To begin with, I do want to say that while I'm not making fun of this process or the seriousness of our purpose, or addictions, we all have to commit to appreciating the humor of these blogs; they're all about boners and dudes talking about the health of their boners. Where else in the world are you going to find an account of a guy getting his first spontaneous erection in years after seeing a beautiful woman on the street, and then have three guys CONGRATULATE him for his progress? I'm sorry. That's just funny. And beautiful at the same time.
Anyway, so on with the weiner report: I've been having morning wood with some frequency all week, some days firmer than others, but none that were off the charts. After a night out on the town, and meeting some beautiful women, I had a really tough time not indulging in a fantasy about a particular woman I met. I'm not going to lie. I let myself linger on the idea of her a little too long, but was able to get past it and on with my day. I remember reading an account where somebody mentioned the importance of going out and being around women in the real world, and that, real life women, much more than porn, leads me toward fantasy and wanting to masturbate. It always has. I mean, seriously, why do they have to be so soft, and smell so good, and act so generous, and touch you on your forearm, and laugh at your jokes, and have all those beautiful curves?
I should count myself as really lucky so far, because the urge to go back to porn has not hit me like it has hit some of you. Although, to be totally honest, I had a really hard time giving up the collection I had built up. I had a nostalgic reaction as I deleted all those scenes off of the flash drive I kept them on. As I looked back on all the videos and porn stars that I had masturbated to for all those years, all my favorite scenes and favorite girls, as creepy as this is going to sound, it felt like I was a kid giving away all the toys I'd finally outgrown. And in I sense, I think that metaphor really stands up when talking about this process. I think I had been using porn and masturbation as a crutch for far too long, as a way of avoiding a lot of the things that I was afraid of, and finally realized that it's time to sack up and look all those fears dead in the face. It's time to grow up and become a man. I would not have been able to get through the last seven days if it weren't for all the rebooting accounts I've read so far. It's really from those stories that I have gained the hope that one day I'll be healed. The only thing that truly worries me at this point, is meeting a woman I'm just not going to be able to resist, and that I won't be able to be completely honest with her about this problem. I have a lot of shame about it that I need to get over. It feels pretty lame to admit to yourself that you have a porn addiction. It doesn't have quite the same cache as smack or cocaine, now does it?
All right fellas. Let's not get too heavy here. Let's keep it all in perspective. Let's all remember that boners are funny. And one day in the near future, we will all have healthy ones: as long as we do the hard work of staying strong and letting ourselves heal. See you guys soon.