Just failed. AGAIN. 17/7/2012 @ 3 am. Meh.
I recently found out about chains.cc and have decided to use it to help me with nofap. I like it because it helps me map out my 'progress' - if I can even call it that.
I've been trying to get on the no-fap train again since the beginning of July and as you can see it hasn't been going so well, although at least there are signs of improvement. I added 'Binge' the time I failed before this one, which basically means 3 or more faps in a day. Weak. Even though I've failed once today I'll try not to 'binge' and make it worse.
Every single time I fail it seems to be because of the same thing. I'll start with 'just looking' at pretty faces of actresses like Natalie Portman, Jessica Alba, etc. and it just progresses from there. EVERY TIME I end up failing when I decide to 'just look' at hot actresses in bikinis, and usually I end up on a porn site via suggested link or those livejasmin chat pop-ups. I've realised that I have to stop the process right there; that I shouldn't even be looking at hot stars in the first place. I'm going to redefine 'No-Fap' for myself as 'No-Look.' I will not use the internet to even look at any attractive females whatsoever because it ALWAYS results in failure. If I can cut myself off here I will have a much greater chance at doing this.
Well, I hope this happens to be my last fap but you know, I'm not feeling all that optimistic about it. I need some goddamn conviction and willpower that I seem to be severely lacking. I wish I could break this habit as easily as I broke my nail biting habit about five years ago. I bit my nails for most of my life and one day I wondered why I did it and I pretty much stopped right there and then. Sometimes I had a little nibble but the progress I made was quite incredible. It almost felt like I broke it overnight. Naturally no-fap is much harder because of the pleasure factor. The other problem with no-fap is it makes me crave and smoke cigarettes, what's the deal with that?
Thanks for reading. Best.