bwh's blog

Off Track

Submitted by bwh on

After what I would consider a good few months, I am off track. We have been very inconsistent with daily bonding and just generally out of sync. Over the past few weeks, my contentment has shifted to angst and I have been much more on edge.

We had sex this weekend after about 4 weeks off. I was so tense that I barely “survived entry”. We both had orgasms, followed by a pretty big fight the next morning about sex then a generally crummy weekend.

Goals vs. Hopes

Submitted by bwh on

Part of the foundation for Karezza is removing all performance goals from sex. That has been the catalyst for all the change that has happened in my life over the past few months. From reading stories here, reading books, and several other sources, I was able to reframe my mindset and remove the goal of “having sex with my wife”. Once my mindset shifted, it was like a whole new world opened up. I reread the books and found an entirely new dimension. Over time, my relationship with my wife has reached a new level I was previously unaware of.

Another Big Step Forward

Submitted by bwh on

We have had several good weeks of almost daily bonding, and last night we had conventional sex. The last time we had sex, I tried to take the Karezza approach and keep it slow and un-aroused. It did not work out so well, and afterward my wife mentioned that she was uncomfortable because I was trying something different and she really did not know what I was doing. I decided that I will not try that again until we have explored those ideas together and she is more on the same page.

A Few Monday Morning Thoughts

Submitted by bwh on

Here are some random thoughts I have been working through the last week or so...

You just might get what you ask for. I told her that I am a changed man, that I no longer have the needy desire for sex. I told her that I am more content than ever and I am happy just to be bonding with her, that she can be free to touch and kiss me without me “grabbing” her for sex. Well, she took me up on it and has been committed to daily bonding but has not initiated any intimate touch in several weeks. I am working to stay slow and steady, but it is hard not to reach out and grab.

Two Months In

Submitted by bwh on

After a great week of daily bonding behaviors, things really slipped away from us. The stresses of life crept in and slowly pulled us back apart, into our typical routines. It is interesting because my wife, after a week of daily bonding, made a comment about how great she was feeling and how she wanted to keep going. A few days later, it felt like none of it had ever happened.

Funny you should ask...

Submitted by bwh on

As a brief background, I am approaching karezza on my own without having really discussed it with my wife. Sex is not really a topic we are free to discuss because of a lot of history. I made a very brief mention about a month ago and I have been working towards daily bonding, but in a subtle way.

We had conventional sex a few days ago. The next morning she looked at me and said: “we are supposed to be peppy and happy after last night, why are we both so drained?”

The First Time... I Mean First Try

Submitted by bwh on

Last night was my first real shot at karezza intercourse. We have not been consistent with daily bonding over the past three weeks and last night was the typical “it’s been a little too long so we should do something” routine. Her heart is sincere and I really don’t want to minimize our intimacy but it is more out of obligation than desire right now. It is really all about me. All that to say it was not an ideal setup for the first “experiment”.

A Great Conversation

Submitted by bwh on

Just a quick check in. We have finished our two weeks with sex off the table and I am a little anxious to see how the dynamic changes. To be honest, I wish sex was still off so that we can really grow into each other in our new found physical affection. I feel relaxed and at peace and I just want to stay in that place.

Two Weeks In

Submitted by bwh on

After the conversation with my wife, she agreed to take two weeks without sex and commit to a little bonding touch each day with no lists, and no regular conversations about it. I was encouraged that she was open to hearing. Things were left a little less “structured” than I would have liked, but no big deal. I just need to sit back, focus on being relaxed and content, and give her the space to move in. My mantra is: “I Am Relaxed and Content.”