I wonder what is wrong with me...
It has been a long time since I realized orgasms/masturbation/porn were part of my problems, about a year, really. Since then I have been able to live on my own again, but have struggled with many things.
I have had three relapses to porn during the past 3/4 of a year. Each time I feel miserable afterwards for several days. I have had sexual intercourse with a woman for the first time in my life during this period as well. Having orgasm with her made me miserable too. I feel I fall into the category of Post Orgasm Illness Syndrome (POIS) to some degree.
I do not think orgasm is the cause of all my problems, however, because I can go months without it and still feel very out of it: fatigue, brain fog, inability to concentrate, irritable, and tired.
I think there is certainly a hormonal imbalance after doing things that excite me. I could feel like crap for weeks on end, but then if I eat a pint of ice cream I feel great for a day or two, but then I fall back to my baseline of symptoms.
I went to a free herb clinic in town and talked to someone there for three hours. I told him all about my previous orgasm addiction and I think he was blown away because he did not know what to do. I also told him about my adverse reactions to everything, how supplements, exercise, and orgasm make me feel good sometimes for a little while, and then throw me into a fire a day or two later.
Frustration. No one knows what to do. I never know what I can even eat day-to-day because I often have rotating sensitivities to foods. Take away sex, exercise, and food and really, social situations become really, really difficult.
A lot of people have had success with abstinence, including me. Unfortunately it has not healed me, but only helped me manage symptoms. Same with avoiding certain foods.
A lot of people do not get it. I look completely normal. Even when I am miserable inside and sick, I look perfectly fine. When I get sinus infections I look and sound very normal, so when I tell people I am feeling ill they do not really see it and that makes things difficult too.
One positive, at least, is that I have been able to reduce anxiety from my baseline by cutting out stimulants like coffee, chocolate, ice cream. But as I said, to feel normal like I used to feel before a few years ago, taking these things sometimes helps for a day or two. Otherwise I do not feel healthy. This is clearly unsustainable, however, and taking stimulants only works on occasion (And I went over a year and a half not taking any of these stimulants as well as other foods (paleo diet) and it did not help) I eat according to the FODMAPS diet now, and it helps but again, I am just treading water.
There are no ladies in my life right now, but if there were I do not think it would help. Perhaps a long-term karezza situation would be beneficial. I have said that in the past, but it is hard to get to that when socializing often just makes me more irritated and ill. Paradoxically, I have started an internship in a community that is very rooted in thanksgiving and nature. They are starting to understand my problems a little more, and I appreciate the aspect of community. I feel that I need community, even though being around people is very difficult sometimes. Again, it is quite the paradox, but in the long run will be beneficial.
I think my next step will be going to an actual naturopathic doctor. The state I now live in has a lot of them so hopefully I can focus more on the hormones and beyond.