What do you think about the "50 Shades of Grey" phenomenon?

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Ok, so perhaps this question is a bit more orientated to the girls around here but I would like to know what are your thoughts on this popular and sex charged trilogy. I haven't read it but the girl for whom I have feelings for read it last summer and she is completely fascinated by the Grey character. Before she was fascinated by Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice (she is a bookworm and for me this is a complete turn on) but I have the feeling that since she read that book she has been wishing for a Grey in her life (it's been three years since her last relationship). What I know is that there is a lot of sex in the book and she told me that Grey is a strong masculine character who begins a relationship with a young virgin girl making her sign a contract...

Inmediately after telling me this I was completely repelled by that character (ok, and extremely jealous of it...). I would never make any girl sign any contract as freedom is one of the things I value the most. I would never try to change a woman so as she just could fill in my needs, that's hideous. I fear that the trilogy is one more dopamine ridden phenomenon made to make lots of money but it is sold under the ironical monicker "love happens".

If you have read my previous posts I'm afraid that the girl I love has met someone new but I still don't know for sure (the uncertainty is killing me). I'm also afraid that this new turn of events has been influenced by her reading the trilogy and wanting to experience what's in there... Yesterday she posted a picture on Facebook with the saying "I want to be your happiest hello and your hardest goodbye" taken from a 50 Shades of Grey fan page. Concretely, it was in a section called "help your guy transform into your Mr. Grey with these tips" (good Lord! I think that true love is so far away from transforming your guy into a fantasy...). So I'm afraid that she is in love with a fiction which she may be trying to fit into a guy she may or may not be dating...

So, do you know something about this phenomenon? What do you think about it? And, more importantly, I'm no Grey and I will never, ever be. If I want something is for her to be the wonderful, caring, kind and intelligent self that I know she is, I want her to be completely free to enjoy her life as much as she can... She hasn't got to know my real self much due to the mask of fear I was wearing most of the time so... Do you think I can have any hope fighting against a dopamine charged fiction? Karezza is almost unknown here in Spain and certainly she doesn't know anything about it... it's like fighting against a whole social construct single-handed...




I think these kinds of books appeal to women who want more, but just don't know what that "more" is~~they think a different kind of man, a different kind of sex, a different kind of love is what is lacking in their lives and the fantasy is the only way they feel they can get close to what they need. Please know that *no* man can ever measure up to this fantasy because he does not exist! The book is fiction so you are competing with a woman's mind and thoughts, not another man.

Becoming immersed in karezza has made me have *zero* interest in reading about (or watching) others having conventional sex. Titillating books have no appeal whatsoever to me...I suppose it's because I am no longer lacking what it really is that we want when we think we want lots of sex...we are really seeking the balance that comes to us when being truly touched deeply by a conscious, loving partner~~that balance gives us the ability to be beautifully feminine and secure in who we are as women. And yes, in the process, we surrender to the beauty of the lovemaking, but an alpha male doesn't make the surrender happen! *We* make it happen by letting go of our thoughts and fantasies and inhibitions while being safely guided by a loving, conscious man.

Any man can give that to a woman, but she has to be ready to accept it as it is very powerful and life-changing. For some, they might rather stay in fantasy because the alternative is too much to take in at this time in their lives. Don't feel you are less than "Mr. Grey" and don't feel she is a bad person for being at this stage in her life. She can be opened to conscious lovemaking, but *she* has to want to go there.


Thanks a lot! Really I have never felt that she is a bad person, I feel really strong emotions for her, and yes, probably it has something to do with what has been lacking in her life during a long time. I can understand that it's been three years since her last relationship and that is a very long time (in my case it's much, much more time but I understand that my case may be a bit special). She is very romantic and has those fantasies like Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice or Grey... Both are fictional and created by women so they could fill them with all the fantasies they wanted! Anyway, I really like the way I am, not being the typical alpha male at all, in fact stereotypes bore me, they're not interesting. So it all comes down to what stage is she in her life... I'm working into acceptance right now, it's hard because I have almost never had relationships and the loneliness is getting harder as the years go by (with the hidden feeling that perhaps there is something wrong with me) but we must accept life as it comes. And if she has fallen in love with someone else that doesn't mean that we have to end our friendship, I care about her and I don't want to lose the friendship that we have had up to now.

You sound

You sound like you are in a very good place as far as understanding her and accepting yourself for who you are and I'm sure good things will come to you as you continue to practice this type of acceptance~~being at peace with yourself can be a powerful magnet for others as they will be drawn to what you have because they want it for themselves.

Good luck to you!

Thanks again!

And thanks for the good wishes. I'm going through some hard times now but also through a kind of change so as the real me can finally emerge. It's not easy, I tell you, sometimes I just want to break into tears. So, kind words mean a lot to me these days and I really appreciate them :)

No different from porn

And it can be just as deadening over the long-term.

If any of us understood how supernormal stimuli can numb our brains to real pleasure, we would avoid it like the plague.

If she's open to thinking about this concept, send her this article:

Vibrators and Other Pleasures: When 'Moderation' Fails

You could help her a lot with regular contact, but occasional contact won't do much. See The Lazy Way to Stay in Love

Are Twilight And Grey Cut From The Same Cloth?

I was curious about the question when I saw your post. There seems to be a lot of talk about the 50 Shades of Grey books. We were in Costco just before our university started for the fall; they had this big display of the books. My girlfriend said she talked to a few girls over the summer who were reading it and they all liked it. They all said the book was pretty hot. I told her maybe she needed to read it. She said her reading list was too long with school starting, maybe next summer.

When we were still in high school the first Twilight movies were coming out. Most of the girls in high school were obsessed with the movies and the books. There was a whole Edward versus Jason thing; girls actually wore “Team Edward” or “Team Jason” shirts. The books were written by some nice Mormon lady who I am sure would not approve of the Grey books, but Twilight seem to have a weird vampire sexual thing going. As you can imagine I like sex as well as the next guy but it didn’t seem like the movies really appealed to guys. Kristen Stewart was hot, but she played a real whiney character. Some of the vampire chicks were pretty hot too so it made the movies almost bearable.

I think it was about the second Twilight movie that I took my girlfriend to where I felt my testicles shrinking. She loved the movie; I on the other hand loved her and “wanted some” so I didn’t complain too much. When we were making out after the movie I wondered if it was me or was she imagining I was actually Jason. She was definitely a “Team Jason” girl. Fortunately she quickly out grew the Twilight stuff after high school.

After I read the post about the Grey books I asked her about Twilight and Grey. What did she think; was Twilight soft core teenage girl porn? She said they definitely had a romantic, sexual side to them—about like a cheap romance novel. The thing about vampires being over sexed in some movies may have played a part to that. She didn’t see any danger in the books and they mostly appealed to teenagers and figured people would lose interest in them. After discussing it for awhile she said not to worry she wasn’t interested in Twilight anymore and then said, “But if Taylor Lautner walks in here and takes his shirt off, I am so screwing his brains out!” What a thing to say to your boyfriend. Fortunately she was kidding—I think.

So Marnia and the other ladies of course, what do you think does Twilight extend to the same problem as the Grey books or am I just jealous of Taylor Lautner?

I think you're onto something

In junior high I found a book called Passion Flower Hotel, about a group of girls at a girls' school in England who started a brothel for the local boys school. I was fascinated. There was nothing X rated in it, but the implications were pretty hot.

But, it didn't keep me from loving real men and real sex. That's the danger (for some) with today's supernormal stimuli. Line's different for everyone, I reckon.


I saw the woman who wrote "50 Shades" being interviewed by Katie Couric and she said she got into writing because of how much she loved the "Twilight" books. Just fyi~


Yes, it started as a fanfiction that she wrote with Edward as the Christian character and Bella as the heroine. Then she changed some names and details and voila!
I write fanfiction and I have very ambitious plans for it but I don't see myself changing the characters from the original source that much and therefore I'll never make money off of it. But I will be doing something I love.

Bodice Ripper romances

30 something years ago, I was at my parent's, visitng with my 6 month old child.  As all babies do, he mananged to fling just one bootie off, and I crawled around poking under furniture looking for it.  I reached under the proper Early American Settee and pulled out a book, and another, and another.  There were hundreds of thick paperback books under the sofa.  Every single one of them a romance novel set in the 1600's through the 1800's.   I was totally suprised, since my mom was enough of a prude that we were not even allowed to watch Dean Martin or Laugh In on TV. 

That night, she sent me home with two grocery sacks of them (hardly making a dent in her collection), saying "Now that you're married and have a baby, you're going to need these."    She really emphasized the 'needing' partk. I was 19.   I read one, then two, and then a third one.  They were all the same, as far as I could tell. I never read another.  Basically, the main character, a young, virgin woman, is sold/traded by her family or drunken father. She struggles against the man who now owns her,  and is ultimately raped/abused by him a number of times.  She gets away, but realizes that  she both hates him, and desires him.  By some twist of fate, they meet again, and she ends up bravely saving his life, for which he repays her by falling in love with her and marrying her, making her a proper lady.  Porn but  without any 'dirty' words as we know them. 

Here's how one reviewer summed up the entire Fifity Shades series:   "Young idiot girl meets youngish idiot abuser and has to overcome her fear of the kinky nasties and her petty rage jealousies in order to cure him of his perviness with her magical panty hamster." 



My take, is that these books are a sign of the times. Not that the general population is now into cheesy S&M smut but that the strangle hold our culture, (and others as well), have had on sex and sexual issue is loosening up. Sex needs to find its rightful place in our consciousness and a new level of receptivity is taking place. These books would never have gone anywhere a few years ago. If you look at the reviews on Amazon most of them are either a 5 or a 1. I have never seen this kind of spread before with a book. Obviously this book is stirring people up inside.

I go to a stained glass studio one a week and enjoy a class there. This class is filled with mainly middle aged and older women. I over heard a couple of them taking, (well kind of taking/whispering) about this book "Fifty Shades of Grey". So rather loudly, (its a pretty playful group), I say "hey, whats this Fifty Shades of whatever book". Well the whole group of them burst into conversation with tee heeing, red faces and sheepish smirks. Like I'm the only one in the group who hasnt read the stuff or even heard about it. Now, if you met these women, you would say, not in a million years would these ladies read this stuff. Like picture Bob Dole's wife reading these books. I was completely stunned. What is up with this????

I think this is the same reason ABC news did an article on Karezza, got picked up by other news agencies and went around the world. Something is thawing on the sexual front.

Karezza on one hand and Fifty Shades of Grey on the other. Quite the spread. From no orgasms to as many as you can possibly abuse out of someone in a 24 hour period.

If I was going to offer a stock tip I'd consider companies that manufacture whips, chains, and leather restraints. I think the ladies at the stained glass studio all have their supplies. What do the brokers call these? Emerging
markets, I think.

I have two things that I am proud to say I have never done in my life. One, go to Disney Land, yuck!! Two, watch a Syvester Stallone movie, (yo, Adrian). Now I have a new thing to add to my list, FSG books

Twilight and Grey—Even Stranger Bedfellows

Rachel thanks for the info on the author of Grey, looks like neither book is that pristine. Weird that a nice religious Mormon lady was the starting point for a series of S and M books!

The thing with all of these books is simply in breaking taboos. Marnia’s Passion Flower Hotel was very mild, and then it ratchets up to sex with vampires and now S and M. Each time the envelope is pushed a little further. I am pretty much in favor of anyone reading what they want but there may be a downside to that for some. I don’t know if it is just me or what but I think vampire stuff is just creepy; I am more ok with the S and M stuff than the vampires.

Quizure should get credit for the best line in the thread when quoting the review of Grey. When I read that last night I texted my girlfriend to read the thread and she sent me back an LOL. She has class tonight until 7pm. When I saw her today she told me to meet her at her room after her class tonight, her roommate had a study group in the library tonight and she wanted to “cure me of my perviness with her magical panty hamster.” I think from now on her girl parts will be referred to as her “magical panty hamster”.


I agree, it's incredibly funny! I'm gonna share this one with my partner.

Have fun!! I think the cure for perviness should prove delightful...

The thing I find interesting

about the vampire angle is that it's about "draining life force." My theory, as you know, is that as a culture we are leaving ourselves feeling drained far too often...so it makes sense that we create "drain-proof fantasy characters."

Anyway, hope you're thoroughly cured of your perviness by now. Wink

‘Twilight Saga’ Fans Migrating to Erotic Romance Books

I was researching something for a paper this afternoon. The searches lead me to a Washington Post article. After I got the information for my paper I noticed a link below their banner about an author commenting on “Twilight” and “Fifty Shades of Grey”. I jumped on that link.

For those of us who saw “Twilight” as creepy teen porn, I think we are vindicated; at least by bestselling novelist Sylvia Day, author of the “Crossfire” series and the new president of The Romance Writers of America.

Quoted in an Associated Press article in the Washington Post, “Day says sales of her ‘Crossfire’ series and other erotic romance novels are on the rise. She partly attributes the increase to the prominence of E.L. James’ ‘Fifty Shades’ trilogy—but says she’s also inheriting maturing fans of the ‘Twilight Saga’ young adult romance novels.”

The article is pretty quick to read; basically teen readers that started with “Twilight” are getting older and want something more erotic like “Fifty Shades of Grey” and her books. Here is the link to the article, cut and paste into your browser.


I am a girl, and I didn't

I am a girl, and I didn't read the Mr. Grey or the 50 Shades thing.

And now I am getting curious.

Well, I was quite attracted with the book covers and all that, so I asked my best friend what this thing is about. She told me that is it like the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by Anne Rice, only that it is set in the Modern Times. So I already got the idea that it has a lot of BDSM thing. And the sex stuff is quite so detailed you can really see it.
I think the reason why it was such a phenomenon, especially to women, is because every girl still believes in a CINDERELLA story. The sex part is not really the important part, but the love story behind it. The sexual stuff are just add-ons to the liking of the book.

Bookworms, don't really see it on a superficial level, but on the whole story of the book. And I think that is what makes it a turn on. I don't know really, but women are wired differently.