I need more will power

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Submitted by borshajen on
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Relapsed today also, was rock hard this morning and schipps my ceiling went white. Has anyone here any tips on building more will power? I feel so weak at the moment.

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awareness, awareness, awareness

You may have enough will power already but some of it may be used to sabotage your progress. Psychologists say we use some of our energy to pursue our goals and some to fuel all kinds of unconscious resistances within ourselves. The net difference between the two decides whether we progress or not. Watch yourself! Learn about what's holding you back, or more precisely how YOU're holding you back.

it is a question of substituting a new behavior for the old one

You can't get rid of a habit.

Instead, you determine to find a new behavior for the old one.

What can take you away from masturbation to porn, what is an alternate behavior that you can slot in there to replace the behavior you are avoiding?

You can move yourself from that environment, and do something else. You can find some outlet that replaces porn and masturbation on a deep feelings level. You can become more intimate with women for instance, or you can do some art or some project that removes you mentally and physically and satisfies you.

That's what it is, it isn't will power.

will power is overrated

Create a system to actively fix the problem every day and execute it ruthlessly. It's about process. Plan your daily activities in detail and then stick to the plan. It's about creating new habits- the old habits are what got you to where you are right now. Which also means don't try to change everything overnight- make a plan that scales you into larger changes over the course of a few weeks. Make your plan measurable and repeatable.

I don't know how old you are, but I wasted most of my 20's with this bullshit. It can happen and you should be afraid of that possibility. You don't want to look back over so many wasted good years.

Remember- action leads to motivation/inspiration, not the other way around. Motivation will never show up if you're just waiting around for it.

K9!

All the suggestions above are awesome. But you have to plan on that moment when the porn craving becomes greater than your will power.

Instal K9 on your computer, customize it so the sites/categories you need to be away from blocked, make sure it's working, then have a friend change the password so you can't change the settings.

Do this because your willpower will fail at some point.

You can do this!

One weird paradox I have

One weird paradox I have experienced: abstinence with willpower is not quite the same as really not wanting to participate in the compulsion anymore. It's not a foolproof way to get from A to B but meditation (with the goal of increasing awareness) could be helpful here.