Well, looks like I'm back in the lab again for now. Been a long year for me, and much has happened. There are a lot of new rebooters here too! It's nice to know that the world is catching on a few posters at a time.
So what the hell happened? Well after 3 months + of no porn and an awesome new girlfriend, I thought everything was going to be all rainbows. It just made sense to me that way. But there was life after porn I guess. I always thought that having a girlfriend meant no reason to watch porn, and honestly, I thought the guys that were still watching porn while having a girlfriend were crazy. The Coolige effect is REAL! Honestly, I got to a point of sexual health and confidence that every time I saw a woman, I had to stop myself from moving forward to her. My girlfriend is BEAUTIFUL at that, so it's like there is no logical reason to lust after another right? The illogical brain thinks not! Eventually, it was either leave my girlfriend and chase after other women, or watch porn. The other option would be to be rational and say that logically, I can't have sex with every hot girl I see... I failed at that, and here I am again.
I fall off every week now with porn, and it's grueling honestly. Every monday I feel like dying. I don't take suicidal thoughts seriously though luckily, but that what relapse will do sometimes. I'm mainly here because I need to be held accountable for this shit. Everyone who reads this knows that I slipped now. I can't hide it anymore.
It's not all bad though. I had a phenomenal year in terms of improvement. Amazing sex life, new social circle, dead poisonous friendships, and miraculously I got smarter. Literally, I ended up dropping two classes because of the difficulty only to come back after the reboot and pass both. Either I got smarter, or I just got the confidence to try harder and study more. Seriously I never thought I'd study for 5 hours and more, but that's what happens when one learns self control. Nevertheless, I've been humbled by life in general. Reality is right in front of my face now, or it was a few weeks ago when I hadn't relapsed so much.
I'm not happy right now at all, and I really hope someone here will understand because this is tough. Doesn't help that I literally just broke up with that same girlfriend an hour ago. It's ok though, I'm young. I hope to be back stronger in the next coming semester.
I'm grateful for any support that can be provided at this time. I really need it now.