nature of my work, every now and then, I sometimes have to look at sexy, sometimes erotic, sometimes downright pornographic images. These have a totally different effect on me than they used to. I no longer get the crazy buzzing in my head. No longer crave to search out a million similar images, and most importantly, no longer do I get trapped in the compulsive loop of looking porn and masturbating to it for countless hours at a time.

3. A lot of my compulsive behaviors have totally disappeared. Aside from porn, my other big addiction was comic books. I no longer have the desire to buy comics, and only have a slight desire to ever read them. It's really weird being around my comic book buddies and realizing what a waste of time all that was. I'm on the verge of maybe selling my collection some time soon. Of course, it's possible I've just traded one addiction for another, as I am currently obsessed with blogging, but at least that is a healthier pastime, and one that costs no money.

4. I'm starting to get lots of erections, riding the train in the morning. A week after the above mentioned sexual encounter, I felt like I had the ability to have healthy and normal sex. I can't wait to find a willing partner to test this assumption.

5. Emotionally, at the moment I don't feel stable because of other troubles in my life, and the surge of confidence that may have come early on in the reboot seems to be gone. The only positive difference I feel now from before is that when I feel down, I never feel the urge to look at porn to feel better. I occasionally feel the urge to masturbate to feel better, but it's never a strong enough urge that I give in.

6. The chaser effect seems to be a thing of the past. I had a wet dream and was able to easily control the urge to start masturbating again. I Oed with a girl, and I don't feel the need to look at porn.

7. When I think about sex and fantasize it's about real sexual encounters and real women. And when I go out in public I take much greater notice of women's beauty. And the arousal I get is not the same as the engulfing porn-buzz that was really not the urge for sex, but the urge to get behind a computer screen with my pants around my ankles.

That's all I can think of for now. Hopefully this will help someone out. While I've made progress in the past year, I can't say I really knew what a reboot felt like until this most recent attempt. The acid test however will be my ability to perform sexually when the time comes. I'll keep you guys informed when it happens.


Great job

Hope the other stressors let up soon too, but just the fact that you're still on track despite them is a really good sign.

Looking forward to your "back in the saddle" report. Wink

Thanks for taking the time to share your experience.

Thanks for posting your

Thanks for posting your progress, it's really helpful. It sounds like totally abstaining from orgasms (or mostly obtaining) has really worked for you. It makes me question my own ability to get where I need to go while still having orgasms from sex and less-frequent masturbation, but cutting out all of the porn.

It's been almost a year since

It's been almost a year since that last post. I don't know where to begin. I feel much worse off than I did a year ago. Since the time of that last post many things have happened. First of which, relapse. I can't remember when my first relapse was, or how many I've had, but I have masturbated to a lot of porn in the last year. Definitely not as much as I did before my ED problems began and I gave rebooting a shot, but still a good amount. I would still venture to say that porn is no longer a habit for me like it was before, but every now and then I slip, usually after I try to start masturbating again. If I relapse it's usually only for a day or two, the longest a week, and then I try to temporarily go back to no PMO.

Here's the more depressing part: the sexual encounters I had after this post. The first one came later in the Fall of 2012, I went home with a girl, we were both intoxicated, I tried soft entry, but to no avail. She tried oral on me, and that didn't work either. Obviously she never called back.

The next encounter was with a woman I had previously dated. I tried soft entry again and came immediately, before I was even fully erect (Now, the first time I ever had successful sex since I quit PMO came the morning after I Oed with a girl the night before from oral sex. I was not fully erect when that happened, but it was enough to unleash the floodgates of relatively healthy erections for at least 2 weeks. I had the same mentality going into this encounter, but it didn't work out the same way). This encounter unfortunately resulted in an unwanted pregnancy that had to be terminated, and a lot of personal turmoil as a result. Since then I vowed: no more sex without a condom. Unfortunately, this makes sex impossible for me because I can't maintain a erection with one anymore.

I had a few more encounters with the same girl before we broke it off, and they were physically very strange. I would go in soft entry and climax very quickly. But I was also able to sustain an erection after ejaculating for a longer period of time than I usually ever could. On one occasion, I entered, prematurely ejaculated, and then kept going for about 10 minutes or so, when I ejaculated again. Because of this, at one point I tried to start a weekly masturbation regiment, in which I would use lube to maturate (I have only recently been using my hand, as I'd been masturbating exclusively in the unhealthy prone position for years before this) and try to make it last for 15 minutes. I found that without porn, it was a chore to get erect. And this regiment, ultimately led to relapse.

My third and final attempt was earlier this month. This time the woman took it slow, and 2 dates passed before we tried to have sex. On the third date, I thought I was ready. We had spent the day in the park, hugging, kissing, caressing. I was getting a lot of erections, but I'm not sure if any were truly at 100%. When I finally got back to her place I was erect long enough to put on a condom, but once I started, I lost it. She tried to oral, and it didn't work. A few days later after she canceled a date on me, I binged on porn. The very next day she called and asked me out again. I was dead from the waist down, and afraid of having another disastrous performance. I felt like I needed some time to unwire my brain from that experience, so I canceled on her. Needless to say, getting her out on another date has been impossible, and she has since stopped answering my calls.

This seems to be the most troubling pattern. I once read on one of these sites an analogy that masturbating to porn is like taking money out of the bank, and you need a period of no PMO to get it back. Because of this, if I masturbate to porn, and feel dead below the waist, I'll want to wait a while before trying to have sex again, and I find myself turning down dates, not going out to socialize with women, and missing lots of opportunities to be with someone. It's affected my confidence in the worst way, because I used to be so much better with women, and now I find myself shy in front of them.

The other thing that bugs me is that part of me still sometimes thinks this is all in my head. I have doubts about the veracity of all this, as there is no legit scientific evidence to back any of it, and if my problem is mental/anxiety, then the intense worry I put in about proper masturbation habits may be contributing to it. If my problem is physical then all of this is moot too.

I also feel less in touch with my body that ever before. I don't even know how to masturbate successfully anymore. I used to be able to get erect on command, and now I need to schedule in masturbation and experiment constantly with the method I am using. I don't even know what turns me on anymore.

My problems began in 2011 (though I experienced some ED before that, but never as severe) and even though I have made a lot of strides in quitting porn and changing up my masturbation habits, I seem to have only gotten worse. I'm at the end of my rope and don't know what to do.

Sorry for your troubles

How old are you again? We've noticed a very disturbing pattern: Young Porn Users Need Longer To Recover Their Mojo

Do you think it's possible that you just never quite completed your reboot? I know it can seem to take forever, and be very disheartening. It's also best to have a steady sweetheart around, who knows what's up: Boyfriend Quitting Porn? 5 Tips

Maybe it's all in your head, but the list of experts who are commenting publicly on the porn-ED connection is growing.

Porn-Induced ED in the Media

Maybe next time you find someone you like you could explain that you're rebooting and you need to take it slowly. Women often like being supportive, as long as they know ithe problem is not that you find them unattractive. Remember, a lot of them are faking orgasms too, Wink  so the fact that your sexuality isn't "machine-like" will make sense to them. It might let them open up and be honest with you too.

We've learned a lot about this problem in young guys since you were here - although we still know of no miracle cures:

Adolescent Brain Meets Highspeed Internet Porn - YouTube

And see the links to various "long reboots" way down on this page: RebootTaking TOO.LONG

Finally, a lot of guys who were here have moved to, and you can get good advice there.

That can slow you down

Given that you've made noticeable progress in the past, I think it's likely you can see more progress in the future. People say they see improvements for a year or two. Consistency and regular affectionate contact both seem to help a lot. Some guys find that after a while, occasional orgasm helps kickstart things. But keep it very occasional at first so you can gauge whether it's helping or hurting (and don't just go by the next day's feelings because there's a natural "chaser" effect after ejaculation, which can throw you into escalation that's not helpful).

Did you read through some of the long-rebooter accounts at that link? You're certainly not alone in your struggle, and others are getting sorted out, slowly but surely. Let's hope you can too.

The way I masturbate now....

I'm posting about the way in which I masturbate because it's unusual and scary to me, and because I've never really had this problem until I began rebooting. I want to know if this is a normal occurrence or if this is a sign that I'm getting worse.

This basically is the norm for me since I quit masturbating in the prone position, and began the reboot process. First of all, I always use lube. I've heard that one's hand with lube is the most natural and healthy way to masturbate. When I begin to masturbate my penis is always usually flaccid, and no anticipation of what is to come really has an affect on making it hard. If I'm watching porn, it definitely speeds up the process of getting hard, but I never get fully erect unless I am using my hand. What happens is as follows: as I play with my soft penis, sometimes working the frenulum sometimes tightening my grip on my flaccid or semi hard penis, I eventually start to feel the semen rushing to the top of the penis, and if I keep at it with the same motion, it is very easy for me to ejaculate without having achieved an erection or even a full erection.

What follows is a start/stop process. If I feel like I am going to ejaculate, I will stop and let it flow back down, but when I resume stroking, I achieve a little bit more hardness. The semen rushes to the top, and it's still easy to ejaculate without being fully aroused, so I stop and let it flow back and the continue again until it gets a little harder. I repeat this process until I am fully erect, but the more I masturbate, the easier it is for me to lose it again. The semen might flow to the top of the penis like I am about to ejaculate, so I will stop and let it flow back down. In doing this sometimes the penis gets a little softer, or I lose the erection.

It makes me miss the days when I had delayed ejaculation and was able to go for long periods of time with a women. I was comfortable with my body and I knew exactly how to make myself ejaculate on command. Now I am also uncertain if I am ever hard enough, or hard enough to put on a condom. These days when I masturbate, or get into sexual situation, it always feels that as hard as the shaft may be the head is always soft, and I don't remember if this is a normal part of having healthy erection, because it feels like it's been years since I've had one.

I wish there was a website that explicitly taught healthy masturbation, that included the ability to train yourself for long-lasting erections and how to avoid premature ejaculation (which is one of my biggest fears). As it stands now, I'm not even sure if I am putting my hand in the right place, making the right kind of movements or doing things at the proper speed.

I don't think I should get back into it just yet, as I am in the midst of another reboot attempt, but I'd like to learn how to masturbate the right way. My penis has been broken for so long that I can no longer recall what a healthy penis feels like.

Sounds like it could be

too soon. I'm not sure it's a question of "doing it right." It may be a question of waiting. Did you read this? RebootTaking TOO.LONG Lots of ideas, including shower massage. But don't try to force erections or orgasms. Just try to enjoy the touch, and wait for your brain to connect up arousal and the touch you're providing.

This I think may be my last

This I think may be my last blog entry ever, I am happy to say!

I have been with a woman lately and we have been having successful sex. my problem, as it turns out, was not related to porn but to anxiety. As soon as a doctor pointed this out to me, I was able to re-wire to a regular girl over a slow process of about a month. The girl was very supportive. As things stand now, I can still enjoy porn and have a healthy sex life. I think in the past I had some compulsive issues with porn, but that was a symptom of my greater anxiety and not the cause of my ED.

Nevertheless, I am grateful for Gary and Marnia and this site and all they do for people out there. Glad to be back on track, and wish all the best to anyone else out there struggling with erectile dysfunction.