18 Years Old - ED - Giving up PMO for 60 Days - Entry 1

Submitted by chelseachelsea on
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Hi all,

Completely new to the site, but after reading various posts here and on YBOP, I've discovered that my ED symptoms are in fact porn induced. Here is some background info:

-I'm 18 years old.

-Started watching porn frequently 14 years old, masturbated maybe 3-4 times a week with it on.

- Started a relationship (still going) 3 years ago, when I 15. Still masturbated.

- Lost my virginity at 16, but couldn't get erect at all. I put it down to nerves but after several other failed attempts, with the girl I love, I started to wonder whether something was wrong.

- Since then, I have had successful sex (to the point of orgasm) maybe 10 times to date. However, only a couple were so good that I didn't have to constantly check whether I was still erect during mid-sex, I don't know what made it work on these occasions but something did, reassuring me that it was indeed possible to have very pleasurable sex. 80% of the time, I find sex unpleasurable, hard work and I need to masturbate to orgasm after she has come.

- Over the last year, having continued to masturbate to porn on a regular basis,I have noticed a lot of changes sexually:

1. It is near impossible to get an erection around my girlfriend, even in sexual situations. We often force oral sex to achieve erection and eventually orgasm, but this must be accompanied by "dirty talk" that mimics the fantasies I enjoy from porn. Although she is fine with this, I don't feel this is natural, and it has become increasingly hard to orgasm, complete concentration must be used to get anywhere.

2. I no longer think about sex during the day, and my random erections have ceased to exist. I don't find other girls attractive, where before I would have some growth in my pants just being in the presence of these girls.

3. Porn choice has completely changed, I no longer find hardcore or even lesbian videos stimulating, its become more drastic and extreme, like gangbangs and things of a more unrealistic nature. Not only this, but I also find myself spending almost 30 minutes surfing through different videos to get off to, whereas before a glimpse at boobs was more than enough. The strange thing is that I don't actually crave porn, its more of a routine, like before bed etc. I'm currently on Day 4 of my reboot, and have had no cravings at all. However, in the last 3 months, I have been on porn and masturated more than ever because I had ankle surgery, meaning I have been stuck in my room for the last few months armed with a laptop and high-speed internet, it was definately more out of boredom.

4. My penis feels less "awake", it feels cold when flaccid and it gives me the impression my flaccid size has shrunken somewhat. I never measured, but I'm sure there's been a decrease in size, and I feel small and weak down there.

The reason I've started the reboot was because I got a wake up call last week, when I cheated on my girlfriend with another girl. As bad as this may sound, I can truthfully say it was to test whether if it was because I found my girlfriend less attractive in any way, explaining why I could no longer get erect over her. However, after some oral sex with this new girl, I still couldn't get erect, which not only made me feel guilty for cheating in the first place, but also weak and little as I still couldn't get erect and this girl wasn't impressed at all, which was very humiliating. Therefore I can safely say its nobody else's fault but mine, I have a problem and would be grateful if anyone eading this with similar experiences can confirm this is porn-induced ED.

After reading some success stories, I am so excited to rejuvinate my sex life with my girlfriend, who I love massively and would go to any stretch to rectify this problem. I am currently on Day 4, and I feel like I've already hit the 'Flatline', sex never crosses my mind and my penis feels like its in the Arctic, and talking to my girlfriend over the phone is now tedious, for some reason I find myself repelling from girls and have a lack of interest in them, a stark difference to my former self.

My goal is 60 days, purely because I go on holiday with her then, and I want to enjoy myself with her romatically and sexually, without it ending in frustration through ED. I will be giving you all regular updates when its nessasary, please message me with your thoughts and feel free to read the rest of my journal posts on this adventure. God be with me!

Many thanks,

Chelseachelsea

Comments

welcome

sounds like you know what to do. Keep blogging and keep away from porn and masturbation. Does your girlfriend know about the porn and rebooting situation?

Emerson

Yes, she does, she's very supportive of it actually because throughout the last year, sex has often ended in frustration through lack of erection etc, and we'd both like to put and end to this. I just hope it doesn't take too long, fingers crossed 60 days will be enough to enjoy good sex, and I've promised myself to avoid porn for the rest of my life.

although she'd rather me see a doctor for professional help, but having seen all these websites, articles and blogs, I know that this is definately a PMO matter. Are you on a reboot yourself?

Marnia

Thanks Marnia. I've seen many journals where porn addiction has lasted over 10 years, and take a long time to reboot, hopefully my 4 years of PMO won't take too long to recover from.

Yes, I've pretty much read all there is on YBOP, not only because I was worried sick about my ED, but also because I find it fascinating about how the body becomes addicted to porn and all the chemical changes involved.

I have looked through that forum also, it looks very popular, I might register on that too using identical journal entries as here.

I've seen you comment a lot on people's journals, are you a moderator?

I am your hostess

and also Gary's wife. Gary is the host of YBOP - but it grew out of what the men on my forum here taught each other - in combination with the science Gary dug up.

How's it going?

completely agreed

RC Fergie,

I completely agree with you, its a horrible thought that you can't get erect for a girl during sex, especially given that it will be your first time.

Unfortunately, that was the reality for me, as I couldn't get erect during my first time and countless times after that, having not realised the cause of my impotence was porn addiction and overly masturbating to it. Luckily for you, you still have the chance to rectify that problem before you lose your virginity, so keep going, you've almost hit the 2 week mark, and I've almost hit the 1 week mark, so let's do this together.