Day 1 - Humble Pie

Submitted by chillout on
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So here I am back at Day 1. I managed to get to 26 days no PMO, but then something got hold of me and wouldn't let go. I think it was too much focus on counting the days, too much focus and worry about when I was going to see a change in libido. I also think that I needed that failure to have a point of comparison between me off the porn and back on it. I'm ready to eat humble pie and realise that I don't know everything just because I read a lot of posts.

I had a good solid three day binge. Basically ignored the phone and all responsibility and just went for it. I learned a few things:

- once you have churned through a few thousand images, they all look the same. Once you've come they suddenly don't look hot anymore.

- it takes a massive amount of energy out of you - there is no comparison between my energy levels after 25 days and after a day of PMO. Its not just normal energy, its that go-getter energy that has you expanding your life.

- I now get what various posters means when they talk about "brain fog". I have been thinking to myself "wow, is this how its been for all of these years". I just feel out of it, lacking motivation, couldn't care less.

Its strange, because through all of the weird moods I went through with abstaining on my first attempt, I would rather have those than this strange numbness that I feel now. I was also starting to take some healthy steps to deal with stress and anxiety and I want to continue with that.

This time I'll introduce myself properly. I am a 34 year old male in a stressful profession. I use PMO as a coping mechanism for work and relationship related stress, and have done for a long time. I don't suffer full on ED, but I have had some problems with PE and also have noticed that I don't stay fully hard for very long when having intercourse, dropping to half-mast early on. Finally, I need to resort to some hardcore fantasies when I'm having sex, without which I often can't come.

Its ridiculous, because my fiance is smoking hot, with curves that turn heads everywhere. I should be all over her, like she wants me to be, but I'm not. I know she's attractive, but it doesn't stir me.

My goal for this reboot is to get that energy back, to recover my mojo so that I can be the man she deserves.

Comments

welcome

realize this. That there will come a time when it seems very, very enticing to just take a peek. It will happen again. It will be very powerful. The key is not just to resist, but to substitute a new behavior for the old one.

Spend a lot of time if possible in bonding with your fiance if that is possible. Lots of hugging, snuggling, non-orgasmic intercourse, the more the better. That satiates and satisfies so long as you aren't masturbating or watching porn. Nothing performance oriented, no orgasms. You can get through this much more easily than single guys can, if you really put the time in with skin to skin contact, holding hands and all the rest with your fiance.

You hit the nail on the head

You hit the nail on the head Emerson. Something that I didn't think about - my fiance has gone to see family, left about 1 week before my relapse. I was fine before she left, it must have been those cuddles and hugs.

She's back in a couple of weeks so I'll have to keep as busy as possible in the meantime, possible throw in some white-knuckling along the way.

Thanks for the great tip!

I sure did and it makes total

I sure did and it makes total sense.

Thanks for the advice Marnia, I spent years tried and failing to give up cigarettes, but it wan't until I learned all of the tricks that the addiction centre of the brain uses on you that I was successful. One of those tricks is complacency, when it all seems so easy that's when you have to be on your guard the most.

I guess I need to take the same mindset into this and keep learning from my failures.