Day 14. Not much new to report. I have hit day 14 more times then I can count with 2 hands and I have noticed something. My libido seems to be rather non-existent from day 2~13. But right around week 2 I start to feel myself "come alive" if you will.
I don't fully understand how the neurotransmitters in the brain work ( even though we have recently studied it in Psychology) but I do feel some how, some way, Ibminh is partially accurate (regarding his recent post on Oxytocin and social anxiety).
Over the last 14 months I have tried pretty hard to give up PMO. I have made it over 30 days several times and over a 100 days once between binge episodes. Here are a few things I have experienced.
Failed after 35 days this time. I was almost to embarrassed to blog about it. Fortunately this time I did not binge. 1 and done. It wasn't nearly as exciting as I remembered. Time to reset the counter. I will check back in a week.
Day 27 of infinity. The beginning of the beginning. I am a carpenter/painter of 9 years and I work with your stereotypical construction workers. You know the type? Shit talking all day every day. Busting balls, hating on each others work, borderline joking. 1 Bad joke away from a fist fight. Though it rarely ends in a fist fight, we'r often on the edge of a brawl, daily. That is not a stretch of the imagination by any means. I have been in several physical fights over the last 9 years with coworkers, including 1 a few months ago which I outlined in 1 of my previous blog entries.
Day 22 no PMO. 26645 days to go. Feeling better again. Have no real urge to look at porn but on occasion, feel like I need to M. Usually this urge hits me on a Saturday and Sunday morning when I can sleep in some and have a strong morning erection. From experience I feel that a M.O. does not really kill my PMO count ,however I am afraid of the chaser effect days after. So for right now I'll avoid any orgasm.
First off, Day 13 no PMO after relapsing on and off for 1 year. Day 400 of no Marijuana. 378 no cigs.
I used to be a rather carefree individual, a happy kid, with no worries in the world. That was until I discovered PMO and Marijuana around the age of 14. After 12 years of PMO and Drugs, I slowly started to develop clinical social anxiety. Not to be mistaken with nervousness or shyness, but real, clinical social anxiety with strong physical symptoms at times. Usually, I am rather "normal" but when it hits me... it hits me hard.
Day 15. Merry Xmas. Short and sweet.
Day 6 of no PMO, again. Many things have changed in the last few months. I was well over day 100 being porn free when I relapsed. My confidence was sky high. So high I felt like I could PMO once without falling off the wagon. Wrong. Today is day 6 and I just don't feel very confident, actually, I have felt like this for the last few weeks. Sad, unenthusiastic, lethargic, fearful are a few words that come to mind.
Long time no blog. It has been a month or 3 since I last posted. Long story short around day 81 I M and O'd and thought I was in the clear. A week or so later the "chaser" effect kicked in and I started to feel like I was falling back into the fog. Sometime around day 100 I went to a party, got drunk, and when I got home.. I ended up PMOing. After the initial PMO, I felt like I fucked up so bad that I may as well get it all out of my system and binge before i recoup. So I would PMO 2-3x in 1 day, go a week sober, then the chaser effect would be back, repeat. Week after week.