After my latest stint of 26 days PMO free I ended up relapsing. I made a password I would never remember and threw it away which prevented me from looking at porn until I realized I could just have a new password sent to me via email. So after a day of bingeing I have decided to prevent a similar situation from occurring in the future.
When George Costanza goes without sex/masturbation for 30 days? And he starts to evolve into a productive member of society. He becomes a bit of a genius. I love that episode. His downfall was his intelligence. He calculated the chances of ever being able sleep with a Puerto Rican woman again and decides to indulge in his opportunity.
My latest post described how happy I was to be 9 days sober from PMO again. Few hours after making that post I some how ended up looking at some porn and relapsing, again, for the millionth time (probably not an exaggeration).
Day 9... again, for the what feels like the 50th time. My latest streak was around day 70 before relapsing for 2 days so it was time to reset thee ol' timer again. Finals for spring semester coming up soon, however I do enroll for summer school in a week. My good friend will be leaving for Mexico on a studying abroad program for a few months which is going to kill my social life even more.
The title says it all. I failed. Again. Failed miserably. With the absolute worst possible timing. I have quit and relapsed more times then I can count with 2 hands. It was just 2 days ago I was posting about how awesome I was doing (62 days), but within the click of a mouse I was doing a nose dive to hell. It has now been roughly 24 hours since my binge and I still feel AWFUL. Honestly, I did not even want to show my face on these forums with the bad news but I need to.
Sensitization. This would be the "buzz" I get every time I see any photo, commercial, billboard or advertisement that is even remotely sensual. Most of the time they are not even meant to be arousing. For example, an Old Navy commercial. The woman are fully clothed, showing no cleavage or anything yet I instantly get this buzz or rush in my heart/mind that is similar to looking at porn.
Day 56. Morning erections are frequent. Been having some erotic dreams but no nocturnal emissions. In fact, I don't think I EVER had a wet dream. Kind of sad when you think about it. Masturbation began at such a young age that my body never even had a chance to achieve a wet dream.
Day 42 porn free. I did M about 1 week ago (obviously without the use of Porn) and I am proud to say I haven't fallen victim to the chaser effect. Usually an orgasm for me will result falling off the wagon with in a few days. This has happened several times to me including after a 100+ PMO free run. This would be the 1st time I successfully did not give in after an orgasm. As I count the days since my last orgasm I can feel the chaser effect slowly releasing its grip from me.
Day 35, again. Hopefully the last time I reach day 35. Not much going on. Just finished mid-terms for school.I am not sure if it is the lack of porn (been quitting/relapsing for 15 months) or the sobriety from Marijuana (15 months sober) but I have definitely been on my A-game as far as my education goes. I am currently taking 14 units this semester and easily holding a 4.0 GPA across the board.
Is it just me or is this website slow? Any who, day 24. Not much new going on. I have been very busy with 14 units at school. I wish I could say the same for work. I have been working in construction with this particular company for the last 8 years and I couldn't be more excited to finish school and leave. The longer I remain sober from Marijuana and Porn the more I have grown apart from my coworkers. They are truly terrible people. I am so sick and tired of how they constantly put down everyone, rudeness, racist remarks and so forth.