I've posted on here a bunch, but I've never done a blog entry. I just wanted to share with you some of my positive experiences. I think I almost got this thing licked.
A little background: Last year (around June) I suffered from some of the worst ED I have ever experienced in my life. Since then, I have tried to quit pornography for good in attempt to cure it. I've relapsed more times than I can remember, but as things progressed it seems like they were getting better.
I am currently almost 90 days into my latest reboot. I feel better than ever.
A few words of hope, inspiration, and advice for anyone going through this:
1. In the past when I have attempted to reboot. I would always cut too many corners. I would take any sign of progress as an excuse to return to bad habits. For instance, this is the first reboot I have attempted where I have abstained completely from masturbation. Doing this makes a big difference. In the past, I would take a wet dream as a sign that things were functioning normally, and I can go back to sex and masturbation. WRONG. The way I feel now vs before, there is no comparison. I have only had two orgasms since this reboot began. One the cause of a wet dream, and the other from a sexual encounter (there was no condom so I don't know if I would have been able to have had actual sex). I am aware that at some point I will have to get back to masturbating, but for now I want to wait at least 100 days, hell maybe even longer to get back into it.
2. I don't crave porn. I sometimes have flashbacks, but I have no desire to masturbate to or watch porn anymore. In fact, because of the nature of my work, every now and then, I sometimes have to look at sexy, sometimes erotic, sometimes downright pornographic images. These have a totally different effect on me than they used to. I no longer get the crazy buzzing in my head. No longer crave to search out a million similar images, and most importantly, no longer do I get trapped in the compulsive loop of looking porn and masturbating to it for countless hours at a time.
3. A lot of my compulsive behaviors have totally disappeared. Aside from porn, my other big addiction was comic books. I no longer have the desire to buy comics, and only have a slight desire to ever read them. It's really weird being around my comic book buddies and realizing what a waste of time all that was. I'm on the verge of maybe selling my collection some time soon. Of course, it's possible I've just traded one addiction for another, as I am currently obsessed with blogging, but at least that is a healthier pastime, and one that costs no money.
4. I'm starting to get lots of erections, riding the train in the morning. A week after the above mentioned sexual encounter, I felt like I had the ability to have healthy and normal sex. I can't wait to find a willing partner to test this assumption.
5. Emotionally, at the moment I don't feel stable because of other troubles in my life, and the surge of confidence that may have come early on in the reboot seems to be gone. The only positive difference I feel now from before is that when I feel down, I never feel the urge to look at porn to feel better. I occasionally feel the urge to masturbate to feel better, but it's never a strong enough urge that I give in.
6. The chaser effect seems to be a thing of the past. I had a wet dream and was able to easily control the urge to start masturbating again. I Oed with a girl, and I don't feel the need to look at porn.
7. When I think about sex and fantasize it's about real sexual encounters and real women. And when I go out in public I take much greater notice of women's beauty. And the arousal I get is not the same as the engulfing porn-buzz that was really not the urge for sex, but the urge to get behind a computer screen with my pants around my ankles.
That's all I can think of for now. Hopefully this will help someone out. While I've made progress in the past year, I can't say I really knew what a reboot felt like until this most recent attempt. The acid test however will be my ability to perform sexually when the time comes. I'll keep you guys informed when it happens.