I blame social anxiety for this relapse...

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Submitted by bruistopher on
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I blame social anxiety for my first relapse doing this reboot. Okay, for many who don't know me. I suffer from social anxiety. I relapsed this morning. 1:25AM to be exact. I was already looking at highly stimuli pictures on the Internet to begin with. I was so frustrated that I haven't seek out any potential mates.   So I reverted to porn to relieve all that stress and sexual build up.

I couldn't help the fact because I wanted to see if my brain was numb to the 2D images after 78 days. Well I still generated an erection, and also experienced the wetness in the boxers too. Any who, it eventually led me to a porn video. Watched it. Ejaculated. Felt good. Mad that I have to restart, upset that I might feel the cravings after, also upset that my brain levels would be off. Being socially awkward or anti social, not picking up on flirty cues from girls.

It bothered me until I woke up this morning. Granted I haven't had sex with anyone. So I don't if I have ED or not. But I did notice before I did my first reboot that I would totally be turned off by girls unless they were sexually stimulating or was in a certain position.

Today however I feel great. I thought I would have all the symptoms prior to achieving orgasm but it seems like I rebounded. I'm not going to count out the possibility that I will experience the cravings after a couple of days. But I actually feel really good right now. I was practically sexually frustrated because I have yet to try this new sexual experience with anyone. 

During my reboot I was also trying to see if porn had anything to do with my already-social anxiety and it certainly didn't impact it because after about 2 months I still felt social anxiety.

I've had the strongest and when I mean strongest. I mean strongest desire to cuddle and flirt and be around woman but my anxiety is killing me.

-filling inferior to people higher than me.
-feeling like I'm not as attractive as the guy ahead of me.
-I question whether a girl deserves me. And I answer the question on their behave. So it prevents me to:
-fear rejection
-I judge other people but don't like to be judged or criticized. 

I guess I'm feeding my own porn addiction because I'm not out there socializing with woman, seeking comfort, cuddling or flirting.

If only I could solve this anxiety.

But other than that I feel good. I'm looking to do this two week reboot again. That's what my goal for my recent first reboot was.

I wish I could solve this anxiety and then seek comfort from a female. That's the only way for me to get a full recovery.

Comments

I totally feel the same way ,

I totally feel the same way , every point u said there i can feel them ,im in my 80 day of rebooting , and i still can get over my anxiety and fear of girls (or even new ppl in general) , this is sucks , but still a little bit of improvement i can see , i wont give up!

First, glad to hear

the fallout wasn't a problem. Sounds like your brain is more balanced.

What about joining a friendly group where people make a point of encouraging each other? Toastmasters can do wonders, as many people there are overcoming social anxiety...believe it or not. Toastmasters The beauty of it is that you can attend as many meetings as you like without joining or saying much at all. Just watching others will make it easier for you to overcome your own shyness.

Of course a woman deserves you! And she'll be very lucky. That goes for you to roflmao_ja.