Three week mark of no PMO. Almost at a month.
This week, by far, has been the hardest of the reboot period. As you can tell from my previous entry, the weekend was an explosion of emotions and a shattering of confidence. The 13-year old girl mentality stuck around for most of it. Insomnia struck Saturday night. After going to sleep around Midnight, I jolted awake at 3AM with a burning desire for sex, no kidding! Any thought of a girl drove me insane. Took a lot of late-night pushups to keep me from MOing. I remained awake up until about 8 in the morning, when I dragged my ass out of bed and went to work.
Made it a goal for myself to read more books throughout this process, and I've decided to make good on it. Tore through "The Sun Also Rises" during the weekend, and working on a collection of Salinger short stores at the moment. Keeping with the working out, despite hurting my right shoulder at the gym a couple of days back ("taking it easy" with the weights). Snow melted, started running again.
Interesting symptoms popped up on Monday. While reading about South America in the Economist, a powerful urge to MO swept over my as I thought about some of the beautiful women they have down there. I've never felt anything like it! Almost as if some sort of animal inside of me came to life and began roaring "SEEEEEEEEEXXXXX!" I seriously had to step outside and take a couple of deep breathes. Then, on my way to the library, I was rounding a corner and bumped into a really pretty redhead, she was wearing a pretty low-cut top, and was pretty well endowed if you know what I mean. The animal started roaring again...
Then, this morning, some more interesting things happened. After going to bed pretty late, I jolted awake an hour before my alarm was set to go off, and I felt this searing energy again. I hit the floor and squeezed out 20 clap pushups (I can usually only manage about 10), and I STILL had enough energy to continue an intense 15-minute workout without stopping.
This "mood" continued throughout the day. In my politics lecture, the Professor was trying to push the class to argue with him in regards to the applicability of Democracy around the world. No-one was really talking, and suddenly, to my own surprise, I raised my hand, and accepted his challenge. We went back and forth for about ten minutes, and I was remembering facts and points from journals and magazines I had read MONTHS ago to defend my stance. I'm not really a terribly shy guy, but I've never had the drive to openly challenged a professor like that in front of a bunch of students. This only boosted my confidence. I felt like there was a fire burning inside of me as I walked around campus. I was passing girls, making eye contact with them, and smiling. A few did a double take (I was wearing suit all day because of a meeting I had with my boss, so It helped that I looked cleaned up),and a couple probably thought I was a lunatic. To sum up my feelings today in a few adjectives: Powerful, Daring, Unstoppable. I usually only feel remotely like this when I'm drunk!
And then, I crashed. Halfway through my last class, I felt completely drained, as if an eighteen-wheeler just plowed over me. Aches and pains, exhaustion, maybe even a little depression. Planning on taking a long nap when I'm done here, and eating a good meal after.
Also, i've been noting a lot about the lack of life in my penis. I noticed a day or so ago that my penis seems a bit bigger in its flaccid state. Furthermore, started experiencing random semi-hard erections.
This weekend will play host to one of the largest parties in the town I live in. Starting Thursday, there will be nonstop celebration everywhere. Great chance to meet some girls, and make some friends
Stay strong, stay optimistic, stay golden
Quite a week indeed.