Well, another woman I thought had potential I have cut off, probably permanently.
We met during the summer. She lives in another state and we spent a couple weeks together while she was on vacation.
Then, a week and a half ago, she contacted me out of the blue to hang out. We spent the night together, this is 6 months after our first meeting, and finally had sex for the first time. And when we were first about to go there, she said she was a little scared and I also told her about my stage fright thing, caused by my ex, and then we just did it. (by the way, thats two for two since my ex I've told I had performance anxiety and it wasn't even a thing to them, they just worked with me anyway(I'm pretty sure my stage fright won't go away until I have stability in a relationship)) But after that, that's when she first started getting a little weird. Then, we spent another fun day together a few days later and had sex again and a couple days later, she hit me with we are just friends and can't be anymore than that, I live in another state sorta thing and her exact words at one point, "There is nothing between you and me" . I just wanted to enjoy the time we have together, ride or die, and told her as much, and we should've still had another two weeks together.
Now, when we had sex, I did conventional sex, not karezza/no ejaculation sex. I have been working on some things in the No More Mr Nice Guy book and he says in later chapters women arent attracted to men who just try overtly to please them in the bedroom and the focus should be more on yourself. So, in this light, I have tried overly to please the woman I'm with in the past and this time just did conventional sex and went with it, it felt right for my current level of development. Before, I always prided myself on being really good in bed, but even then, I was focusing on my performance and tieing it to my self esteem and it feels good to just let it be what it is and realize that a woman will keep coming back because she really wants to be with me and not because I'm a god in bed.
So, what happened was I got pretty angry and had an argument that to some women might I appear whiny or needy. I am an Aries sun, scorpio moon, or sidereal pisces, libra moon. It may have had to do with the conventional sex, I'm not sure.
Point is, I have acted desperate and needy before, but this time, I think it was really my scorpio/libra moon kicking in. Because I feel things deeply, I also know when other people feel something, and I was just really pissed off because "I know you've felt something, so just fucking admit it already." Who contacts someone after 6 months and then acts like they are reluctant but wanting and then tells them it was nothing.
Well, at least this time, I didn't let her mess w me like the last one. I'm not going to let someone belittle me and slowly whittle away at me again like my ex did. I told her she was a player(my definition of player is having sex without developing feelings whatsoever, because this is what makes people feel "played") and blocked her number and deleted her from social media.
I guess thats it. Something happened last time she was here, basically blew me off the last two days she was here when she said she wanted to spend time with me and we had concrete plans, so we went through this thing where I told her this wasn't cool and she apologized, so I already feel I was giving her a second chance, and even though part of me wants to, I really don't think I can justify any reason to give her a 3rd chance, but I know her well enough I can almost guarantee I will be hearing from her again. So I really have nothing to tell her?
So, here's to women who only want us when we're gone...
I think one of my problems in life is that, because I'm very nice to people, they think they can take advantage of my good nature...
then after a while, I make them realize they can't.