Got my first Nintendo DSI.
Learned how to fap.
Started to MO to porn pictures(daily).
Got an Ipod for awhile (PMO'd)
I started to stop coming outside like I use to and I became less social with the neighborhood kids. Still remaining very social at school though (peak)
Bought my first Ipod pmo'd daily (straight,gay,lesbian)
Still wasn't coming outside but felt normal still could date girls and had an amazing year.
2013(Year of Hell)
Early in the year escalated and started to freak out because I couldn't get turned on to previous porn.
Thought I turned gay and my whole view of relationships,life and happiness all changed.
Became way less social especially with males. If males were around I turned the other way.
Tried to stop PMO but was too heavily wired to quit for more than 11 days(let alone 90).
Got serious before September and quit.
Before long had no urges and it wasn't even hard but I wasn't noticing any affects.
Started to become unhappy.
SERIOUS WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS
(Mood Swings,Depression,Emotional Numbness,Bipolar like symptoms and HOCD)
Same symptoms(until relapse)
relapsing made me lose all of these symptoms and I was happy and I felt "straight" again.
Continued to relapse.
Stopped pmo'ing but continued to lurk on porn sites and look at pics.
Relapsed,still looked at pics,still lurking on porn sites.
Started to get a hold of things, pics here and there. (no relapses)
CLEAN(felt okay not back to normal though)
CLEAN (felt okay just okay)
CLEAN(still not feeling amazing)
Starting to have mood swings again still not back to normal) (feeling emotionless still)
The whole point of this was to make sense out of this whole experience because it feels like this thing is working for everyone but me.I know patience is key but damn I at least want to stop feeling like an emotionless zombie who's always wondering about his orientation all the time. Also it made me realize I need to reset my counter because of that slip up I had in march ( I blogged about it here) I didnt reset it because I didn't want to deal with the shame of resetting it. So instead of almost 200 days it will be close to five months. Which is probaly why I'm not experiencing the effects yet.I feel better about it now so I know I have a more rational goal.Guys say it took them a while to get their emotions back any but hints on when de-escalation is going to happen?