My birthday is coming up soon and I was reviewing how my life has changed in the past year. I've let go of so many compulsions - coffee, weed, alcohol. Oh yeah! And orgasm. I take it so for granted now that I forget. Really, though, I think my sexual conversion is central to the changes I've been through. My spiritual practice has deepened and become much more satisfying. I no longer feel like I am seeking, more like I am unfolding, watching curiously.
I spent a long, chatty afternoon with some friends a couple weeks ago and realized that my casual interest in brain chemistry has ripened into expertise. I know a lot! This site first introduced me to the term "brain plasticity." After reading about the astounding adaptations people's brains can make, I wondered if I've put my career in my pair-bonding spot. I've been working with that hypothesis for months and it sure seems true. For years, I have spoken of the day when I married it. My career is what I think about all the time, what makes me feel happy and secure and satisfied, gives my life purpose and meaning and focus. It is endlessly fascinating and I look forward to my work over the coming decades. Sounds a lot like a life partner, huh?
I am an alternative healthcare practitioner, already working in two modalities. Right now I am in massage school, learning to give and receive therapeutic touch. At school, they speak of me as someone who exudes calm and is remarkably present with the client. I can't imagine that would have been the case back when my whole being was so muddied by my constant craving of orgasm. The terrain has stopped shifting, the aftershocks have subsided. Now I can date and feel I am on solid ground. Friendship and real connection may lead to a sexually intimate relationship. Or not. No pressure. Either way, I have my career.