Floundering

Submitted by Bob The Builder on
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I wonder what is wrong with me...

It has been a long time since I realized orgasms/masturbation/porn were part of my problems, about a year, really. Since then I have been able to live on my own again, but have struggled with many things.

I have had three relapses to porn during the past 3/4 of a year. Each time I feel miserable afterwards for several days. I have had sexual intercourse with a woman for the first time in my life during this period as well. Having orgasm with her made me miserable too. I feel I fall into the category of Post Orgasm Illness Syndrome (POIS) to some degree.

I do not think orgasm is the cause of all my problems, however, because I can go months without it and still feel very out of it: fatigue, brain fog, inability to concentrate, irritable, and tired.

I think there is certainly a hormonal imbalance after doing things that excite me. I could feel like crap for weeks on end, but then if I eat a pint of ice cream I feel great for a day or two, but then I fall back to my baseline of symptoms.

I went to a free herb clinic in town and talked to someone there for three hours. I told him all about my previous orgasm addiction and I think he was blown away because he did not know what to do. I also told him about my adverse reactions to everything, how supplements, exercise, and orgasm make me feel good sometimes for a little while, and then throw me into a fire a day or two later.

Frustration. No one knows what to do. I never know what I can even eat day-to-day because I often have rotating sensitivities to foods. Take away sex, exercise, and food and really, social situations become really, really difficult.

A lot of people have had success with abstinence, including me. Unfortunately it has not healed me, but only helped me manage symptoms. Same with avoiding certain foods.

A lot of people do not get it. I look completely normal. Even when I am miserable inside and sick, I look perfectly fine. When I get sinus infections I look and sound very normal, so when I tell people I am feeling ill they do not really see it and that makes things difficult too.

One positive, at least, is that I have been able to reduce anxiety from my baseline by cutting out stimulants like coffee, chocolate, ice cream. But as I said, to feel normal like I used to feel before a few years ago, taking these things sometimes helps for a day or two. Otherwise I do not feel healthy. This is clearly unsustainable, however, and taking stimulants only works on occasion (And I went over a year and a half not taking any of these stimulants as well as other foods (paleo diet) and it did not help) I eat according to the FODMAPS diet now, and it helps but again, I am just treading water.

There are no ladies in my life right now, but if there were I do not think it would help. Perhaps a long-term karezza situation would be beneficial. I have said that in the past, but it is hard to get to that when socializing often just makes me more irritated and ill. Paradoxically, I have started an internship in a community that is very rooted in thanksgiving and nature. They are starting to understand my problems a little more, and I appreciate the aspect of community. I feel that I need community, even though being around people is very difficult sometimes. Again, it is quite the paradox, but in the long run will be beneficial.

I think my next step will be going to an actual naturopathic doctor. The state I now live in has a lot of them so hopefully I can focus more on the hormones and beyond.

Comments

Have you tried

regular exercise or daily meditation? Both have been shown to help regulate mood. Karezza would be a similar approach: pleasure without extremes.

Check out some of the techniques here: ♦Solo Tools

Intermittent abstinence is not a good idea.

Hey Marnia. I do exercise a

Hey Marnia. I do exercise a lot. I am outside with kids a few days a week running through the forest, giving a bazillion shoulder and back rides, and playing lots of games the whole day. It is quite the workout. I also bike to work my other days when I am not with kids. I do core stuff as well. It sometimes helps.

What do you mean when you say "Intermittent abstinence is not a good thing"? Just that going back to porn occasionally is not a good thing? If so, I definitely agree and my goal is to never use porn again.

Also, I just went to visit a community I used to work at for a Halloween party this weekend. I danced a ton, slept little, and somehow my lymph nodes are less swollen leaving than when I came. I also had traditional sex and orgasm with someone close to me (though I seldom get to see since she lives so far away), but so far the effects of orgasm are way less than when I would succumb to porn, which I did a week and a half ago. I am interested in seeing if that changes over the next couple of days. It probably helps that we cuddled together for the entire night beforehand. I did notice, however that orgasming made me not want to leave her when I left at the end of the weekend--increased clinginess I suppose. But like I said, I overall feel pretty good for having had an orgasm and little sleep. Hope it continues.

I think you're

answering your own questions. Give the porn a rest for 6 months. If you want to masturbate, use sensation alone, without porn fantasy.

Also, masturbation isn't the same in its effects as affectionate sex with a partner. A lot of guys report different symptoms after masturbation (especially with porn, because it's so stimulating) than they do after sex. For more: Rethinking the Wonders of Adult Masturbation

It sounds like a healthy relationship would do wonders for your health. Kiss 3

Yeah, I have already gone 6

Yeah, I have already gone 6 months (181 days to be exact) without any porn or masturbation and it did not help as much as I had been hoping for. I aim to break that record, at least in terms of using porn. Sensation-induced masturbation, perhaps, but I really want to ditch the porn. The hard part is much of my "porn" bingeing throughout my life has been more like facebook material. The posed stuff never interested me very much, but real pictures and real sex really sucks me in. I deleted my facebook several years ago, primarily for this very reason.

Also, diet modification is helping with mood. In fact, I would go so far as to say that my digestive woes over the past few years have been heavily involved in my porn bingeing. I was wondering if porn made my digestion worse (which it may have), but I think I have a more systemic issue, with biological/environmental tie-ins.

It is incredibly interesting to me that my sister (three years older than me) has had very similar digestive woes. We never could find any specific answers or solutions, either, aside of imbalanced gut bacteria concentrations (which is a big find, but very broad with little long-term solutions). Even more verifying, to me, is that the not well-known diet that I have been experimenting with for the past couple of months (low-FODMAPS [acronym for various fermentable/troublesome carbs in A LOT of foods), is what her doctor independently suggested to her. It still is crazy to me that we came to the same conclusion using very, very different routes. But that's gotta account for something, right? FODMAPS helps me control my emotions a ton more than before, as well as boosting energy. Before, I would eat something (who knows what) and then for a couple of days feel panicky and emotional. The delay always snagged me. Also, cutting out one FODMAPS (lactose) did not seem to help much, because I was still doing other FODMAPS. It has taken reduction of all for me to finally see a little progress.

I am certainly open to a long-term partner, but these kinds of things can't be forced, so I am not trying to obsess over finding someone. I am actively looking, however.

try this

NormalBreathing.com

See if it makes sense to you. Try out the system. It is probably what is out of whack with you (and with millions of others.) And pretty easy to fix. Doesn't cost anything if you follow what's on the website.

Those periods

of life when there is deep emotional knots becoming very evident, disciplines like some forms of yoga or meditation can really help to connect with those knots.

It is not strange the feeling that you report, as disconnection has been growing more and more between mind and body all around the globe... wich leads to psychological and physiological extremes.

But yeah, any extreme or knot can be rebalanced, with some patience and just bit of will power. It always will be tough the process, but yeah is like a tax to pay, in those times patience is your best friend ☺ ....