It's not easy

Submitted by celebriticat on
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It's not easy to find a man who gets it.

Really.

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It's like this

I am one of those women J William talked about who is determined not to settle for less. However, explaining that to a man who thinks he is interested in me...well, let's just say I haven't discovered one who truly finds the idea appealing.

I take that back. I haven't found a man near my age who does.

A young man (22) whose only sexual experience was a quickie when he was 17, found me on cuddlecomfort.com. He was basically traumatized by the occurrence because it went the way it would for most 17 year-olds with no real information or idea about how sexual relations can be, and the girl blocked his number. So, basically, he gave his virginity to her and she promptly abandoned him.

I explained to him about karezza, and how it can help make love sustainable, and he was actually receptive.

Patience is frustrating

I've just been on this site a month and I'm just getting back out to looking for a partner and I haven't even gotten to discussing karezza with anyone yet. Just keep looking and send me that 22 year old!

Convincing men to do this

Perhaps you are being too up front about your intentions for karezza. The men of the world have a very big hang-up when it comes to sex. Performance anxiety is rampant. If the relationship has barely started and you are already talking about wanting to do sex a particular way then you might be giving the impression that you will be very hard to please in bed. I could see that sending many men scurrying away.

The better approach might be wait until the subject comes up and then just state that you like your love making to be slow and gentle, and you are not at all concerned about getting orgasms. You want it to be max relax. That would have the opposite effect of reducing any performance anxiety.

People are often more open

after they have had a chance to reflect on the reasons for the alternative. That's why we wrote our book. There's a natural process of resistance to taking a different approach to sex. Think back to when you were first exposed to these ideas. Didn't they sound...odd to you...as if there must be a better way? You probably needed time to think about them, resist them, consider the evidence, etc.

Perhaps you need to allow your partners that time, too. A gradual, "What do you think abou this material?" approach does that. It's best if you give them something to read rather than explain it yourself. That way the "resistance phase" gets projected onto the author of whatever you choose, rather than onto you. Wink

Can two walk together, if

Can two walk together, if they're not moving in the same direction?

I guess what I want to avoid is getting to a place of emotional intimacy with someone, only to discover that they are too addicted to "sex as usual" to consider an alternative. Splat!

I've been thinking about this

I've been thinking about this, though, and it might be more effective to ask questions, like, "Have you noticed how couples usually fall out of like with each other within a relatively short period of time in relationship?" "Have you thought about why that might be the case?" and so on.

Kind of a Socratic discovery rather than informing...

It could work.

The videos

I know it might take some coaxing but the icebreaker for us was Marnias videos, they opened the door for us. It was a starting point which is what we needed.

Well, yeah

I did have lunch yesterday with someone I met, and it was awkward. We did the "getting to know you chat" and obviously didn't discuss sex. I don't think either of us will follow up. But I agree that putting out there with someone out of the blue can seem overwhelming and demanding. Just getting to the stage of discussing "when do we do it" can then lead to "how to do it."