An unconventional and surprising friend came into my life

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So, I had to break it off w a girl..

Initially she txted me alot then stopped txting altogether almost. So I confronted her about it and we had a falling out...

Then a few months later I just decided to txt her, see how she was doing. It was literally a one thing led to another night..

She came over and I told her she could stay in the guest room. After a little while she came to my room to snuggle. Then, after a while, we kissed and eventually sex. She was apologizing about the way she treated me before and also saying she hadn't been w anyone else...

But, she told me she was going to visit a guy friend in vegas. I thought, ok, she told me about it before so I won't worry. However no txts or calls from her during this time, then I see facebook posts that show she is basically getting drunk and partying with this guy. This is when I realized I was having a not so good gut feeling about this. I have had in the past girls I'm seeing hang with other ppl, but they do this sort of courtesy thing where they call or txt during that time, which basically lets me know theyre still thinking of me..

So, I knew I had to break it off w her and I did, but I felt really f*cked up about it. It wasn't this particular situation, so much as I've had so many failed relationships and sh*t happen.. I was really started to feel like nothing would ever work out, like I'm just this hopeless loser, I didn't know how to make it through this time.. I was really down and depressed.

Then this other girl I've known awhile took it upon herself to cheer me up and she hung out with me when I wasn't at work and two nights in a row cuddled me. She also really made me realize how much my friends loved me.

No one has ever done anything like this before and it worked, I made it through and don't think I'll ever feel like that again, simply from knowing that someone could do this for me.

One moment when we were cuddling, I just felt this wave come over me. My heart was beating very fast and I just had to kiss her. Women who treat me good and are sweet to me are very sexy to me. We made out a little and I could've moved things along and had sex w her, but I didn't...

Why?

Well, she's the type of girl people label as "crazy".. I've dated "crazy" highly emotional women before and actually this girl isn't that bad, so far nothing major that I couldn't handle but I think my past experience helped alot. I now know and am strong enough to deal with situations that frustrate the sh*t out of other people, and make them angry or act crazy themselves. Still, the behavior I've seen isn't bad at all compared to others in my past.. And she is very sweet and loving the rest of the time.

She had told me she wants to work on herself and learn to be ok with herself alone, and so I didn't move things further from a little making out.

Now I'm in a position where.. I'm trying to be there for her(shes there for me), thru her "crazy" moments and her battle with alcohol addiction.. We hang out, I make her laugh or calm down when she starts getting angry or irritated, and she is starting to trust me, which is rare for her, and it's because she knows I will handle it if she goes into a rage.. I either make her laugh and calm down, calmly tell her calm down and she does, or walk away until she does. There is a good amount of laughter and fun going on here. I don't think I could do this if I'd gotten involved with her sexually.

Sometimes I think we're really great for each other and other times wonder if I'm doing the right thing..

But after my previous experiences I've developed a theory. Highly emotional women tend to go after one guy, then another, then another. Besides the CPA theory, I believe this is also due the fact that, being highly emotional, they fall in love quickly and really feel things for a person and sometime after being sexual, realize deep down they don't really know or trust the person. So my theory is to actually build trust and a good bond first then, when mutual trust and that has developed, a relationship could be pursued. I'm not saying this will happen, just that we can be awesome friends and are happy together and if one day that mutual trust has developed, ok, I might go for it...

But, maybe I will have to cut this person from my life for disrespecting me one day or something.. I guess, until that happens, she's done nothing really wrong, so how can I punish a person who hasn't actually commited a crime?

I'm hopeful though.. She is the only highly emotional woman I've met who is actually looking at her behavior and giving a genuine effort to improve, including anger management classes, alcohol treatment, and counseling.

Comments

Tip

Highly emotional women are also extremely strongly affected by the post-O hangover. She may not be "crazy" at all, but just very vulnerable to the neurochemical mood swings that follow orgasm.

You have made many experiments that have shown you this is quite likely a factor in your roller coaster love life. You will need to become a true leader to steer your partner safely in the sexual area.

You can see what soothes you both. It's not orgasm, but bonding behaviors. Read this..again, if necessary. Women: Does Orgasm Give You A Hangover? | Reuniting It's possible the women you keep finding are mirrors of yourself, not "crazy." They just need to manage their sexual energy more carefully with your help.

In short, throw out everything you learned about "great sex," and focus on what you can see is working. Dash 1

well, I'm at a loss..

well, I'm at a loss..

This girl completed 90 days of rehab and I'm proud of her and impressed. Now she is in a sober living community...

However, a month ago, she contacted me and said she would hit me up soon and hasn't. I waited, thinking she was just focusing on herself like she said. I haven't seen her in person for 3 months. And I just saw from my news feed on a social networking site stuff that pretty much says she is interested in a new person she just met....

I don't know if this will even go anywhere...

And On the one hand, I did play this as a "friends first" game...
And on the other hand, we have made out and she used to cuddle me when we were together so she should know I like her at least somewhat and right now I feel as if my feelings are being toyed with....

Also my initial gut feelings on this were that it would take time if it was going to happen bc I'm working backwards from everyone else's paradigm by building a good foundation of trust and friendship first.

But, ya, its probably time to cut her out of my life. I guess its my job in life to meet highly emotional women and teach them a lesson...

At least I set proper boundaries this time so it doesn't hurt as much as it could...

If she were interested in you

she would have been in touch. I doubt she is "playing you." It sounds more like she is trying to let you down gently.

It can be very important for addicts in recovery to avoid past situations that are associated with using, so it's probably best she moves on.

Are you sure your job is to connect with an unhealthy partner? What about looking for someone who is more balanced?

I've been reading some of the

I've been reading some of the nice guy stuff. I send a txt on social media saying I had a couple items of hers and wld give them to her mom (since she wasnt talking to me) and I got a message back saying "wait why I wanna see you just have been very busy"

Maybe she is just busy, idk. And maybe what I saw on social media with the other guy was nothing more or less than flirting.

But anyway, reading a no more mr nice guy inspired article online got me thinking...
If I wasn't following a nice guy behavior, what would I do...?

And the first thing I thought of was simply tell her:

"I don't think this friendship will work out"
Her probable answer: "why?"
"because I think you are sexy and have a big heart. I want to kiss you and touch your boobs"

or something like that...

at the same time tho, is it right to push things right after she is becoming sober for the first time and probably has struggles?

I don't know but maybe its better to risk being a "jerk."

A lot of guys really love that book

I haven't read it, but I know the author recommends not using porn. Smile

I think it's a good idea to let her know your feelings have shifted and "just friends" won't work for you. But just be fine with her departure if she still thinks of you as "just a friend." At least you should get the resolution you need to move on.

well, I did it, I stirred the

well, I did it, I stirred the pot...

It spurred a conversation that started with her telling me to f**k off and ended with her apologizing and telling me I'm a "great guy" and "do alot of things right" but that she promised herself and family not to date for a year

And I told her don't expect another chance right away if she changes her mind, nor expect my feelings to change to make her happy and yeah we'll be friends. I guess I can have at least one female friend I like.

But thats it, no more, the position of female friend that I like is taken...

Anyway it was cathartic. I think I'll keep trying more no nice guy stuff

Actually I know what I said

Actually I know what I said before, but I'm second thinking atm. Is staying her friend, giving things space while she works on herself a covert contract or the right thing to do?

And it may be my lack of belief in myself talking, but I'm just feeling right now, that in the end, I have been treated by her like I'm not even a future option(when she's ready) and so maybe I shld tell her this.

I would like to see her at least one last time, so if and when shes ready for that, we will, however, I also would wanna say goodbye as there are women who wld want to be with me. And yes I would tell her this.

At the same time, my support has been very important in getting her this far. I know this to be true even though we havent been in each others lives, having someone who genuinely cares and won't put up with, well, at least not too much bullshit. It matters and maybe cutting off that support wouldn't be very nice and maybe all that I'm doing will really matter to her one day and she'll decide thats what she wants in a man, but...

Is that a covert contract, or am I just doing something good?

I guess the reason I struggle with this is that I'm fence sitting on whether I want us to be good friends or more, simply because I no longer allow myself to feel too much for someone who doesn't give it back..

I guess refusing to see her

I guess refusing to see her is a moot point at the moment since she is not actively talking to me or inviting me to hang out.

And IDK if I'm being manipulative but its probably less manipulative to tell her my feelings than just expect to be a good friend and get what I want out of it

Lost my cool

Well anyway I've been at this impasse for a while. Only talking on social media, never seeing each other..

So I see on my news feed today that she is in a new relationship...

At first I told her I was happy for her but started thinking about it. Excuses for not seeing me, lying about a promise between her and family to not date for a year... I was feeling like I'm just dealing with alot of bulls**t.

So I sent a msg to confront her, saying that, yes I've been meeting new ppl lately who think I'm one of the coolest ppl they ever met(which is sort of a trip for me, and also kinda nice) and there are girls out there who would want to be w me, so I'm not mad about the sense of loss, but I don't like being lied to and I am happy for you and everything...

I got a msg back saying that I'm all "twisted" in my head, and have "demons in my head" I need to deal with and negative energy and she doesn't need that in her life, only I can make myself happy and she doesn't need to explain herself to me. Oh and I "won't get my way" with that kind of attitude. At least now I know "why" she hasn't been opting to talk or visit with me. I guess its true to a point, but I did walk her into rehab the first time a few days before our fight and the next time she went and stayed, and I seriously doubt she would have gone if not for me being in her life at the time...

Doesn't matter.

So I pointed out that she said she didn't need to explain herself to me and thats exactly the point , we're not even friends and I blocked her.

Right or wrong, I've made a decision. F**k

I think I was just what the

I think I was just what the book calls a bad ender. Above when I told her I had a couple of her things and wld give them to her mom(cuz obviously she wasn't electing to see me), I should have stuck to my guns on that.

Because the truth is, she was putting me in the back up guy zone(like when she said she would hit me up the next week and didn't), and the only time I ever got out of that before was by telling the girl I wouldn't be just friends.

If someone puts you in the friend zone, put them in the no-friend zone