I blame social anxiety for my first relapse doing this reboot. Okay, for many who don't know me. I suffer from social anxiety. I relapsed this morning. 1:25AM to be exact. I was already looking at highly stimuli pictures on the Internet to begin with. I was so frustrated that I haven't seek out any potential mates. So I reverted to porn to relieve all that stress and sexual build up.
I couldn't help the fact because I wanted to see if my brain was numb to the 2D images after 78 days. Well I still generated an erection, and also experienced the wetness in the boxers too. Any who, it eventually led me to a porn video. Watched it. Ejaculated. Felt good. Mad that I have to restart, upset that I might feel the cravings after, also upset that my brain levels would be off. Being socially awkward or anti social, not picking up on flirty cues from girls.
It bothered me until I woke up this morning. Granted I haven't had sex with anyone. So I don't if I have ED or not. But I did notice before I did my first reboot that I would totally be turned off by girls unless they were sexually stimulating or was in a certain position.
Today however I feel great. I thought I would have all the symptoms prior to achieving orgasm but it seems like I rebounded. I'm not going to count out the possibility that I will experience the cravings after a couple of days. But I actually feel really good right now. I was practically sexually frustrated because I have yet to try this new sexual experience with anyone.
During my reboot I was also trying to see if porn had anything to do with my already-social anxiety and it certainly didn't impact it because after about 2 months I still felt social anxiety.
I've had the strongest and when I mean strongest. I mean strongest desire to cuddle and flirt and be around woman but my anxiety is killing me.
-filling inferior to people higher than me.
-feeling like I'm not as attractive as the guy ahead of me.
-I question whether a girl deserves me. And I answer the question on their behave. So it prevents me to:
-I judge other people but don't like to be judged or criticized.
I guess I'm feeding my own porn addiction because I'm not out there socializing with woman, seeking comfort, cuddling or flirting.
If only I could solve this anxiety.
But other than that I feel good. I'm looking to do this two week reboot again. That's what my goal for my recent first reboot was.
I wish I could solve this anxiety and then seek comfort from a female. That's the only way for me to get a full recovery.