[February 29th, 2012, Day 36] ED Strikes and ruins a perfect date

Submitted by Coltrane on
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Last night, I took a girl out on date. Fancy little restaurant. Everything went perfect at first. We had some good food, and ended up just sitting around and talking for about four hours. I took her back to my place afterwards, and we popped in a movie. About ten minutes into it, we started making out, and things got pretty hot. At first, I was really happy, because I felt an erection from just a little touching and kissing. It kept up as we got naked, and then as soon as I reached for a condom, BAM, i'm soft, almost DEAD. She told me not to worry and relax, and took over for a bit. I only managed to get semi hard, after which I tried to slip another condom on. Right as I was about to insert, I went soft AGAIN. I was furious. My girl told me that it's ok,it happens sometimes, and that she enjoys "just kissing me", which kinda of only made me more depressed. I ended up Oing once after a handjob (producing only a semi-hard erection in the process), and we went to sleep.

Early in the morning, I woke up feeling kind of horny, so we began fooling around again. Once more, I was semi-hard, but when I went to slip a condom on, I went soft. I O'd after another handjob.

36 Days, and I still can't hold an erection with a girl. I feel like I'm going to die a virgin!

Today I feel drained from the two orgasms, depressed about my lack of performance, and overall frustrated and disheartened with this whole process. I realize that this is probably only a flatline, but hearing about couples engaging in healthy sexual relationships, and then not even being able to hold an erection while i'm trying to have sex for the first time, really puts a damper on things.

I hope you are all doing better than me.


the other thing...

is to avoid intercourse altogether for now. And use your mouth, tongue and hands to give her pleasure. This all takes awhile to work out but you always can give pleasure this way.

There is no will great enough to make a soft penis hard, or keep a hard penis from getting soft. It's not at your command.

What I say is, "trust the penis." Whatever he wants to do, I want to want to do, too. I don't want to do something different than what the penis wants because the penis always wins. The penis is always right.

So, I just sort of say to myself, let's see what Mr. P. wants today. And if he's not up for anything, fine by me. If I want to, I can hug and kiss and then move down and deliver the goods for my woman orally, which she loves anyway.

There will be a next time when you can do intercourse and the penis will be very happy to be hard and stay hard. Just not right yet.

The real real solution is to do a lot of hugging, snuggling, kissing, and non-orgasmic (for you) stuff. That is what heals quickest and feels the best at this point.

Thank you, as always, for

Thank you, as always, for your swift responses!

For diasbi: No, I have not masturbated. I have, however, had one wet dream, which came around (no pun intended) about two weeks ago.

For Marnia: Thank you for guiding me to this page. There is definitely some reading to be done on this subject. After feeling like complete shit during the day after two releases, I agree that I definitely need some time. I got a bit carried away last night, I mean, this is the first time i've brought a girl home in months.

For emerson: Great advice. I did pleasure my girl for some time last night, and I guess she felt obliged to 'return the favor'. But definitely staying away from an orgasm for some more time, who would think that one could feel so crappy after one!

It is indeed amazing

to discover that there's more to climax than we thought.

If you're curious, here's some of the material we discuss in our book: The Passion Cycle Some guys also notice that orgasm makes them unbearably horny for more...however they have to get them: Do You Need A Chaser After Sex? That's probably also a manifestation of the post-O neurochemical cycle, which hits guys who aren't back to balance particularly hard sometimes.