New Year, New Reboot

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Submitted by CaptainFalcon on
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Well, looks like I'm back in the lab again for now. Been a long year for me, and much has happened. There are a lot of new rebooters here too! It's nice to know that the world is catching on a few posters at a time.

So what the hell happened? Well after 3 months + of no porn and an awesome new girlfriend, I thought everything was going to be all rainbows. It just made sense to me that way. But there was life after porn I guess. I always thought that having a girlfriend meant no reason to watch porn, and honestly, I thought the guys that were still watching porn while having a girlfriend were crazy. The Coolige effect is REAL! Honestly, I got to a point of sexual health and confidence that every time I saw a woman, I had to stop myself from moving forward to her. My girlfriend is BEAUTIFUL at that, so it's like there is no logical reason to lust after another right? The illogical brain thinks not! Eventually, it was either leave my girlfriend and chase after other women, or watch porn. The other option would be to be rational and say that logically, I can't have sex with every hot girl I see... I failed at that, and here I am again.

I fall off every week now with porn, and it's grueling honestly. Every monday I feel like dying. I don't take suicidal thoughts seriously though luckily, but that what relapse will do sometimes. I'm mainly here because I need to be held accountable for this shit. Everyone who reads this knows that I slipped now. I can't hide it anymore.

It's not all bad though. I had a phenomenal year in terms of improvement. Amazing sex life, new social circle, dead poisonous friendships, and miraculously I got smarter. Literally, I ended up dropping two classes because of the difficulty only to come back after the reboot and pass both. Either I got smarter, or I just got the confidence to try harder and study more. Seriously I never thought I'd study for 5 hours and more, but that's what happens when one learns self control. Nevertheless, I've been humbled by life in general. Reality is right in front of my face now, or it was a few weeks ago when I hadn't relapsed so much.

I'm not happy right now at all, and I really hope someone here will understand because this is tough. Doesn't help that I literally just broke up with that same girlfriend an hour ago. It's ok though, I'm young. I hope to be back stronger in the next coming semester.

I'm grateful for any support that can be provided at this time. I really need it now.

Comments

you have nice perspective

definitely on the right track. Very sorry about your breakup. But you have this raw personal power as long as you stay away from porn and minimize masturbation. That power communicates itself invisibly and women will be all over you.

The key is to find replacement behaviors for those times that you will use porn. Do something else instead. Socializing a lot, getting out, exercise, whatever. But it's key to not relapsing.

You read "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow," right?

Eventually, you may have to make up your mind to try a new approach to sex. But you're too young to worry about that yet. Just hold that thought, though, so you don't give up on women or love.

And keep a sense of humor. I can't tell you how many times I had to hit that same wall before I moved to Plan B.

In any case, I'm glad you got a good solid look at the potential gains from balance.

Tried the RED X recently? Wink

Yeah right now

I'm done with women and love. I'm in no condition right now. That can change in time, but right now it's just trying to get to sleep. Damn I remember the good times and it hurts so bad, and it's still day one. I haven't read CPA yet, but I did try karezza once(Very hard!). She was against it because she likes when I have orgasms although she isn't too fond of them herself. I'm honestly not ready to keep orgams out of my life yet. Not with a partner anyway. I don't even know what to think right now honestly.

You're right

It's too soon. I'm sorry you're hurting. However, if you two get back together, try karezza. Sounds like she's a natural, and that with a bit of education you would both be on the same page easily.  Remember...orgasms will occur now and then anyway. They just aren't The Goal.

Sorry you're hurting.

*big hug*

Good News

Well I got back together with my girlfriend and things are going very nicely. I told her that I had relapsed with porn, and her response was very reassuring. She said that I'm human, and that she'd rather that than with another real woman. It makes me feel really good that she is so non-judgmental, and I think that the shame of not telling her was what was holding me back. I'm so much more confident now, and happy. Thanks everyone here for everything in the past an din the future. I'll update here until I start up school again.

Hopefully

We can get back together. She would need to change some things, but I think we're perfect for each other beyond those simple yet profound things. We have done no sex for two weeks before and she is so adept at self control(She refuses to eat after six), but that's the very reason why we broke up. Such a strong unchanging mind.

This may sound weird,

but practices that increase inner wholeness ease the sense of lack that drives both OCD and reckless behavior (a bit of a paradox, until you understand that both are a search for dopamine hits). So meditation, karezza and such things help us all get "in the flow," easing both ends of the spectrum.

Don't hesitate to play around with gentle approaches.